Tweet
Ah, my lovely customers. So very concerned about their privacy and financial safety, two very important things, I will agree, but in such... interesting ways their concerns can be expressed. There are the normal multitudes of customers who want extra passwords on their account, refuse to do online anything, don't believe in debit cards. Normal, everyday stuff, that. Then there are these customers:
NO mail!
Customer number 1 is a very kind, sweet guy. Never creepy, and has actually never accused anyone working at my bank of anything despite the rest of the world being out to get him.
He has his account blocked down for absolutely no automatic anything. It won't even take a direct deposit or an ATM withdraw, that's how locked down it is. The ONLY way he can do anything on his account is in person. One of the reasons he likes us is that we take customer photos on our accounts and we still ask to see a photo ID and ask for his password in addition to that picture (by his request, which is noted on the account).
His biggest concern is that his mail keeps getting stolen. Specifically his mail that goes to his locked post office box. "They" get into his mail and read it in order to steal his identity and then they put it back exactly how it was before so he won't know about it.
Because of these nefarious mail thieves, Customer 1 requests that NO mail be sent out to him, EVER. Of course, he also does nothing on the internet, and he has no phone number. We have a opt-out form for our statements, but there are some things that we are legally obligated, as a financial institution, to at least try to notify our customers about. One of those things is when his CDs are about to renew... so this customer will close them 3 months early, taking the penalty, and then open a new cd rather than allow the renewal date to come up. There is also an IRS form that gets sent to him about his interest earned that year. No escaping that one. This triggers the annual closing of his current savings account and re-opening it with a new account number. Because "they" got his account information from that statement.
His safe deposit box he pays ahead of the due date in cash so as to not trigger a coming due notice. If he ever gets a coming due notice, he closes the rental of the box and, again, opens a new one.
Sweet guy, just... yeah.
Notary service vs. the mob
Customer # 2 is... scary. She seems very nice and normal at first. What she wants is simple: a notary. She writes letters and she always wants her signature notarized on the letters. This way, she can always have proof that this is her letter and they can't fake her signature on anything else, because she never signs anything on paper unless it's notarized.
The reason she needs to send out these notarized letters is that she is trying, single-handedly, to defeat the mob bosses who are after her. By sending her notarized explanations out to every government official she can find an address for, they can't get her without someone noticing. Although the governor and the mayor and various others are in the mob's payroll. As are the lawyers she occasionally tries to go to for assistance.
I can't really explain what it is about this woman that makes her scary. Maybe it's the way her eyes show white around all the edges when she gets worked up in her explanation. Maybe it's how calmly and quietly she speaks about these people out to get her. There is just something about her that makes you think that one day she will just... snap. And who knows what she'll do.
But until then, she will calmly and politely get her papers notarized and protect herself from the mob.
ATM PIN number change
Customer 3 is an ass.
He started off as just another grumpy long-time customer annoyed about change. We recently did an ATM upgrade. Our ATMs now count the money you deposit and scan the checks. No more envelopes, and the receipt actually gives you a miniaturized copy of the check. It's kinda cool. The change has a software upgrade that went along with it.
Well, something messed up. For some reason, the new ATM software won't let customers change their PIN at the ATM.
We have multiple alternatives for our customers while they are figuring out the problem. The phone number you call to activate cards when you get them in the mail also allows you to set or change the PIN on existing cards. We can change the PIN in person for our customers, letting them type the PIN into a private pinpad so we don't see what it is (I can show customers my screen... I only see stars). Customers can also change their PIN at ATMs that are not our own ATMs since the problem is not with the cards or the internal system, but with the new software on the ATMs themselves.
EVERY single customer who has even noticed this is a problem (most don't) has been happy enough with the alternatives. But not this guy.
This guy wanted to speak with my manager, then my manager's manager, then the person in charge of the ATMs and the CEO of the bank himself. Not for an explanation or an apology or to be heard. But to make it work. NOW. He MUST change his PIN at the ATM.
He can't use the secure phone line. His phone is being tapped and people will get his PIN.
After much grumbling, he did set the PIN in my office (I foolishly thought I'd gotten him reluctantly taken care of), but only because he somehow thought that he would be able to change it at the ATM like he wants after it is set to begin with. Because despite MY telling him it would not work, he called "someone" and they told him that it would, but it turns out I was right and the PIN can't be changed at the ATM right now. Only since he used the PIN that he set in my office to withdraw money, now hackers can go to that ATM and withdraw money from his account. Apparently he changes his PIN every time he uses the ATM to avoid this risk.
I offered to have him change the PIN again in my office, but that is not acceptable any longer. Since he set his PIN in my office, we all have internal access to his PIN and it is a conspiracy and we are going to steal his money.
