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I don't want to talk about lotion anymore!
I just can't do it, guys! There's too much lotion, all right? THERE IS SO MUCH LOTION.Maybe I'd better explain.
See, every week corporate gives us a line item to sell at the register. It's up on the little stand next to the card scanner. It's always something different, usually something new, or something we have a lot of. And, basically, I'm sick of having the same conversation. Here is everything I've had to say for pretty much every transaction I've done... um, since I got this job in August.
* It costs a dollar. Just like everything else in the store
* No, it's not on sale. Nothing is on sale. It's a dollar store.
* No, it is not free. I specifically asked if you would like to BUY it.
* I don't care that you were joking. It wasn't funny the first time, it's not funny the five hundred and fiftieth time and it sure as sugar wasn't funny the many, many times people actually thought it was free. After I asked if they wanted to PURCHASE it.
* No, it's not a fundraiser for anyone. (This one is funny. When I ask, "Would you like to buy X?" They ask, "What for?" I was all, "Um... to... use?" After, like, twelve customers did one finally explained that she thought it was a fundraiser.)
* There's nothing wrong with it. You look really paranoid when you asked, too. Why are you so suspicious? Would you like to sit down? Maybe have some water? One dollar. (They get downright accusatory with this question. Trust me. They really want to know what's wrong with it. They have trust issues. Someone has hurt them in the past, I'm sure of it.)
* It's right here. I'm pointing at it. Maybe if you looked at me instead of staring vacantly off into the sunset you would see it. When you say "where," and I point and say, "right here, next to the register," and you say "where" again and look away, it makes me want to cram a locust down your throat.
And here's where the lotion comes in. For, like, three weeks the item has been lotion. And the conversation has moved to lotion. I have been making small talk about lotion for nearly a month. For the record:
* I don't care how much lotion you have at home.
* You do not need to tell me what ingredients you are allergic to.
* I have no interest in comparing brands.
* I don't know how much it costs at other stores. I mean, I doubt it's less than a dollar, but I don't have a price chart or cell phone with internet on hand to check.
* No, I don't use this brand.
* No, I don't use any lotion.
* It's because I don't like lotion. I only use it when my hands are literally bleeding at the nails.
* You're welcome for that mental image.
* I admitted I don't like lotion when pestered to give an answer, rather than lie about the product. However, no one wants to hear you whine about how much you don't want lotion. Actual whining, not just complaining, like with the high voice and everything. You are a grown up. Act like one.
* Actually, no complaining, either.
* Seriously, I do not care how much lotion you have at home. A simple, "No, thanks, I'm set," will suffice. Stop listing all the places you have lotion bottles!
* STOP TALKING ABOUT LOTION.
And now that I'm done venting, I'm perfectly comfortable with the fact that this thread, if people post in it, is almost certainly destined to degrade into people talking about lotion.
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