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  • #46
    Dear Ms. Itterate,

    I apologize, my employees have never encountered a LOLcat in person. Next time they will be better equipped to handle your special needs.

    Yours,

    M. Ann Ager
    (Owner)

    -----

    YOU SUCK YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THE WAY YOU DO BUSINESS YU SHOULD QUIT YOUR JOB AND NOT WORK FOR SUCH CROOKS!!!!!!!

    Signed,
    Cap S. Locke
    I don't go in for ancient wisdom
    I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
    It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

    Comment


    • #47
      Dear Mr Locke,

      I think you should know that someone with obvious mental instabilities is using your email address. If you have any concerns, I suggest you contact your internet service provider.

      Yours Sincerely,

      Miss Manager.

      ~~~

      Dear Ms Cant Telltime,

      Repeat after me; a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine. The store runs on Greenwich Mean Time, not Customer Standard Time, so the time for closing was correct. Sorry for any inconvienience.

      Yours,

      Foodmart Drone.


      Dear Cinema Manager,

      I took my toddler to see Avatar in your cinema last Friday. He started talking to me halfway thru due to being bored so I naturally answered back. I was incensed to be told by one of your ushers that I had to leave due to complaints by some other people in the cinema. I had every right to be there; I demand that you fire this usher and ban the people who complained for life. I would also like free tickets to make up for my bad experience.

      Yours sincerely,

      Mrs Mona Lott
      People who don't like cats were probably mice in an earlier life.
      My DeviantArt.

      Comment


      • #48
        Dear Ms. Lott;

        I'm sorry, but I can only ban two people from the theatre a month. So it's impossible for me to ban all those people for you.

        On a similar note, you and your son are banned from the cinemas.

        Enjoy watching TV;
        Ms. Manager

        ========================================
        Dear Happy Clown Entertainment Agency;

        My darling prince of a boy Johnny only wanted two things for his birthday. A clown at his party, and a high powered rifle.

        I think it's HORRIBLY unprofessional of the man you sent, one Mr. Jingles, to have tried to leave before the party was over.

        He demanded I drive him to the Emergency Room because he was bleeding. He really shouldn't have been standing in front of my little angel when Johnny was shooting things.

        I of course was not going to leave my little Messiah alone to run some two-bit entertainer halfway across town during the middle of his birthday party.

        I demand you send me 10 clowns to my next party for free. Also I want to the family of the Late Mr. Jingles to pay me for the emotional trauma Johnny had to suffer watching his birthday clown die.

        sincerely;
        Mai Sonsakilla
        Hinakiba777- Student of Divinity-Always trying to get laid.

        Annoying student=I pay tuition here so I pay your salary!
        Desk Worker=I pay tuition here, too. So I guess I pay myself.

        Comment


        • #49
          Dear Mai Sonsakilla,

          I am sorry to hear of the experience you had with the late Mr.Jingles at your son's birthday party. However, due to the fact that YOUR kid shot one of our most valued staff members (Mr.Jingles), we will begin taking legal action against you. We believe that YOU should be the one to pay the family of the late Mr. Jingles for the emotional trauma your son caused with his carelessness. Further more, you refused to have Mr.Jingles taken to a hospital to be treated for his injuries, so we will not give you 10 clowns to your next party for free. You will also be blacklisted in our business and we will make sure to black list you with Happy Clown Entertainment Agency and any other subsidiaries.


          Sincerely,


          B'Ann Forlyfe

          ================================================== =======

          Dear MY ISP,

          I called your Tier 1 Tech Support line last night because I got a blue screen on my computer and it wouldn't do anything else. The rep refused to help me and kept saying that my issue was outside of support and that I had to call my computer's manufacturer! I pay for your service, why should I have to call my computer's manufacturer to get this resolved?!! Fire this rude rep and give me free service for life!

          Sincerely,

          Ima Computer-Dummy
          I don't get paid enough to kiss your a**! -Groezig 5/31/08
          Another day...another million braincells lost...-Sarlon 6/16/08
          Chivalry is not dead. It's just direly underappreciated. -Samaliel 9/15/09

          Comment


          • #50
            Dear Ima Computer-Dummy:

            We're sorry to hear of your dissatisfaction with our services however after a review of the customer service call it was determined that the best course of action to resolve this issue is to simply have you box up your computer and set it out on the side of the road in front of your house for pick up. Your computer will then be picked up and adopted to a new home, as yours is no longer suitable for habitation.

            As far as the request for free service for life goes: we've determined that in the best interest of all concerned that as you won't have a computer any longer, the subject of free internet access is moot.

            Sincerely-

            I R Smart
            CEO, My ISP

            Dear Local Phone Company-

            I tried calling your 1-800 number expecting to receive the outstanding customer service your commercials advertised but instead was treated rudely by one of your reps.

