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Most of this started all coming down a few weeks ago just after Mother's Day. On Mother's Day itself, a sweet friend of mine announced she was having a baby. That was a Sunday, of course. By Wendesday, the baby was lost to a miscarriage. Watching their grief has just been heartbreaking.
The next day, I learned that a friend of mine's little sister had died. She was an adult now, but I knew her when she was a little girl. It's surreal to know that she's gone now. My poor friend has enough stress in his life and a pregnant wife on top of it all and is now dealing with this blow at the same time.
The next day, my husband was nearly hit by a truck on his bike. Thankfully, he got out with only a few scrapes. The thing is, after being run off the road myself on my bicycle, I'm terrified to ride it. Absolute panic inducing fear. It scares me when he goes out to ride, but I don't want to make him feel like I expect him not to because of my fears. They're mine, not his after all. When he came home dirty and scraped up telling about the idiot who blew through the stop sign, it was like all of my worst fears of him riding came so close to reality. He's pretty unphazed, but I'm a mess.
My timeframe gets a little shaky on things, but somewhere in there, my grandfather was rushed to the hospital. He's better now, but they never figured out what happened. A brain seizure or a mild stroke are on the short list of possibilities. I'm pretty furious that they didn't figure it out considering it took several days to get him an MRI.
My grandmother had to have foot surgery. A bone was trying to protrude out of the side of her foot so they had to break it and reset it. She's ok. Nothing life threatening, but she's going totally stir crazy. She's the person who does everything for everybody and never sits still. It's driving her nuts.
My bouts of crazy depression are better than they were, but not gone. I had a really bad episode a little over a week ago where I got it in my head that I'm fat - well, I'm used to my own self doubt. I got it in my head that my husband thought I was fat. He doesn't. He loves that I'm not thin and have curves to me. BUT I got it in my head he does. I freaked out. I didn't want him to look at me. I was totally ashamed of my body and angry at him. This happened one evening. Then I refused to eat until he finally talked me into eating something the following evening. With hypoglycemia, that long without food is bad news. Looking back, I'm going "Who WAS that???" I don't starve myself. I start thinking I'm overweight and I go walking and re-evaluating portion sizes. I sure as HELL don't do that to myself for anybody. It's really freaky to look back and not even recognize the person who did these things.
My mom was in a car accident exactly a week ago. The person who rear-ended her didn't even slow down before plowing into her back bumper. She was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. She's in a neck brace with a very painful neck sprain and back spasms.
After a loooong time on the market with no luck, my mom's house finally sold. That's a huge relief, but um, she just had an accident. She's in a neck brace. She has to move out in 3 weeks. I'm nowhere near her and not able to help. Thankfully, my brother is there and her brother is there. She also has a large contingent of friends ready to help her including one that just announced she was showing up to pack the day after the house sold. It sounds like things are covered. I'm just stressing about it.
Minutes apart from learning my mom's house sold on Saturday, I learned that my friends' 16 month old baby died. The baby was fighting for his life all Friday night and through Saturday morning. By early Saturday afternoon, he was gone. You can pray and pray for a miracle, but in the end the doctors couldn't save him. This is particularly hitting me hard right now, a large part of that being it's the most recent loss. These sweet friends had already been through a miscarriage and one stillborn child. This is their third one to lose, but this time after getting to be with him for more than a year. It's not fucking fair. None of this stuff is fair. This just seems so especially wrong. She's also expecting another baby in a few weeks. In her shoes, I'd be scared out of my mind.
Work has been particularly stressful lately. I don't want to get into all of the details, but it's been just been absolutely maddening.
Finally today, we learned that there is a chance our landlord might be selling the condo we're renting. We've moved every damn year and we're finally in a place we absolutely love. I don't want to move again. I'm upset and angry that there's even a chance. The landlord hasn't made his decision yet, but in the end we have to respect that it's his property. Before anyone goes there, no, buying it from him isn't an option for us.
So yeah, this is how the Cookie crumbles...
The next day, I learned that a friend of mine's little sister had died. She was an adult now, but I knew her when she was a little girl. It's surreal to know that she's gone now. My poor friend has enough stress in his life and a pregnant wife on top of it all and is now dealing with this blow at the same time.
The next day, my husband was nearly hit by a truck on his bike. Thankfully, he got out with only a few scrapes. The thing is, after being run off the road myself on my bicycle, I'm terrified to ride it. Absolute panic inducing fear. It scares me when he goes out to ride, but I don't want to make him feel like I expect him not to because of my fears. They're mine, not his after all. When he came home dirty and scraped up telling about the idiot who blew through the stop sign, it was like all of my worst fears of him riding came so close to reality. He's pretty unphazed, but I'm a mess.
My timeframe gets a little shaky on things, but somewhere in there, my grandfather was rushed to the hospital. He's better now, but they never figured out what happened. A brain seizure or a mild stroke are on the short list of possibilities. I'm pretty furious that they didn't figure it out considering it took several days to get him an MRI.
My grandmother had to have foot surgery. A bone was trying to protrude out of the side of her foot so they had to break it and reset it. She's ok. Nothing life threatening, but she's going totally stir crazy. She's the person who does everything for everybody and never sits still. It's driving her nuts.
My bouts of crazy depression are better than they were, but not gone. I had a really bad episode a little over a week ago where I got it in my head that I'm fat - well, I'm used to my own self doubt. I got it in my head that my husband thought I was fat. He doesn't. He loves that I'm not thin and have curves to me. BUT I got it in my head he does. I freaked out. I didn't want him to look at me. I was totally ashamed of my body and angry at him. This happened one evening. Then I refused to eat until he finally talked me into eating something the following evening. With hypoglycemia, that long without food is bad news. Looking back, I'm going "Who WAS that???" I don't starve myself. I start thinking I'm overweight and I go walking and re-evaluating portion sizes. I sure as HELL don't do that to myself for anybody. It's really freaky to look back and not even recognize the person who did these things.
My mom was in a car accident exactly a week ago. The person who rear-ended her didn't even slow down before plowing into her back bumper. She was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. She's in a neck brace with a very painful neck sprain and back spasms.
After a loooong time on the market with no luck, my mom's house finally sold. That's a huge relief, but um, she just had an accident. She's in a neck brace. She has to move out in 3 weeks. I'm nowhere near her and not able to help. Thankfully, my brother is there and her brother is there. She also has a large contingent of friends ready to help her including one that just announced she was showing up to pack the day after the house sold. It sounds like things are covered. I'm just stressing about it.
Minutes apart from learning my mom's house sold on Saturday, I learned that my friends' 16 month old baby died. The baby was fighting for his life all Friday night and through Saturday morning. By early Saturday afternoon, he was gone. You can pray and pray for a miracle, but in the end the doctors couldn't save him. This is particularly hitting me hard right now, a large part of that being it's the most recent loss. These sweet friends had already been through a miscarriage and one stillborn child. This is their third one to lose, but this time after getting to be with him for more than a year. It's not fucking fair. None of this stuff is fair. This just seems so especially wrong. She's also expecting another baby in a few weeks. In her shoes, I'd be scared out of my mind.
Work has been particularly stressful lately. I don't want to get into all of the details, but it's been just been absolutely maddening.
Finally today, we learned that there is a chance our landlord might be selling the condo we're renting. We've moved every damn year and we're finally in a place we absolutely love. I don't want to move again. I'm upset and angry that there's even a chance. The landlord hasn't made his decision yet, but in the end we have to respect that it's his property. Before anyone goes there, no, buying it from him isn't an option for us.
So yeah, this is how the Cookie crumbles...
Also lots and lots of prayers and good thoughts going your way.
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