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  #501  
Old 11-14-2013, 08:59 PM
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Dear Happy Pet Supply Store,

I was in your store the other day and I was appalled that another customer brought a cat into your store. I went to find a manager and asked him to kick that evil customer and that furry demon. When the manager confronted them, that demon cat started rubbing its chin on the managers hand. Then that moron manager turned to me and told me that neither that evil man nor the demon cat because they weren't bothering anyone.

I demand that you give me $500 in dog supplies. I also demand that you fire that idiot manager.

Sincerely,

Stacy German Shepherd
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  #502  
Old 11-14-2013, 11:10 PM
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Dear Ms. Shepherd,

I remember you. You have that big, filthy, badly matted dog that's infested with fleas, lifts his leg on every aisle in the store and has bitten three of our employees. Yet you complain about a friendly, clean, well-behaved little cat.

I shouldn't do this, but for the sake of your dog, I'm sending you coupons good for one free grooming, one free flea dip and a session of obedience classes. Please get your dog treated and teach him to behave or neither he nor you will be welcome in our store anymore. Furthermore, if I see any more evidence of neglecting your dog, I will inform the SPCA about you.

Sincerely,
Jack Russell-Terrier, general manager,
Happy Pet Supply Store

* * * * *

Dear Furniture Store,

I bought a new desk at your downtown location. I told the cashier to load it into my car, and she said that she couldn't lift it! Gave me some silly excuse about being eight months pregnant. Who cares about her future welfare dependant, I just spent $200 on a manicure and I didn't want to chip my perfect nails! I had to wait a whole three minutes for another employee, who's probably her baby-daddy and just as useless, to come up to take my new desk out to my car! Then he said that he couldn't fit the desk in my Mini Cooper and had the audacity to try to sell me on your free delivery! Well, that just won't do.

I demand that you fire those two idiots and give me all new, absolutely perfect furniture for my house, the most expensive stuff you've got, or I'll tell my lawyer husband to sue you!

Sincerely,
Airra Gant-Snob
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  #503  
Old 11-15-2013, 04:49 PM
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catcul catcul is offline
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Dear Mrs. Gant-Snob,

That cashier is actually a senior in college. She's taking a break before taking her capstone course, so she doesn't have to interrupt a class to have her baby. The stock boy has been with us for only a month, so it is highly unlikely he is her baby's father. We have delivered your desk to your address. A man by the name of Evi Gant signed the invoice saying that you have received your desk.

As your husband would tell you, you don't have a leg to stand on.

Sincerely,

Ed Shaker, Store Manager, Archdale Furniture Outlet

-----

Dear Chief Information Officer,

I had a problem with my laptop so I called the Information Technology department. I told them the make, model, and serial number. The rude support person told me that they only support company computers and they won't help with mine. So what if it's my personal computer? Since I work here, I should have the IT staff fix my computer.

I demand that you fire the support guy, and you find someone to fix my computer, or I'm going to report you to the CEO.

Sincerely,

Benny Scrooge
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  #504  
Old 11-16-2013, 12:25 AM
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Quote:
Quoth XCashier View Post
Dear Ms. Shepherd,

I remember you. You have that big, filthy, badly matted dog that's infested with fleas, lifts his leg on every aisle in the store and has bitten three of our employees. Yet you complain about a friendly, clean, well-behaved little cat.

I shouldn't do this, but for the sake of your dog, I'm sending you coupons good for one free grooming, one free flea dip and a session of obedience classes. These are for you and your dog,who would both benefit from them Please get your dog treated and teach him to behave or neither he nor you will be welcome in our store anymore. Furthermore, if I see any more evidence of neglecting your dog, I will inform the SPCA about you.

Sincerely,
Jack Russell-Terrier, general manager,
Happy Pet Supply Store

* * * * *
Just to help out
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  #505  
Old 11-16-2013, 02:54 PM
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Quote:
Quoth Kit-Ginevra View Post
Just to help out
Pity we can't offer obedience classes for SC's.

"No yelling at the employees!" (whack on nose with rolled-up newspaper)
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  #506  
Old 11-16-2013, 06:57 PM
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Tyg3rW01f Tyg3rW01f is offline
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Aaaand the complaint we need address next iiiiiiiiiiiis...
Quote:
Quoth catcul View Post
Dear Chief Information Officer,

I had a problem with my laptop so I called the Information Technology department. I told them the make, model, and serial number. The rude support person told me that they only support company computers and they won't help with mine. So what if it's my personal computer? Since I work here, I should have the IT staff fix my computer.

I demand that you fire the support guy, and you find someone to fix my computer, or I'm going to report you to the CEO.

Sincerely,

Benny Scrooge
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  #507  
Old 11-19-2013, 03:46 AM
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purplecat41877 purplecat41877 is offline
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Dear Mr. Scrooge,

Our IT department is only authorized to fix the computers that are part of the business so no one is getting fired. If you want your personal computer fixed, go to a computer store.

Sincerely,

C. Omputer
Chief Information Officer



Dear State Prison,

I recently came to visit my boyfriend who is serving time for robbing a bank. When I was there, I was offended that we were separated by a glass window and that we had to use a phone to talk to each other. I demand from now on when I visit my boyfriend that you put us in a private room so we can make out all we want. If you don't agree to this, I will hack into the system and unlock his cell door so he can escape and be with me.

Sincerely,

Miss Loyalgirlfriend
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  #508  
Old 11-19-2013, 11:38 PM
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catcul catcul is offline
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Dear Miss Loyalgirlfriend,

What you described is a reserved for lawyers talking to their clients or investigators. We make sure that violent offenders are not able to escape. Also, your boyfriend has been transported to Franklin Pierce Federal Penitentiary, four states away. Also, our network of door locks is not connected to the internet, so it would be impossible to open any cell door from outside the prison. We have sent a police unit to your house to give you a warning about making threats to prisons.

Sincerely,

Lyle Bolton, Warden, Alexander Jackson State Penitentiary

-----

Dear Right Health Drug Store,

I bought a banana and a box of condoms nine months ago. Yesterday, my girlfriend had her baby, and the baby looks just like me. I don't understand how this could have happened. I put the condom over the banana so my girlfriend would not get pregnant while we were having sex. Obviously, either the condom or the banana was defective.

I demand that you pay for my baby daughter's support for the next 18 years, or I will take all the condoms and bananas out in the parking lot and destroy them in a bonfire.

Sincerely,

Hugh G. Rection
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Last edited by catcul; 11-20-2013 at 10:35 PM.
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  #509  
Old 11-21-2013, 04:51 AM
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Dear Mr. Rection,

The bananas are supposed to be for practice and you're supposed to use protection when "doing it" with your girlfriend so neither was defective as far as we know. If you need help with support, I would suggest asking yours or hers parents or the government.

Sincerely,

C. H. Ildren
Health Drug Store



Dear Movie Company Manager,

My 8 year old daughter recently auditioned for a part in a movie and broke down when she didn't get it. I'm offended that you allow your employees to break children's hearts when they come to audition for your movies. I demand you put my daughter in a movie without an audition. If you don't, I will set fire to the movie sets, costumes, and scripts.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Protective
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  #510  
Old 11-21-2013, 07:33 AM
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Kit-Ginevra Kit-Ginevra is offline
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*follow up from Mr.Rection* Dear Sir, I KNOW the bananas are for practise with my girlfriend.She just won't let me.I thought at first she was being helpful and joining in the spirit of the game when she asked me 'Do I want to know where I can put that d*** banana.' She wasn't.And then we had a trip to ER to remove it and to deal with my black eye...for which I also hold you personally responsible...
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