            "Alice" refused to give me what I wanted in the form of a discount. She also said I owed $700 on my wireless bill because of texting and pics.

            I was not informed that I had a charge for texts and picture emails, so therefore I'm not required to pay the bill. Besides, this was on my daughter's phone and that was the number I asked that the features be disabled on. I demanded a supervisor who would take these charges off, but was told there were none available.

            I demand that these charges be reversed, as I am not made of money nor did I request these features to be added on my unlimited plan. I also want a new iPhone for no charge to compensate me for my troubles.

            Sincerely-
            Ida Lazyparent
            Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

            Comment


            • #51
              Dear Ida Lazyparent,

              I'm afraid that your not reading the rules doesn't exempt you from paying your bill. However, we will allow you to pay $100 per month for the texting and pics until the full $700 is paid.

              You also have to teach your daughter how to use her phone responsibly. Therefore, your request for a new iphone is denied.

              Sincerely,

              Phone Manager


              Dear Coffee Shop Manager,

              I went into one of your shops this morning and ordered a venti mocha and the employee had the nerve to tell me that they were out of mocha. You can't run out of items if you want to keep your customers. I requested that the supervisor check in the back and she refused. I want the supervisor and employee fired for being rude to me and refusing to keep my mocha stocked. Also, I threw a coffee mug at them and stormed out. The supervisor followed me out and told me that if I came back she would have me arrested for trespassing. I shoved her into the glass window and drove off. I also want a book of coupons for free coffee for the inconvenience.

              Sincerely,

              Moe Cha
              Last edited by purplecat41877; 01-29-2010, 09:59 AM.
              My Fanfic Page
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              Comment


              • #52
                Dear Mr. Cha,

                If you would kindly provide your address, we will have the local police personally deliver some coupons, when they come to arrest you for assault. The coupons should still be good when you get out of jail.

                Sincerely,
                Starbuck T. Horton
                Manager.

                ---

                Dear Electronics Store,

                I was shopping in the mall yesterday and left my 3-year-old twins in your store to watch the cartoons that were playing on your display TVs. They were only there for a few hours, but when I came back they were gone! I was informed by the manager on duty that the police and child protective services had come and taken them away! This inconvenience made me miss my hair appointment with Francios. I won't be able to get another appointment for months! Your manager should be fired for causing me such trouble.

                I.M. Portant
                I don't go in for ancient wisdom
                I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
                It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

                Comment


                • #53
                  Dear Mrs. Portant,

                  It's quite obvious to us what you think most important in your life. And your children are not on the top of that list.

                  Don't worry though, we talking to Francois. You will not have to wait months for another appointment, because he refuses to style your hair again.

                  Sincerely;
                  T.V. Salsmon
                  Big Box Entertainment, and Mall Manager

                  -------------------------------------------
                  To the Owner of the Black Horse Pub;

                  I would like you to fire the girl you had bartending last night. Not only did she refuse to give me a 22nd shot of Tequila, though I still had the money, but she tried to tell me that the pub was closing and I would have to leave. I have a been a regular at this par for almost three weeks, I should be able to sleep here if I want.

                  She then told me that I shouldn't drive home, and tried to take my keys. I gave her a good knock in the face, breaking her nose. Then ran to my car and sped off, right into a lightpole.

                  I am now paraliyzed from the neck down. I demand that you fire that horrible girl, and allow me to drink for free as much as I want at your pub until I die.

                  DO IT NOW;
                  Dah Runkard
                  Hinakiba777- Student of Divinity-Always trying to get laid.

                  Annoying student=I pay tuition here so I pay your salary!
                  Desk Worker=I pay tuition here, too. So I guess I pay myself.

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Dear Runkard:

                    How's the saying go? One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor? And you had 21 shots of the stuff? Christ, you must've been halfway to China! No wonder you're paralyzed from the neck down!

                    Regardless, I must town down your request for free drinks for life. But this is for your own good. It must be pretty difficult to use the bathroom in your state.

                    As for the bartender, I think we'll keep her. Oops, that's supposed to be private. Did I actually write that first part? I gotta think of a lie fast! Ummm, uhhh...our personnel decisions are handled internally and are kept private from the public. Yeah, that's it.

                    Regards,
                    Black Horse Pub

                    ================================================== ==============

                    Dear Walgreens Pharmacy:

                    I went to your pharmacy yesterday to purchase some Viagra. When I arrived at the counter, the rude young lady behind it gave me some cock-and-bull story about needing a prescription to buy Viagra.

                    She's obviously lying. Why would I need a prescription for the stuff if it's advertised on TV?

                    I demand you make Viagra available over the counter, or else I will be suing you for everything my wife takes me for when she divorces me. She's been complaining about my performance for years now, and now that I think of it, my daughter has the mailman's eyes.

                    I.M. Potent
                    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Dear Mr. I.M. Potent,

                      The decision to make prescription drugs over the counter lies with the pharmaceutical companies and the Food and Drug Administration, not individual drugstores.

