Rotcrotch and Panty Hose

[Gravekeeper]

Well, I know the taxis around where I grew up had a service called "Dial a bottle," and as GK often gets calls demanding he produce a taxi from his nethers, I'm wondering if it isn't the same set up there?

I have two lines that are one number off from a dial a bottle service and one of them is also one number off from On Star Road Side Assistance or some such. Most people that call them late at night are drunk, stranded or possibly both.

For the first several years of this century, I lived in the 919 area-code, and that is an extremely unfair accusation. The people I met were all a LOT nicer and more relaxed than the mid-westerners I live amongst now.

NCers don't typically cause me problems. You get the occasional glorious inbred ignorant hillbilly but they're aren't usually nasty ( Some are, granted, but its not the norm. ). Can't understand a word they're saying though and some of the thicker accents hurt the brain.

The area code I fear in the US that has the same failure rate as 867 is 901. They're the ones that do things like jam their credit card in the receipt printer slot of a kiosk that does not accept *any* cards, let alone credit cards. Or jam money in the printer slot, even though the bill accepter is clearly labeled. They usually manage to wedge several bills into it too before catching on.

By far the most common calls are:
"I just paid x at y time and my z hasn't been turned back on yet!"
"I just paid x and my y is due this morning or they'll cut my z off! Can't you speed up the payment?!"
"I just paid x and they dun turn my y back on yet!" ( Usually proclaimed 5 minutes after paying the bill at 3 am on a Sunday and not magically getting their service/utility back instantly. )

It's always either their cell, Direct TV or a utility. Its frightening how many of them leave utilities till they get the disconnect threat then try and pay it at 3 am the day the bill is due. Then they're surprised when they find out it'll take a day for the bank to process. Even though the machine clearly states this.

Then they of course blame it on US as if their lack of planning is our fault.

Any chance at all we could get the audio of this call? I love hearing your responses to the idiocy that finds you.

It's either that, or I have to call late at night and order clothing I don't want to hear your voice.

Sadly that wasn't one of the accounts where I could get uppity on without QA becoming annoyed. So I couldn't really say much. -.-

[CancelMyService]

Sadly that wasn't one of the accounts where I could get uppity on without QA becoming annoyed. So I couldn't really say much. -.-

They don't give you some leeway if the caller is being as abusive as that guy was? When I get a call like that, I pretty much have carte blanche to do anything short of swear back at them without getting any heat for it.

[Becks]

Except Tit Goblin's question was, while pointing to the hot dogs sitting under the heat lamps, "Are those hot dogs cooked?"

Cooked? Maybe 10 hours ago they were merely "cooked". At the time of the story, however, they're EMBALMED.

Are you from Nunavut by any chance? Because this all seems eerily familiar. If you are, that explains everything. If you're not, I think I have some bad news for you: You're probably adopted. But I have some good news for you too: I'm pretty sure I can help reunite you with your real family. I just hope you have a borderline fetish appreciation for plaid and camo trucker caps.

I giggled until I somehow got Pepsi through my nasal passages...and I'm drinking a Pepsi right now.

[Soulstealer]

I live in a tourist town (here's a hint: Think Chocolate) but it also has a large medical community.

Can I eat your town? How about just around the edges? I'll bring milk.

[Tria]

\
I can call the 'Pizza Pizza' for delivery, then the 'Drunkie Drunkie' for a case! WE CAN GET LIQUID STUPID SOLD DOOR TO DOOR!

Good idea, saves on DRIVING to the liquor store when drunk....
BTW, who's "special" idea was it to put a drive up window at a liquor store?

[Sliceanddice]

hey i cant help that i seem to only get these evil old people who tell me to 'speak english damnit' and 'why cant you people learn to speak english like a normal person' and says ma'am five times even after i said yes five times and then desides they couldnt hear a word i said.... and all from 919

[Kara]

Me: "Alright, and what size would you like?"
SC: "Olive."

Well, with all these teenage girls running around on the verge of starvation so they can shop at Abercrombie & Fitch, maybe she meant "Olive Oyl," meaning she is little more than a flesh-wrapped skeleton.

[karma_gypsy]

What, no one got their vehicle (or themselves) locked in a parkade this time? Have they finally learned?

[BusBus]

Hey, don't diss the fireworks! They are awesome! Granted, I have only seen them from the sanctity of my balcony so far this year, so I guess I have very little to complain about.

I assure you that Too-Many-Details-Lady has at least one sibling in our fair city: Ms Doesn't-shut-the-hell-up. Trust me, I've dealt with her on many occasions.

[Acolyte]

I live in a tourist town too. Thank god that very few tourists need computer service or video games.
The ones that do are douchebags, though.

[ForestDragon]

BTW, who's "special" idea was it to put a drive up window at a liquor store?

Maybe it used to be a burger joint?

Great, now I'm getting scary visuals of some jackass buying something at the drivethru and drinking it as he pulls out like you'd start on your Coke from the McDonald's drivethru.

[hecubus]

Ah, Rotcrotch and Panty Hose. My favorite Billy Joel album!

[Andara Bledin]

Argghh..... -.-

Shouldn't that be "Yarrr!"

Like what, exactly? Lead a band of dubious scallywags down to the hotel and forcibly eject someone from their room on your behalf? After which of course we would plunder the room for any potential bootie that could be appropriated and carted off to our den of ill repute. Mainly credit cards, tiny bars of soap and panty hose. Always panty hose. Pirates have an unspoken desire for panty hose you know.

Well, that's what holds the "bootie," don'cha know...

I don't know. I believe I said "<company>" not "Madam Cleo's". ( Psst, don't marry that tall guy with the dark hair. He only wants you for your money, girl! )

Well, we all know it wasn't for her mind....

Cooked? Maybe 10 hours ago they were merely "cooked". At the time of the story, however, they're EMBALMED.

News flash: They were "cooked" before they ever got packaged. All we do after that is heat or toast them.

^-.-^

[Jester]

I am so glad I DON'T live in a tourist town, my IQ would surely have plummeted by now.

I live in a tourist town. OH do I ever! Key West, Tourist Central. Also Touron Central. Trust me, there is a huge difference between a tourist and a touron. Tourists pay the therapy bills that the tourons cause!

Good idea, saves on DRIVING to the liquor store when drunk....
BTW, who's "special" idea was it to put a drive up window at a liquor store?

In my home town of Tempe, AZ, we have Jerry's Drive In Liquors. Not only is it a liquor store with drive through window, it also has a HUGE Las Vegas style flashing sign with an arrow pointing right down to Jerry's, and advertising that they are, in fact, a drive up liquor store. Jerry's freakin' rocks!

I have never quite determined whether it is or is not a coincidence that Jerry's Drive In Liquors is directly across the street from Arizona State University, aka Alcoholic State University, aka one of the biggest party schools in the nation. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?

[ChelsieFrank]

Can I eat your town? How about just around the edges? I'll bring milk.

Go ahead!

Start with the streetlamps though, they're candy!