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I can't believe I just used that for a tag line.
The store I work at has been undergoing renovations for the last two weeks. The cooler has been expanded, new stand up freezers are being installed, and more importantly for the story, we're having a slushie machine and fountain soda machine installed.
The machines have been installed and are running, but are still not ready for use until either today or tomorrow.
The Slushie People
Typical conversations last night went like this:
Idiot: "Hey, where're the cups for the slushie/fountain machine?!"
Me: "It's not ready. Should be ready tomorrow if everything goes according to plan."
Idiot: "But it's up and running, why aren't there any cups?!"
Me *debating stabbing them with a bright red straw*: "Because. It. Is. NOT. Ready. Besides, the cooler on the fountain soda still isn't working, so it's warm and tastes like crap."
Idiot *blinking while the gears ground to a halt*: "But, it's up and running! Why is it broken?"
And they wonder why I'm not more friendly at work.
Lawsuit Men
Due to the renovations, our moron manager (flaming asshole, according to the rest of the town) hasn't ordered any stock in two weeks, not even the most basic of essentials.
Jackass: "Dude, where's the two-liter Pepsis?"
Me *Here we go again*: "We don't have any. Haven't for nearly two weeks."
Jackass: "What the hell, man? You can't just say you have something and not have it!"
Me *The hell?*: "I never said we had anything. They're not on sale right now anyways, and with the renovations, probably won't have any until next week."
Jackass: "What the fuck, man? If you're gonna be like this, you should give people discounts on the twelve packs."
Me: "...you're kidding, right?"
I still haven't figured out his argument concerning discounted twelve packs because of a lack of two-liters.
The second one, perhaps someone can help me with. Pall Mall smokes are roughly $4.79 before taxes. They have a 'special' which has a 'free' lighter. However, the 'special' is $5.69, so really, you're paying for the supposedly free lighter. I don't give a damn either way, I just sell the damn things. The following happened last night:
Moron: "That's false advertising!"
Me: "Mm? What now?"
Moron: "Those Pall Malls with the lighter are more than a regular pack of Pall Malls, yet they're advertising the lighter as free. That's false advertising!"
Me *shrugging*: "Probably. I don't know, don't really care. They don't pay me enough to care about selling smokes."
Moron *Getting louder*: "It's false advertising! You'd better take those packs down, before I call the cops on you and this store!"
Me *losing what little humor I have*: "If you got a problem with it, you can take it up with the manager. I have nothing to do with the price SET BY THE MANUFACTUER. Now, do you want something, or at you all set."
Moron *full-blown idiocy now*: "Bullshit man, they don't set the price, the store does. They-"
Me: "DO. YOU. WANT. SOMETHING."
About this time, another customer behind moron told him to shut the hell up about the price and buy his stuff. Just my luck, this nearly escalated into a fist fight right at the counter.
Ju-Ju Fingers
The bags Cumberland Farms use are extremely cheap, I've seen double-bagged bottles split the bags and go rolling. Because of their cheapness, they're also very slick, and difficult to open. If someone's buying a cold drink or ice cream, I've gotten in the habit of running my fingers over them to dampen them enough to pull the bags open. Up until last night, every customer has found this very amusing to watch. Last night though, I ran into a BOH (Bitter Ol' Hag).
BOH *watching me run my fingers over the ice cream*: "What are you doing?!"
Me: "Mm? Oh, wetting my fingers so I can pull this bag open."
BOH: "How I know you ain't puttin' a curse on me?!"
Me *blinking while trying to switching gears*: "Huh? What? I'm trying to open the bag..."
BOH: "You better not be putting a curse on me!"
Me *Slamming the brick of ice cream on the counter hard enough to make things jump and shut her up.* "Your order is done. Have a nice day. Next."
Honest to gods, they wonder why I'm such a surly, sarcastic bastard at work?
The store I work at has been undergoing renovations for the last two weeks. The cooler has been expanded, new stand up freezers are being installed, and more importantly for the story, we're having a slushie machine and fountain soda machine installed.
The machines have been installed and are running, but are still not ready for use until either today or tomorrow.
The Slushie People
Typical conversations last night went like this:
Idiot: "Hey, where're the cups for the slushie/fountain machine?!"
Me: "It's not ready. Should be ready tomorrow if everything goes according to plan."
Idiot: "But it's up and running, why aren't there any cups?!"
Me *debating stabbing them with a bright red straw*: "Because. It. Is. NOT. Ready. Besides, the cooler on the fountain soda still isn't working, so it's warm and tastes like crap."
Idiot *blinking while the gears ground to a halt*: "But, it's up and running! Why is it broken?"
And they wonder why I'm not more friendly at work.
Lawsuit Men
Due to the renovations, our moron manager (flaming asshole, according to the rest of the town) hasn't ordered any stock in two weeks, not even the most basic of essentials.
Jackass: "Dude, where's the two-liter Pepsis?"
Me *Here we go again*: "We don't have any. Haven't for nearly two weeks."
Jackass: "What the hell, man? You can't just say you have something and not have it!"
Me *The hell?*: "I never said we had anything. They're not on sale right now anyways, and with the renovations, probably won't have any until next week."
Jackass: "What the fuck, man? If you're gonna be like this, you should give people discounts on the twelve packs."
Me: "...you're kidding, right?"
I still haven't figured out his argument concerning discounted twelve packs because of a lack of two-liters.
The second one, perhaps someone can help me with. Pall Mall smokes are roughly $4.79 before taxes. They have a 'special' which has a 'free' lighter. However, the 'special' is $5.69, so really, you're paying for the supposedly free lighter. I don't give a damn either way, I just sell the damn things. The following happened last night:
Moron: "That's false advertising!"
Me: "Mm? What now?"
Moron: "Those Pall Malls with the lighter are more than a regular pack of Pall Malls, yet they're advertising the lighter as free. That's false advertising!"
Me *shrugging*: "Probably. I don't know, don't really care. They don't pay me enough to care about selling smokes."
Moron *Getting louder*: "It's false advertising! You'd better take those packs down, before I call the cops on you and this store!"
Me *losing what little humor I have*: "If you got a problem with it, you can take it up with the manager. I have nothing to do with the price SET BY THE MANUFACTUER. Now, do you want something, or at you all set."
Moron *full-blown idiocy now*: "Bullshit man, they don't set the price, the store does. They-"
Me: "DO. YOU. WANT. SOMETHING."
About this time, another customer behind moron told him to shut the hell up about the price and buy his stuff. Just my luck, this nearly escalated into a fist fight right at the counter.
Ju-Ju Fingers
The bags Cumberland Farms use are extremely cheap, I've seen double-bagged bottles split the bags and go rolling. Because of their cheapness, they're also very slick, and difficult to open. If someone's buying a cold drink or ice cream, I've gotten in the habit of running my fingers over them to dampen them enough to pull the bags open. Up until last night, every customer has found this very amusing to watch. Last night though, I ran into a BOH (Bitter Ol' Hag).
BOH *watching me run my fingers over the ice cream*: "What are you doing?!"
Me: "Mm? Oh, wetting my fingers so I can pull this bag open."
BOH: "How I know you ain't puttin' a curse on me?!"
Me *blinking while trying to switching gears*: "Huh? What? I'm trying to open the bag..."
BOH: "You better not be putting a curse on me!"
Me *Slamming the brick of ice cream on the counter hard enough to make things jump and shut her up.* "Your order is done. Have a nice day. Next."
Honest to gods, they wonder why I'm such a surly, sarcastic bastard at work?
or 
at this*
Wonder what an american would do if a british person walked up to them and asked to bum a fag off them? 
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