                      Oh, and the mailman is totally innocent. I know for a fact that I am your daughter's father.

                      Sincerely,
                      Jack Casanova, Manager


                      Dear Manager,

                      I was buying a candy bar the other day from your casheir Jennie. She took my money and called the police, said some ridikulous thing like Georg Washington was not on a $100 bill and the ends were obvoiusly glued on. I got it from the bank like that, I swear on a stack of Bibbles!

                      Anyway, I'm having to undrgo the humilliation of a trial, finding a lawyer, hiding the printing equipment and paying exoribatant fees. I demand that you fire Jennie, drop all charges against me and pay me a billion dollars for my trouble.

                      Sincerely,
                      Count Terfeiter
                      Last edited by XCashier; 01-13-2010, 05:41 PM.
                      I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
                      My LiveJournal
                      A page we can all agree with!

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Dear Terfeiter :

                        Our apologies for the misunderstanding. Here's your billion dollars. Is Monopoly money okay?

                        Manager

                        ================================================== ================

                        deer wall mrt

                        i wuz n ur stor yisterddy n u dint haf 12 pecks dit pepzy iffin do dey wuz n ur add diz falls avertizzin gimme millon dolers r i soo

                        i kent reedorrite
                        Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                        "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                          Dear Terfeiter :

                          Our apologies for the misunderstanding. Here's your billion dollars. Is Monopoly money okay?

                          Manager
                          PWNED!!!

                          Dear Mr reeddorite,

                          What's this, something about Pepsi and wanting a million dollars? Well I won't give you a million dollars, but I will give you this discount on hooked on phonics. I think it will help you greatly in the future.

                          Dear Mcdonalds,

                          Fuck you! I have been a loyal customer for the last 10 years, eating your breakfest, lunch, and dinner every day. I cannot live a day without your food! Now that I am somehow over a thousand pounds overweight, I can't even get out of bed! AND YOU ASSHOLES WON'T EVEN DELIVER TO ME!! I NEED MY MCNUGGETS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111

                          Sincerely,

                          Fattias Mcfatty.

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Dear Mcfattious,

                            please find attached a number of a good cardiologist, and the number for the ambulace. I terribly sorry for the inconvience, but I do know that these two FINE companys do offer delivery services.

                            1 800 438-2368

                            Thankyou for bringing this to our attention.

                            -------------------

                            dear big box company,
                            while recently shopping at your store I noticed several employees standing around doing nothing. So I went up to them and asked a simple question. For some reason they all laughed in my face! I DEMAND they be fired and a giftcard for $15,000 be issed or I will NEVER shop in your store again! I mean the nerve of them denying good customer service by REFUSING to do my shopping for me!

                            sincerely,
                            I.M potent
                            It is by snark alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire 'tude, the lips acquire mouthiness, the glares become a warning.

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Dear I.M Potent,

                              If good customer service was doing shopping for customers then they would be spending all day shopping and never having any time to actually do their jobs. I've considered your demands and they are too over the top for being made to actually do your own shopping. You weren't lazy enough to get here in the first place were you? If getting here is that exhausting for you then I suggest that you never come here again and find somewhere nearer to your house.

                              Sincerely,
                              Store Manager


                              Dear Chief Executive,

                              I have attended my local high street branch of your bookmakers every day for years and in that time I have lost thousands of pounds in unemployment benefit. I finally came round to accepting that I was addicted and closed my account and specifically told them not to let me open another one as I was determined to beat my addiction. However I then got my best friend to open one in his name on my behalf and do my bets for me, an addict needs his fix right?, and since then I have lost even more money.

                              I DEMAND that this branch is shut down as it was completely irresponsible of them to keep taking bets from me after I told them not to in order to stop them doing it to anybody else. I also DEMAND that I am reimbursed every last penny of every bet I made with this new account, as they had no right to take any of it.

                              Sincerely,

                              A. Moron

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Dear Mr. Moron,

                                I'm afraid I can't refund your money since it's under your friend's account and we need his authorization to refund the money. However, we can suggest that you find a rehab center that specializes in gambling addictions.

                                Also, we won't be closing the branch. It was your own fault that you lost the money.

                                Sincerely,

                                Chief Executive


                                Dear Supermarket Manager,

                                At the checkout, I handed the girl my coupons and she handed them back to me and told me they were expired. I requested a supervisor who came over and told me that the coupons couldn't be accepted which was completely unacceptable. I threw my items at the girl and supervisor, stormed out, and took off in my car. I want the girl and supervisor fired for being rude to me and a gift card as an apology for the poor service I received. I also want to be able to use my expired coupons without any problems. If I don't get what I want, I will never shop at your store again.

                                Sincerely,

                                Mrs. Coupon
                                My Fanfic Page
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