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  • From out of left field

    So, some assorted fun bits and pieces from my year so far while working at the Community College so far. Posted as I find the various locations I wrote them down.

    If this is the wrong area, I apologize. The brain farts section didn't feel right for this, though there's no real malevolence here, just a scary amount of lack of thinking.



    IMMA DETECTIVE:

    (Happened Last Fall, towards the end of November.)
    Student: (Walks up) I guess I need to come up here and fill out a petition, I accessed [Online Homework and schoolwork Website] and when I called them they said I needed to come in and so I need a petition to register for classes before the fifteenth.
    Me: (Actually blink) Uhhhh there’s like three things that are different things in there. Let’s work through this. First, what do you need to petition for? (Background info: I get several people a week that supposedly need to fill out petitions or course enrollment forms, and only 1 or so of those a month actually need to do it. Most of the time, someone somewhere said something wrong, or someone heard something wrong. I’ll leave it to you which is more likely)
    Student: I need to petition to register for classes.
    Me: You don’t need to petition for that, you just need to apply to be a student first and do a few other things, is that what you mean? Have you done that?
    Student: No, they said I need to petition to register.
    Me: Who is they?
    Student: The people on the phone.
    Me: Which people, who did you call?
    Student: The people here.
    Me: (Oh god, okay, just do this the long way, that will cause less pain) Okay, you said you’d been on the [HW Website], that requires a student ID number.
    Student: Yes.
    Me: Okay, and how long have you had it.
    Student: A few weeks.
    Me: Okay, and before that, you didn’t have an ID number, and you have never had one from this college, or any of the other colleges in this district right?
    Student: No, this is my first college.
    Me: Okay, you can only have an ID number if you’ve applied to be a student, which means you must have applied a few weeks ago, so that means you've done that step, and you said you were on the [HW Website], were you doing the Online Orientation there?
    Student: Yes, I finished it.
    Me: Okay, so, you should be good to enroll in classes then, do you know your class enrollment date?
    Student: Enrollment date?
    Me: Yes, you mentioned that you needed to do this before the fifteenth, that might be your enrollment date. If you’ll log on here we can check.
    Student: (Does so)
    Me: Yep, see, the fifteenth is your class enrollment date. Any time after the date and time listed here (Points at it), you can register for classes as long as you don’t have a hold (I point at the holds), which you have. Huh, a weird one. Can I see the mouse again?
    Student: (Surrenders mouse)
    Me: Yeah, it says that you’re under the age of 18, and need to fill out paperwork with the counselor. Are you under 18?
    Student: No, I am 18.
    Me: Huh, you must have filled out that you were under 18 on your application somehow.
    Student: (Defensively) I turned 18 in September, I must have filled this out before then.
    Me: It says here that you applied on November 10th.
    Student: (Defensively, but confused now) I turned 18 in september, so I must have applied before then.
    Me: You were 18 for 2 months when you enrolled in November, so you had to have been 18 when you enrolled.
    Student: No, I must have been under 18 when I enrolled, that’s why it’s messed up.
    Me: No, see here? (Highlights date applied) That means when you applied, you had been 18 for 2 months before you applied.
    Student: Oh, so I was over 18.
    Me: Yes, which means you must have hit the wrong button or just made a mistake on the application.
    Student: Yeah, the lady in Admissions that I called on the phone after I tried to enroll in classes said I couldn’t because I was a high school student and said that I needed to bring in photo ID so that I can correct my birthdate on my application, and that I need a petition to do so.
    Me: ...Yes, you would need a petition to do that. Here, go fill it out, turn it in there.
    Student: Oh, okay, thank you! : D

    Was... was this a test? Did I pass? Why did I need to solve the mystery, why didn't he open with that? D :



    There WILL be CLEANING!:

