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  • #76
    Dear Mr. Garboy,

    After reading and deciphering your letter, we have decided not to honor your request for compensation. However we have made steps to make sure none of this happens again with warning labels.

    Sincerely,

    T. Manager

    ----------------------------

    Dear Borders and Noble's,

    I purchaced a book about the end of the world and was appaled about the vagueness of the date. All your books should give an exact date about the end of the world.

    Sincerely,

    Tinn F. Oilhatt
    Low lie the Fields of Athenry/ Where once we watched the small free birds fly/ Our love was on the wing/ we had dreams and songs to sing/ It's so lonely around the Fields of Athenry

    Comment


    • #77
      Dear Mr. Oilhatt,
      I heard the end of the world is taking place on 2/3/10. Oh dear...that's tomorrow. I would recommend stocking up and not coming out of your house for about 20 years...just to be safe.

      Sincerely,
      Management


      Dear Boozers R Us,
      Last night I attempted to come into your establishment with my five year old son. Imagine my surprise when your bartender informed me that I was not allowed to bring children into the bar. I have been coming to your bar for a very long time (5 month to be exact!). I demand that you give me a lifetime supply of free booze for my troubles.

      Al Co'holic

      Comment


      • #78
        Quoth XCashier View Post
        Connie Lingus

        I don't go in for ancient wisdom
        I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
        It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

        Comment


        • #79
          I wondered if anybody was going to notice her name...
          I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
          My LiveJournal
          A page we can all agree with!

          Comment


          • #80
            Quoth XCashier View Post
            I wondered if anybody was going to notice her name...
            Isn't she a stewardess for an Irish airline?
            I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
            Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
            Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

            Comment


            • #81
              Quoth Sunsetsky View Post
              Dear Mr. Oilhatt,
              I heard the end of the world is taking place on 2/3/10. Oh dear...that's tomorrow. I would recommend stocking up and not coming out of your house for about 20 years...just to be safe.

              Sincerely,
              Management


              Dear Boozers R Us,
              Last night I attempted to come into your establishment with my five year old son. Imagine my surprise when your bartender informed me that I was not allowed to bring children into the bar. I have been coming to your bar for a very long time (5 month to be exact!). I demand that you give me a lifetime supply of free booze for my troubles.

              Al Co'holic
              Dear Mr Co'holic,

              unfortunately we have to pay more attention to the law than your whining and unreasonable demands. So instead here's an AA leaflet which I suggest you read.

              yours,

              The Manager

              Dear Manager,

              I'm from Texas and was on vacation and I decided to visit a pub as I had heard all about English pubs and wanted to sample a pint of English beer for myself. I saw a sign outside your pub saying "we show live football here" only to find, much to my disgust, that you were showing SOCCER!!!! And everyone kept having the nerve to call it football!!!!

              I expect you to force the premiere league or whatever you call it to change to proper gridiron football as you should be making as American tourists feel at home, not making us endure that pansy soccer garbage. I expect this to happen before the next time I visit England, which is next week.

              Yours sincerely,

              I.G. Norant

              Comment


              • #82
                Dear Mr. Norant,

                Beware of Dog.

                That is all.

                Sincerely,
                Pub Manager

                ---

                Dear Mrs. Shoes,

                I want the puppies. I have been watching them every day and they look at me through my computer screen (never mind that they just opened their eyes a few days ago) and, while I know they were already spoken for before they were even born, they clearly want to come home with me. Please arrange for them to be on a plane to Newark Liberty Airport and I will gladly meet them.

                Sincerely,

                I. Wantsahotdog

                PS, you may want to check on them. Bonsai is currently trying to eat Byakko's face.
                Last edited by BookstoreEscapee; 02-04-2010, 01:00 AM.
                I don't go in for ancient wisdom
                I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
                It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

                Comment


                • #83
                  Quoth dalesys View Post
                  Isn't she a stewardess for an Irish airline?
                  I thought she was a waitress at Ernie's Crab Shack. Or at least she should've been.
                  Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

                  Comment


                  • #84
                    Dear Ms. Wantsahotdog,

                    I'm afraid I can't give you the puppies. Sorry. I'd rather not break other deals.

                    Mrs. Shoes

                    --------------------

                    Dear Jered's,

                    I gave my wife one of your diamond bracelets fpr three years ago and now she expects jewelery for every occation. I want compensation for this annoyance.

                    Nott Gettingany.
                    Low lie the Fields of Athenry/ Where once we watched the small free birds fly/ Our love was on the wing/ we had dreams and songs to sing/ It's so lonely around the Fields of Athenry

                    Comment


                    • #85
                      Dear Mr. Gettinany:

                      Please find enclosed our Valentine's Day sales ad which should be useful to you in this situation. May I recommend the heart-shaped diamond necklace?

                      Alternatively, grow a pair.

