Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Groaners

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #61
    BOOOOOOOOOO....just.....boo....wow......jeez.

    I don't think my brain can't take this.


    This is a two parter:

    1. There's two muffins sitting in an oven. One looks at the other, says "Hey, it's getting warm in here! The other one looks right at him and screams "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"

    2. There's a dinosaur and a robot in a theme park. The robot wanted to go on the rollercoaster, so they get in line. They get in the car, and as soon as they're at the top, the dinosaur looks over at the robot frightened.....and he says, "Oh man, oh man oh man oh man, I forgot, I'm scared of rollercoasters.......!" The robot slowly turns to him, and with an astonished look on his metallic face....screams...

    ....
    ....

    wait for it......













    'HOLY CRAP A TALKING MUFFIN!" im sorry.....

    Comment


    • #62
      Quoth DarthRetard View Post
      'HOLY CRAP A TALKING MUFFIN!" im sorry.....
      And you have the guile to boo my joke?!

      "I don't want any part of your crazy cult! I'm already a member of the public library and that's good enough for me, thanks!"

      ~TechSmith 314
      HellGate: London

      Comment


      • #63
        Quoth NightAngel View Post
        And you have the guile to boo my joke?!


        Look! A Talking muffin!


        Oh, I slay me...someone better j ust block me from this thread before i cause anymore damage to the ozone layer.....

        Comment


        • #64
          Did you hear about the dehydrated Frenchman?

          His name was Pierre, and that's all he could do.
          Sometimes life is altered.
          Break from the ropes your hands are tied.
          Uneasy with confrontation.
          Won't turn out right. Can't turn out right

          Comment


          • #65
            OK, this one is truly terrible; apologies to the people who's names I misused, but I couldn't think of anyone else's on the spot.

            Raps: My pen's just run out.
            Ree: Quick, run after it!
            People who don't like cats were probably mice in an earlier life.
            My DeviantArt.

            Comment


            • #66
              Patient: I feel like a pair of curtains.
              Doctor: Pull yourself together!
              ludo ergo sum

              Comment


              • #67
                Did you hear about the two bald guys who put their heads together?

                They made an ass of themselves.
                Sometimes life is altered.
                Break from the ropes your hands are tied.
                Uneasy with confrontation.
                Won't turn out right. Can't turn out right

                Comment


                • #68
                  Did you hear about the man who fell into a river in France?

                  He went in Seine.
                  People who don't like cats were probably mice in an earlier life.
                  My DeviantArt.

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Two pretzels were walking down the street, and one was assaulted ("a salted." Thanks Monty Python)
                    ___________________________

                    Can you imagine a world with no hypothetical situations?
                    ___________________________

                    A man came down to breakfast one morning and his wife asked him why he had been out so late the night before.

                    "Oh, it was wonderful, dear," he replied. "There's this new bar that just opened called the Golden Palace. I was there all night! They have golden doors, and golden floors. They even have golden urinals!"

                    Skeptical, the wife searched around and found that there was indeed a bar called the Golden Palace, so she called them.

                    "Excuse me," she asked the bartender on the phone, "but do you have golden doors?"
                    "Yes."
                    "And do you have golden floors."
                    "Yes we do."
                    "And do you have golden urinals?"
                    The bartender thought for a moment, then called out "Hey Al, I think we got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!"

                    ___________________________

                    A pirate walks into a bar, and he has a steering wheel in his pants.

                    "Hey," the bartender asks, "what's with the steering wheel?"
                    The pirate replied, "Arrg, it drives me nuts."

                    ___________________________

                    A husband and wife had an argument and stopped talking to each other. This went on for days, until the husband needed to get up early to leave for a business trip. Not wanting to lose the battle and be the first to speak, he wrote "Wake me up at 5. I have a flight in the morning," and gave it to his wife before going to bed. The next morning he awoke to find sunlight filling the bedroom and he could hear birds singing outside. It was 9am and he had missed his flight. Furious, he looked over and saw that his wife was not in bed, but there was a note on his pillow that she had left him. "It's 5am. Wake up."
                    "You are loved" - Plaidman.

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Just remembered a great groaner (aren't you lucky?).

                      A cathedral put out a notice that they were seeking a bell ringer. A few days later, a man approached the abbot and said he was interested in the job. The abbot looked him over and saw that he had no arms.

                      "My good man," the abbot said, "I appreciate your interest, but there are certain...qualifications I'm afraid you are lacking."
                      "Please, sir," the man said. "I desperately need a job. Besides, I have other ways I can perform the task."
                      Intrigued, the abbot led the man up to the tower and showed him the large bell. "Well, it's right about 2 o'clock," he said. "Let's see how you do."
                      The man stepped back, put his head down, and ran straight into the bell, and it rang louder and clearer than ever before. The man stepped back a second time and did it again, the second ring as perfect as the first.
                      "Excellent," the abbot exclaimed. "You'll start in the morning!"

                      The next day, the man came in and started his routine at 6am. He did fine until noon. By the 11th ring he had become very dizzy, and as he charged at the bell a final time he ran right past it and fell from the tower, and plummeted to his death.

                      The abbot called the police and met them outside by the body.
                      "A terrible tragedy," the abbot said.
                      "Do you know this man's name, your grace?" the investigator asked.
                      "No," the abbot replied. "But his face rings a bell."
                      "You are loved" - Plaidman.

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Little Boy blew


                        Hey, he needed the money....
                        The report button - not just for decoration

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Man goes to the doctor, and says: Some days I think I'm a wigwam, and some days I think I'm a teepee. Doctor says, you should relax...you're two tents.

                          Woman goes to the doctor and says, "Every time I drink my tea I get a piercing pain in my eye." Doctor examines her eye and asks her some questions to determine the cause. Finally he has an answer for her. "Take the spoon out of your cup."
                          I don't go in for ancient wisdom
                          I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
                          It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Quoth Kara_CS View Post
                            "Do you know this man's name, your grace?" the investigator asked.
                            "No," the abbot replied. "But his face rings a bell."
                            Have you heard the follow-up to that one?

                            The next day, another man comes for the bell-ringing job. The abbot notices he looks a lot like the previous, late bell-ringer. "He was my brother," the man explained, "and he loved church-bells, so I'd like to take the job and ring the bells in his memory." Touched, the abbot hires the man.

                            The next day, the man started his job, and rang the bells perfectly, but around noon, he slipped off the bell tower and fell to his death.

                            The police returned, and the investigator asked the abbot for the dead man's name.

                            The abbot replied, "I don't know, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
                            I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
                            My LiveJournal
                            A page we can all agree with!

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              What do you do with 365 used condoms?











                              Melt them into a tire and call it a Goodyear!
                              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                Quoth BookstoreEscapee View Post
                                Man goes to the doctor, and says: Some days I think I'm a wigwam, and some days I think I'm a teepee. Doctor says, you should relax...you're two tents.

                                Don't you know we're past tense? We're into bungalows now.
                                Last edited by Ree; 04-04-2007, 10:51 PM. Reason: Fixing quote tags
                                Testing
                                "I saw a flock of moosen! There were many of 'em. Many much moosen. Out in the woods- in the woodes- in the woodsen. The meese want the food. The food is to eatenesen."

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X