    (Early this Spring)
    Me: (Tippity tappity, typpity wimey)
    SC: (Walks up with purpose)
    Me: (As she reaches me, I stop typing, look up, and address her) Hello, what can I help you with today? : D
    SC: (Mildy irritated, and bordering on mad) Maybe YOU can actually take care of this, since THEY won’t.
    Me: Uh, what’s the problem?
    SC: (With emphasis, and force, but not yelling) The Microwave in the Cafeteria (We share a door, so it’s right next door) is FILTHY, and DESPERATELY needs to be Cleaned!
    Me: Oh, okay, did you bring it to the attention of the Cafeteria staff?
    SC: (Same as before) YES, and they said it wasn’t their JOB to clean it!
    Me: Huh, weird, well, did they contact maintenance, or Custodial, whatever we call them here?
    SC: (Same as before) NO, they don’t have the phone number, and say they don’t know how to GET it!
    Me: Well, I don’t either, and I can’t call anyone, phone doesn’t work. I could get ahold of my Boss, and she could send something further up, but otherwise I’m rather tethered to this Desk, and can’t go very far away from it. I can look up the Maintenance Department’s building, and give you directions and a map to find it.
    SC: (Same as before, with more attitude) Gah! (Flings her hand, and hair, up dismissively and dramatically) Whatever, I told enough of you people, it’s YOUR problem now. (Essentially Storms off)
    Me: ...okay then.

    On my Lunchbreak, I actually had something to heat up, and the microwave well and truly was as bad as she had acted. I had to wrap my food in a couple layers of paper towels and napkins to feel safe enough to use it. I also noticed a sign, that essentially said, “Clean up after yourself please”, and upon asking the nearby Cafeteria Clerk (Whom I’m friendly with), discovered they don’t work for the school at all (Contracted by Food Company to work there), and are loathe to get involved in non-company matters. Understandable. We need only look at some of the horror stories about Liability here at this board to see why.

    I later found a Maintenance Staff member, and apparently it’s supposed to be cleaned by the STUDENTS that use it, not College Staff/employee’s. Though Maintenance will clean it if it gets bad, as long as they’re told. Passing it along seems to be working for the most part, and I’ve cleaned it as well as I can myself once so far.



    Hand Holding:

    Look, I understand that you aren’t confident with computers, you’re interested in signing up for several Beginning Computers courses after all, but you really don’t need me right next to you.

    I’ve had people who have genuinely never used a computer before, at all, ever, who have needed less attention than you’ve needed. I’ve had people who barely speak or read English need less help in figuring out what the application to the College is saying.

    You don’t need my help.

    I’ve shown you how to do this, I walked you through the process, and stayed with you until I was sure that you understood what you were doing, if you’ve registered to vote, or done your Taxes, this should be easy, and yet every time I step away from you, you need to call me right back over for something that you should have been able to figure out. Indeed, as long as I’m next to you, you’ve tackled far more difficult questions with nary a peep from me.

    And yet you need me next to you.

    I am your night light, your security blanket, your metaphorical compass. Without me you apparently feel lost, insecure, and alone. I understand this, and I’m flattered even as I’m annoyed.

    But, in general, if it’s asking you if you have been told that you qualify for something, and you have never discussed what this something is before, then logically, you have not been told that you qualify for that something.

    In addition, if it asks you information that it says you will need your Tax information for, then yes, it’s saying that you likely need your Tax information. If you don’t have it, you can do your best guess, as I’ve told everyone so far (You included), just be aware that if it’s radically different, you may be disqualified from certain types of programs and Aid. So, it’s best to just have that information on hand (Or, online!).

    The rest is personal information about you, I genuinely have no idea if you have previously been to college prior to this one, and all I did to help you was to read aloud, word-for-word the question itself, just like you did moments ago, to me, when you asked what it meant. I then had to ask you, “Well, have you been to a college before now?”, before we actually GOT anywhere.

    And yes, if you’ve finished the page, you need to press continue to move on to the next one.



    Glad I could help?:

    Student: Where can I get a sticker for my Photo ID?
    Me: Okay, see these windows h-
    Student: Right any of them, thanks. (Walks off to wrong line)
    Me: … what? (Calls after) Right hand side only.
    Student: (Nods, does so)

    O-kay?



    Readin, ritin, rithmatic.:

    (Week ago)
    Student: I need to fill out the BLANK application
    Me: Okay, Let’s grab a computer, open a browser, click the Financial Aid link.
    Student: Okay (Does so with me).
    Me: Click the link to your Application.
    Student: Okay. (On arrival to page, starts waffling the cursor between “New user”, and “Log in”)
    Me: Have you ever used or made an account with this website?
    Student: Uhh… this website?
    Me: Yes, this website.
    Student: No?
    Me: Okay, then click new user, and make an account.
    Student: (Clicks “Log in” instead, then stares at the screen) Uhhh, where’s the New User option?
    Me: (Reaches over, brings him back to the previous screen and just points at the right option)
    Student: Oh, okay! Thanks!