He eventually left, after declaring that he would be contacting the FBI on ALL of us because we are not allowing him to control his own account.
*sigh*
NO mail!
Customer number 1 is a very kind, sweet guy. Never creepy, and has actually never accused anyone working at my bank of anything despite the rest of the world being out to get him.
He has his account blocked down for absolutely no automatic anything. It won't even take a direct deposit or an ATM withdraw, that's how locked down it is. The ONLY way he can do anything on his account is in person. One of the reasons he likes us is that we take customer photos on our accounts and we still ask to see a photo ID and ask for his password in addition to that picture (by his request, which is noted on the account).
His biggest concern is that his mail keeps getting stolen. Specifically his mail that goes to his locked post office box. "They" get into his mail and read it in order to steal his identity and then they put it back exactly how it was before so he won't know about it.
Because of these nefarious mail thieves, Customer 1 requests that NO mail be sent out to him, EVER. Of course, he also does nothing on the internet, and he has no phone number. We have a opt-out form for our statements, but there are some things that we are legally obligated, as a financial institution, to at least try to notify our customers about. One of those things is when his CDs are about to renew... so this customer will close them 3 months early, taking the penalty, and then open a new cd rather than allow the renewal date to come up. There is also an IRS form that gets sent to him about his interest earned that year. No escaping that one. This triggers the annual closing of his current savings account and re-opening it with a new account number. Because "they" got his account information from that statement.
His safe deposit box he pays ahead of the due date in cash so as to not trigger a coming due notice. If he ever gets a coming due notice, he closes the rental of the box and, again, opens a new one.
Sweet guy, just... yeah.
Notary service vs. the mob
Customer # 2 is... scary. She seems very nice and normal at first. What she wants is simple: a notary. She writes letters and she always wants her signature notarized on the letters. This way, she can always have proof that this is her letter and they can't fake her signature on anything else, because she never signs anything on paper unless it's notarized.
The reason she needs to send out these notarized letters is that she is trying, single-handedly, to defeat the mob bosses who are after her. By sending her notarized explanations out to every government official she can find an address for, they can't get her without someone noticing. Although the governor and the mayor and various others are in the mob's payroll. As are the lawyers she occasionally tries to go to for assistance.
I can't really explain what it is about this woman that makes her scary. Maybe it's the way her eyes show white around all the edges when she gets worked up in her explanation. Maybe it's how calmly and quietly she speaks about these people out to get her. There is just something about her that makes you think that one day she will just... snap. And who knows what she'll do.
But until then, she will calmly and politely get her papers notarized and protect herself from the mob.
ATM PIN number change
Customer 3 is an ass.
He started off as just another grumpy long-time customer annoyed about change. We recently did an ATM upgrade. Our ATMs now count the money you deposit and scan the checks. No more envelopes, and the receipt actually gives you a miniaturized copy of the check. It's kinda cool. The change has a software upgrade that went along with it.
Well, something messed up. For some reason, the new ATM software won't let customers change their PIN at the ATM.
We have multiple alternatives for our customers while they are figuring out the problem. The phone number you call to activate cards when you get them in the mail also allows you to set or change the PIN on existing cards. We can change the PIN in person for our customers, letting them type the PIN into a private pinpad so we don't see what it is (I can show customers my screen... I only see stars). Customers can also change their PIN at ATMs that are not our own ATMs since the problem is not with the cards or the internal system, but with the new software on the ATMs themselves.
EVERY single customer who has even noticed this is a problem (most don't) has been happy enough with the alternatives. But not this guy.
This guy wanted to speak with my manager, then my manager's manager, then the person in charge of the ATMs and the CEO of the bank himself. Not for an explanation or an apology or to be heard. But to make it work. NOW. He MUST change his PIN at the ATM.
He can't use the secure phone line. His phone is being tapped and people will get his PIN.
After much grumbling, he did set the PIN in my office (I foolishly thought I'd gotten him reluctantly taken care of), but only because he somehow thought that he would be able to change it at the ATM like he wants after it is set to begin with. Because despite MY telling him it would not work, he called "someone" and they told him that it would, but it turns out I was right and the PIN can't be changed at the ATM right now. Only since he used the PIN that he set in my office to withdraw money, now hackers can go to that ATM and withdraw money from his account. Apparently he changes his PIN every time he uses the ATM to avoid this risk.
I offered to have him change the PIN again in my office, but that is not acceptable any longer. Since he set his PIN in my office, we all have internal access to his PIN and it is a conspiracy and we are going to steal his money.
He eventually left, after declaring that he would be contacting the FBI on ALL of us because we are not allowing him to control his own account.
*sigh*
Comment