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  • Female Doctors / Nurses, Male Patients, And Embarrassing Natural Reactions

    So ladies...

    How many of you have had a male patient "rise to the occasion" while performing an intimate examination or procedure on him? How did both of you handle the situation?

  • #2
    I'm not a doctor, but when my father-in-law was hospitalized before he died, we went to visit him one day. The guy in the bed kept calling out "Nurse! Nurse? I need some help!" I popped my head over and asked if he needed medical help or if there was something I could do for him. He just wanted a washcloth, so I went out to the supply closet and got him one. Came back and he was buck naked, spread eagle on the bed with the most pathetic wrinkled erection I'd ever seen. I threw the washcloth at him and walked out of the room, red-faced (there was a curtain separating his bed from Dad's).

    A nurse was coming in to check on Dad, saw my face and said, "Oh, did Larry do something rude again?" I nodded. She said, "We won't go over there any more. Only George takes care of Larry, keeps him from misbehaving" LOL

    I can understand being a bit desperate if you're stuck in a hospital, but FFS... I had my KIDS with me.
    GK/Kara/Jester fangirl.

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    • #3
      Quoth tollbaby View Post
      ... the most pathetic wrinkled erection ...
      I'd be tempted to have Larry star in the music video for Lef Diptards new hit, "Pour Some Ether On Me"
      I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
      Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
      Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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      • #4
        A couple years ago when I had the Cardiac Catheter done, I had to have my "nether regions" shaved.

        The nurse reached under my gown and placed a cloth over the private parts, then pulled back the gown.

        Fortunately (or was it unfortunately)... She wasn't that attractive. And even if she had been, with all the Beta blockers, Calcium blockers & blood thinners I was on, nothing was going to happen.*



        *Since been remedied.
        Life is too short to not eat popcorn.
        Save the Ales!
        Toys for Tots at Rooster's Cafe

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        • #5
          About two years ago I had any number of lovely nurses and doctors looking at my gentleman's sausage and plums (as Jeremy Clarkson would say). Some would feel my bits and manipulate them in the course of the examinations, but I did not rise to the occasion, so to speak. Nothing is quite so effective at keeping your self control as a sudden, cancerous growth down there, you see.

          Fortunately, my problem too has passed
          The Rich keep getting richer because they keep doing what it was that made them rich. Ditto the Poor.
          "Hy kan tell dey is schmot qvestions, dey is makink my head hurt."
          Hoc spatio locantur.

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          • #6
            Quoth csquared View Post
            Fortunately (or was it unfortunately)... She wasn't that attractive. And even if she had been, with all the Beta blockers, Calcium blockers & blood thinners I was on, nothing was going to happen.*



            *Since been remedied.
            I'm afraid part of me did wonder whether the remedy was applied to you or the looks of the poor nurse.
            "Bring me knitting!" (The Doctor - not the one you were expecting)

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            • #7
              I've had many instances where I was inserting a Foley catheter in a male patient, and he had an erection.

              I don't give it a second glance. The patient is usually embarrassed, and the erection is a reflex, not sexual stimulation.

              I've had a lot of guys ask me if I check out the packages when I care for male patients. Usually the answer is no; these guys aren't great shakes to begin with, so the rest of them is usually pretty uninteresting. My mind simply isn't on that when I'm at work.
              They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

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              • #8
                My dad had a slight incident during his colonoscopy, where the nurse didn't move out of the way quick enough, but she wasn't phased by it. He was extremely apologetic and she laughed it off.
                Don't tempt pixies, it never ends well.

                Avatar created by the lovely Eisa.

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                • #9
                  Reminds me of a modified White Christmas moment:

                  Nurse: Um, at ease little soldier...
                  *staying fully at attention (yuk...)*
                  Nurse: I SAID AT EASE!!!!
                  *shrinks back down...*

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                  • #10
                    Never had that happen, but I did have a patient apologize for "not having much for you to work with". Had no idea what to even say to that, so I kinda just pretended I didn't hear him.

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                    • #11
                      My brother in law told me when he was getting shaved he grew. Apparently the nurse didn't like that because she bopped him hard on top of the 'head'. I always wondered what else he didn't tell me about that story, you think it would easier to shave something that was stretched out.
                      Pain and suffering are inevitable...misery is optional.

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                      • #12
                        Quoth PuckLizardRN View Post
                        Never had that happen, but I did have a patient apologize for "not having much for you to work with". Had no idea what to even say to that, so I kinda just pretended I didn't hear him.
                        Yeah, I'm not sure what I would have said to that, either.

                        Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor.

                        to
                        They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

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                        • #13
                          When Rob had his appendix explode on him when he was 15 and in HS, his mother was a nurse in the hospital he was admitted to. She dealt with his catheter on more than one occasion.
                          EVE Online: 99% of the time you sit around waiting for something to happen, but that 1% of action is what hooks people like crack, you don't get interviewed by the BBC for a WoW raid.

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                          • #14
                            Being catheterised (?) as a female is not the world's most fun event. Especially when one's urethra is apparently difficult to find! Both the doctor and the nurse had multiple attempts. (ow)
                            Seshat's self-help guide:
                            1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
                            2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
                            3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
                            4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

                            "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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                            • #15
                              Quoth Seshat View Post
                              Being catheterised (?) as a female is not the world's most fun event. Especially when one's urethra is apparently difficult to find! Both the doctor and the nurse had multiple attempts. (ow)
                              Amen to that. When I was 29, I had a precancerous growth in my uterus. It caused me to hemorrhage; I almost bled to death. When I finally showed up to the ER, my heart was beating 120 times a minute, and my blood pressure was 90/60. I was in acute shock.

                              They had to put a foley in me to do the pelvic ultrasound, so they can distinguish the bladder from the uterus.

                              It took four people to hold me down to do it.
                              They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

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