    It is disturbing how little critical thinking and logical skill the people I help on a day to day basis have.



    Okay, so I can do the Orientation, but, can I do the Orientation?:

    This person and the person she’s translating for have had a glitch, and are on the phone with that website’s tech support to recover their account (Having forgotten their account login and password in the space of 5 minutes after making it). The person on the phone wants them to type in a different web address, and go to a slightly different version of their site.

    Which, they can’t do.

    That’s been disabled on these computers, you can’t type in a web address.

    So, she’s concerned that she won’t be able to complete her orientation now.

    Translator: Will we be able to do the orientation still?
    Me: Yes, when you’re done applying, and you receive your ID number, you’ll be able to do your orientation.
    Translator: Oh, okay, but, if I recover this account like this, can I still do the orientation?
    Me: Yes, it doesn’t matter how you do the application, as long as you get it done, you’ll receive an ID number, and then you can do the orientation.
    Translator: Oh, okay, but, if we take too long, can we still do the orientation?
    Me: Yes, it doesn’t matter how long it takes to fill it out, if you mean ‘If we run out of time to do this today, can we still do the orientation in general’, yes, you can do it tomorrow, today, any time anywhere that has internet, including at home.
    Translator: Oh, okay, but can we do the orientation when this is done?
    Me: Yes, when this is done, and you have your Student ID Number, you can do the Orientation.
    Translator: (As if she had just cleverly succeeded in getting me to finally answer her question) Ah! Okay! Thank you!

    If it had been the ESL student she had been translating for who had been asking this, I wouldn't have been irritated (I have failed every language class I've taken but one, I have a huge amount of respect for people learning English, they already speak more languages than I do). But, it was the translator who didn't seem to understand things. I think the ESL student picked up on the process faster than she did.



    Whose line is it anyway?:

    Student: Is this the line?
    Me: ... what line?
    Student: To find out if the hold I have on my account is removed.
    Me: You can check that on this computer here instead, the line for checking on that is pretty long (Like, almost half a city block long).
    Student: Oh, okay. This computer?
    Me: Yes, this computer, do you know how to use [service name]?
    Student: Yeah, like, [service name].com right?
    Me: … No, not dot com. Just click the link on the desktop, have you done this before?
    Student: No.
    Me: Okay, so, just type in your ID number and the password you made for your ID number here.
    Student: I don’t know any of this.
    Me: You don’t know your student ID number?
    Student: No.
    Me: … the line by the wall.
    Student: Thanks.

    Sometimes it feels like I genuinely can’t help people.



    Bring me lists, lists of classes!:

    I get people here who want to enroll in classes, and want me to show them all available open classes for them to peruse at their leisure.

    Up to two months after the semester has started.

    The sheer lack of concern/preparedness and such that this indicates is staggering, but, I’m gonna save what I have for later.

    The next semester is starting up, and I’ll wait to discuss that one until then, but, here’s some one liners for you:

    “So, the class start date is when I sign up for it right?”

    “If I wait till after the class starts, what are my odds of getting in?”

    “If I have two days left to pay for my classes, and my financial aid won’t arrive for a month, will my financial aid be too late?”

    “I’m done, but I don’t know what to do now, do I continue by pressing continue?”

    “When I fill out this form, do I fill it out for myself, or for what I think they want me to fill it out for?” (I didn’t ask for clarification for this one, I was afraid of it)



    From out of left field:

    This story was removed, it ended up being faulty. A more accurate version can be found here.


    ----

    Parting shot:

    Having to explain the concept of sexual orientation to two men who just immigrated from Afghanistan and who do not speak English fluently because the application is required to ask this by state law is just a bit of a surreal situation.

    “When you dated, did you date Boys or girls?”, “Do you find men or women attractive?”

    I hit decline to state on their application for them after failing to explain that.