                      Sincerely,

                      Aint'i Ajewel



                      Dear State Governor:

                      I took my son for his driving test yesterday and they refused to test him! The lady behind the counter said he didn't meet the requirements, and she wouldn't feel safe riding in the car with him. My son was very damaged emotionally by her words, and hurt at the rejection - his seeing eye dog allows him to function in life just like anyone else and a state employee ought to be more sensitive to people with disabilities. I feel your policy is discriminatory to the visually impaired and will be contating the ADA department if you do not immediately institute a new law protecting blind people from discrimination and harasssment when applying for their driver's licenses. Also, I will vote for your opponent in the next election and tell the press that you eat puppies.

                      Sincerely,
                      Mya Cataract

                      Comment


                      • #86
                        Dear Mrs. Cataract,

                        While I understand you want to your son to have every opportunity any other young man should have, he simply can't. The laws of the road strictly dictate an individual must be able to see all signs and obstacles on the road. That's why we have headlights at night.

                        Even a sighted person who's sight isn't up to par can be denied a driver's license.

                        Please try to look at this logically. Would you allow your son to walk around the city if he had no cane, no seeing eye dog, and the cross walk didn't beep. He would be in a great deal of danger.

                        Everyone on the road would be in danger if we put a blind individual behind the wheel of a one ton metal machine that's going dozens of miles an hour.

                        How would he know when the light was changing? If someone was crossing the road? How would he know when the speed limit changes?

                        These are questions you need to ask yourself. And realize it's not safe for anybody if you son was given a driver's license.

                        I would sadly give up my office to keep our state's roads safe. But please note I'm keeping this letter on file, and if you try to spread any libel about me, I will have no trouble giving it to the media. I don't think it paints you in the best light.

                        I really don't see this working out for you;
                        State Governor I.C. Itall
                        Hinakiba777- Student of Divinity-Always trying to get laid.

                        Annoying student=I pay tuition here so I pay your salary!
                        Desk Worker=I pay tuition here, too. So I guess I pay myself.

                        Comment


                        • #87
                          Ermmm since ^ ^ didn't write one I will.


                          Dear Walmart,

                          I went to your store and you were ALL out of my fave sandwich. This is unacceptable! UNACCEPTABLE! I demand $50000 in gift cards because this has ruined my entire life! Also there were no paper towels in the bathroom!

                          Sincerely, Give Italltome
                          My Wajas cave

                          Comment


                          • #88
                            Dear Mr. Italltome,

                            I'm afraid we can't afford to give you a $50,000 gift card but we'll be sending you a $100 gift card. Also, the reason that there are no paper towels in the restrooms is because it's better for the environment to use the hand dryers.

                            Sincerely,

                            Mr. Wal Mart


                            Dear Restaurant Manager,

                            I came into your restaurant and sat in my regular spot when the hostess came over and told me that I needed to wait in the waiting area in order to be seated. I told her that I always sit at that table and I wasn't moving. She had the nerve to call security and have me removed from the restaurant. I want the hostess fired for being rude to me and free meals for the next two months to make up for the humiliation I suffered.

                            Sincerely,

                            Mrs. Pat Ron
                            My Fanfic Page
                            My Fiction Page
                            My Social Group
                            My Pet Social Group
                            My You Tube Channel

                            Comment


                            • #89
                              Dear Mrs Ron

                              I have spoken to my waitress who says that she clearly did not tell you to wait in the waiting area to be seated, usually there would be no problem with you sitting at that seat.
                              What she told you was that the heaters in that area of the restaurant were not working that night, and she was waiting for the area to be reheated.

                              Had you continued to sit there in the weather we are having lately you would have caught pneumonia.Did you not notice there were no other customers in that part of the restaurant? Security had to remove you in order to prevent you damaging your own health.

                              Sincerely, Ura Knotrite, restaurant manager




                              Dear Grocery Store manager,

                              Why are you not open at 4 in the morning, it is inconvenient.
                              i demand free groceries to compensate.

                              MRS PULLIN A. FASTWON.
                              Customer "why did you answer the phone if you can't help me?"

                              Comment


                              • #90
                                Dear Mr FASTWON

                                We're sorry you feel inconvienanced, but this may have been avoided if you want to the Kroger across the street. They are open 24/7.

                                Sincerely, Manager (can't come up with good name).

                                Dear Walmart,

                                This letter is an apology for my behavior at your store 2 years ago. I was way out of line destroying $10,000 worth of merchandise and feel I should pay for the damages I incurred. I also feel horrible about punching your greeter in the face when he was only trying to be friendly. And I also wish those two security guards who tried to calm me down a happy recovery.

                                In case you don't know, I am sending this letter from my state prison. I will most certainly be here for a very long time. I truely feel sorry for the damages I caused and want to make it up to Walmart in any way I can. I will surely pay for any damages or medical costs that resulted from my behavior. Maybe I can even work you for (for free of course), to pay for any other damages and as a sign of good faith. I think I would make a good greeter. I am working on my anger problems, and my mother always told me I was polite.

                                I hope this letter puts us back in good graces. My hearing is coming up in a couple of months and they are considering dropping my assualt and battery charges for my good behavior. With your help, I just might get those murder charges reduced as well!

                                Good day,

                                S. C. Repentant

                                Comment

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