    When they got to the second question, which asked them if they were “Transgender”, I didn’t even wait to hit decline to state. Not what I wanted to do that day.
    Last edited by Tee; 07-30-2015, 07:06 PM. Reason: Even more, even more editing, yaaaay.
    I am a Blank Space for spacing purposes, ignore me.
    In order to treat someone as your equal, you first need to believe both: that they are your equal, and that you are their's.

  • #2
    Wow. What a collection of goofballs!! You need cookies!!! *passes plate of Oreos*

    The "hand holding" one is what I do on a daily basis with a co-worker. Some categories of business come to us via email and I distribute one category to my CW's. Without fail, if "Betty" gets something that's even a little bit complicated, she'll sit there and say "There's no information! What do they want? What is this?"

    If I have time I'll look at it and say, "What does it say?" Then she'll start to read it - out loud - and inevitably go "Oh. Okay. I see."

    So why doesn't she just do that to begin with???

    As for the "left field" one, I can't even...what the hell?? I'm always amazed when someone turns out to be so clueless. I would've been just as stunned as you were.
    When you start at zero, everything's progress.

    Comment


    • #3
      Yeah, kinda have a new appreciation for deer on roads when suddenly something incredibly bright and fast bears down on them.

      Thanks for the cookies. : P
      I am a Blank Space for spacing purposes, ignore me.
      In order to treat someone as your equal, you first need to believe both: that they are your equal, and that you are their's.

      Comment


      • #4
        Fail Them

        For most of these people I would prefer if they were *NOT* offered any help.

        If they need help for such basic problems I don't see that they will make good students.

        If they were filtered out from the being in class then the colleges would have a far better group on average graduating. Or at-least stop wasting teacher's and good students time on people who do not want to put in the effort to learn.

        My three year computer course at college started out with over thirty students, at the end of the three years there were only five of us left. Think how much better we could had learnt if there had been only five of us for the whole three years and no dumb students holding us back.

        PS. Yes, I know the payment from the thirty students in the first year helped to pay for our teachers, and after the first year some students moved to a different set of courses, but at-least half of the students out and out quit going to school in that first year because they found it too tough not having their hand held thru every little problem.

        Comment


        • #5
          Yeah, we would, but that would sadly be discrimination. :/

          It's the whole "everyone deserves college, college is the bestest thing ever for people to take, nearly free college for everyone!" thing. The primary form of financial aid here waives the tuition fee.

          Completely.

          Which means there's little cost (aside from books and materials) to taking classes, though they recently (just last week) started incorporating rules to prevent abuse of the system. Limits on GPA, number of dropped/failed classes, and probation statuses. That sort of thing.
          Last edited by Tee; 07-25-2015, 06:10 PM. Reason: always spelling, thanks autocorrect
          I am a Blank Space for spacing purposes, ignore me.
          In order to treat someone as your equal, you first need to believe both: that they are your equal, and that you are their's.

          Comment


          • #6
            Sounds like a lot of the students at your college are Kappas (extrapolating from Brave New World).
            Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth wolfie View Post
              Sounds like a lot of the students at your college are Kappas (extrapolating from Brave New World).
              I uh, actually didn't get that references, spent a lot of time on google trying too. XD

              I swear, it's gonna be something obvious too...
              I am a Blank Space for spacing purposes, ignore me.
              In order to treat someone as your equal, you first need to believe both: that they are your equal, and that you are their's.

              Comment


              • #8
                Dang I was thinking Epsilon Semi-Morons.
                https://purplefish-quilting.square.site/

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth Tee View Post
                  I uh, actually didn't get that references, spent a lot of time on google trying too. XD

                  I swear, it's gonna be something obvious too...
                  Quoth Kanalah View Post
                  Dang I was thinking Epsilon Semi-Morons.
                  BNW has 5 classes of people, with the intellect of each class suited to the jobs they are assigned. Alphas are the top "big brain" types, running through Beta (side note - did anyone else see the sexism, with there being NO female Alphas or male Betas in the book), Gamma (typical job: factory worker), Delta, and at the bottom of the heap are the Epsilon Minus Semi-Morons (one scene has an E- elevator operator, where a computer voice tells him which floor to go to - he could easily be replaced by a machine, but E- jobs are basically "make-work" projects). Some of the lower classes are deliberately brain-damaged as fetuses (book mentions deliberately causing fetal alcohol syndrome in the "artificial womb" facility).

                  The reason I said I was extrapolating from BNW is that Kappa is the 6th letter of the Greek alphabet. If you've read the book, and have seen what an Epsilon's intelligence is like, you can probably imagine what the next step down the line would be like.
                  Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth wolfie View Post
                    (side note - did anyone else see the sexism, with there being NO female Alphas or male Betas in the book)
                    Given that it was written in 1931, I don't think implicit sexism is in any way unusual for works of the time.
                    Life: Reality TV for deities. - dalesys

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      OH, okay, get it now. Weird, when I googled up that before, the book didn't come up.

                      Yeah, I don't think many of the students I help could operate an elevator for someone, not without being shown how to at least once a day.



                      Well, guys, I have a confession to make.

                      I made a booboo.

                      All of these so far, are things I typed up in the last year, but never posted (I've been going through my various notes and compiling them together).

                      That "From out of Left Field" story happened in November, but, the write-up was from late January, early February.

                      In my old International Political Economy class notes, I found a version written the same day, and it differs wildly. Having read it, I now remember the rest happening, and, well, it's kinda embarrassing to be wrong like that. The story isn't changed much, but, the student looks a lot worse.

                      Again, sorry.

                      ----

                      Not from Left Field after all:

                      This student is kinda rubbing me wrong, when I was helping another student she was invading my personal space to ensure she was next, tapping her foot, tapping the counter, edging into my line of sight to try and make eye contact (After telling her “One moment” I then ignored her until the current student was done).

                      Once I got to her, she wanted me to help her enroll in classes, I gave my standard, “Let me show you how. ” response (It’s more to make sure people know that I’ll show them, not do it for them).

                      Aaand that’s when this popped up.

                      Student: So, are Retards allowed here?
                      Me: (...what?) ...what?
                      Student: (With emphasis) Are Retards allowed here?
                      Me: Why wouldn’t they be?
                      Student: I dunno, I just wanted to know if they’re allowed here.
                      Me: Why?
                      Student: Because they keep pointing at me. (Angrily gestures at some disabled students)
                      Me: (Looks) Yes, they’re enrolled here, and I believe part of our Disabilities program.
                      Student: Oh, okay then.

                      I wish I could say that it went well after that.

                      It didn’t, though I escaped briefly to “Ask my Boss a Question”, in which I told her about the above exchange, she was extremely disappointed that I hadn’t confronted the student, and ordered me to not put up with that sort of behavior in the future. I unfortunately had to return after a few minutes.

                      After this, the student needed help every few seconds (in the “I can’t make my own decisions and or life choices” way), asking questions like: “Should I click continue to continue?” and “To look at summer classes I click summer right?”.

                      And, the one that ended up causing the most troubles for her, “If I take a Childhood development class, I can take a photography class right?” The questions was not “Are these conflicting”, she genuinely thought she couldn’t take two different classes at the same time. Which boggled me a bit. Well, yes, why couldn’t you? Are you in some special program that requires you to take only one type of class?

                      Are you in a monogamous relationship with your program, where you’re not allowed to see other classes?

                      If you're afraid of your current program getting Jealous, and possibly turning violent, I'm sure there's a support group for that.

                      If you think I’m over-reacting, I answered this question a minimum of 4 times before she understood that she could indeed enroll in a Photography class alongside her other class.

                      They she asked if she could also enroll in a computer class.

                      Guess how many times she asked that one.

                      I was originally going to make a joke about how she was actually asking for herself, not about those other students. But, I know far too many people in the disability program, and I’m not going to insult them even by Proxy.

                      ----

                      So yeah, that was the original story, again, sorry. I really don't know what happened, and why they differed so wildly.

                      I'm almost done going through all of my notes, and I won't be posting until I'm sure that all of them are the fully accurate and best versions.
                      Last edited by Tee; 07-30-2015, 07:03 PM. Reason: Spelling -_-
                      I am a Blank Space for spacing purposes, ignore me.
                      In order to treat someone as your equal, you first need to believe both: that they are your equal, and that you are their's.

                      Comment

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