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  • #16
    Seconded on Spoon Theory. When I first saw that, I was like, "This explains so damn much!"

    Alternatively, if you're a D&D player, substitute "spell slots" for spoons. Allows for variable-sized 'spoons,' while still assuming you have a hard limit on how many you can use every day (e.g. a minor, simple, routine task might use a teaspoon or level 1 spell slot, while something major and mentally taxing might use a soup ladle or a level 5 spell slot)
    "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
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    "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
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    • #17
      Thanks all! Like I said, sticking to routine is not really an issue, he's actually pretty adaptable. I am actually the person in the family who gets upset when my plans have to change. His teacher tells me he is engaging with other kids more, which is great. Today he went up and initiated s conversation with my stepdad, which is unusual. I asked again of he would be interested in martial arts, and he is expressing interest now, so hopefully we can get him into that and he'll enjoy it. Meltdowns aren't really an issue either as a lot of his frustration seems to be internalized. He can express frustration but takes it out on himself (why can't I do this, etc).

      Counselor is working now on getting him to recognize his feelings in the moment, and connect things that have happened before with his he felt about them (by journaling). We're just encouraging, praising, and asking him to explain how he feels. He's intelligent, articulate and unusually self-aware, which helps.

      After his counselor is pleased with his progress on these issues, I plan to ask her how we help him with his time management...it shouldn't take anyone 30 minutes to floss and brush their teeth!
      https://www.facebook.com/authorpatriciacorrell/

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      • #18
        Yup, all of that sounds good. Re: brushing/flossing, there might be some procrastination in there just because it is a sensory hit even if it's not "painful"..

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        • #19
          Good point! I never thought of that. I'll bring it up her. He refused to wear jeans because he hates the way they feel, so msaybe that's it.
          https://www.facebook.com/authorpatriciacorrell/

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          • #20
            Quoth AnaKhouri View Post
            Good point! I never thought of that. I'll bring it up her. He refused to wear jeans because he hates the way they feel, so msaybe that's it.
            I bet it is. I have sensory issues with clothes, and actually hate jeans for the same reason. I also can't stand anything really tight, and tend to favor elastic waisted soft cloth type pants, or shorts for the most part since I literally get too hot and sweaty at the drop of a hat. Same with shoes....I generally prefer to have no shoes on but at work I have very comfortable shoes, that is essential. I don't wear makeup for the same reason, it feels awful.

            As for the spoons theory, yes I deal with that every day and often don't have the spoons to deal with things. Other days are better but I can generally manage one major thing a day, on work days work is it.

            I will try to look into the local counseling possibilities, but that will take spoons that I just don't have at the moment!
            https://www.youtube.com/user/HedgeTV
            Great YouTube channel check it out!

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            • #21
              I wear sweatpants daily for the same reason. Denim feels like fire on my flesh, and cotton sheets? Forget it.
              Customers should always be served . . . to the nearest great white.

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              • #22
                Quoth AnaKhouri View Post
                I would like advice from anyone who is high-functioning on the autism spectrum, or who has a family member or friend who is.
                Two best pieces of advice I can give you:

                1. If you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person.
                2. Read "The Complete Guide To Asperger's Syndrome" by Tony Attwood.

                Other than that, maybe make what I call "focus cards". Small cards (smaller than a business card) that have images and one or two words on them that you can use to help redirect (or whatever).

                Also, watch the movie "Inside Out". If you've already watched it, do so again. We had some pretty good results with our son after we watched it.
                Skilled programmers aren't cheap. Cheap programmers aren't skilled.

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                • #23
                  One more thing -- keep an eye on his reading material. Being able to parse and understand adult language is one thing, but doing so for adult emotional situations is... not in a young Aspie's wheelhouse.

                  In particular, there's certain books which qualify as "id fiction", which can seriously screw up a young spectrumite.
                  The science fiction versions include anything Gor, plus titles like "Time Slaves". Then you get stuff by Delaney and Butler that may not be id fiction as such, but they're certainly dealing with relationships well beyond the normal adult level, let alone a kid's... and a spectrumite likely won't be able to filter out the fantastic concepts or libertine propaganda from the rest of the story.. Alas, much of Heinlein's adult work also qualifies there (his juvies are fine).

                  There's also distaff books that can be trouble -- aside from bodice-rippers and the like, watch out for books like Fear of Flying.... Not good for early exposure.

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                  • #24
                    Gor...oh my goodness. Back in the day people used to cosplay characters from those books! They're awful though.

                    He can read adult level material but I keep track of what he's reading and right now on his own he chooses middle grade stuff. He still likes to be read to so things that might be challenging we read together (like right now we're reading His Dark Materials and we read Hitchhiker's Guide together...I might have skipped the line where they mention a famous triple-breasted whore, that's just an ugly word he doesn't need to know now).
                    Last edited by AnaKhouri; 12-26-2019, 09:20 PM.
                    https://www.facebook.com/authorpatriciacorrell/

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                    • #25
                      Diane Duane has a wonderful series called the Young Wizards, The first one id "So You Want To Be A Wizard"
                      My son thinks I'm Lucifer Morningstar. I'm not sure he's wrong.

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                      • #26
                        We have my husband's old copy of the first one, bit I don't think Son has read it yet.
                        https://www.facebook.com/authorpatriciacorrell/

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                        • #27
                          Terry Pratchett's Tiffany Aching books are quite good, if you're looking; it has some interesting things to say about growing up, and peer pressure, and adults trying to make you into something you're not, and working out who you are and who you want to be. Plus, the Wee Free Men will probably amuse him!
                          "It is traditional when asking for help or advice to listen to the answers you receive" - RealUnimportant

                          Rev that Engine Louder, I Can't Hear How Small Your Dick Is - Jay 2K Winger

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                          • #28
                            Seconding both Tiffany Aching (for that matter, almost anything by Pratchett) and Young Wizards!

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                            • #29
                              Be aware that I Shall Wear Midnight has Tiffany dealing with a father that had just beaten his daughter so badly that she miscarried. Daughter and boyfriend were both 13.

                              Tiffany is trying to get him sober enough to realise what he had done and leave before the entire town came to seek small town justice aka string him up. (chapter 2)

                              In chapter 4, the father tries to kill himself but Tiffany manages to cut him down.

                              There is a scattering of talk about the daughter recovering from the abuse and there is some talk with the mother/wife lightly touching domestic abuse (hitting, slapping).

                              As much as I love the Tiffany books, I've had a few parents being blindsided with this one. Tiffany is 15 at this point and the situations she is dealing with are a lot more mature than the first books.
                              A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read. - Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

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                              • #30
                                That is an excellent point. I haven't read the Tiffany books in a few years (hard-backs + dodgy wrists + the beginnings of arthritis in my hands = saving up to buy them on Kindle) so I had forgotten that story-line.
                                "It is traditional when asking for help or advice to listen to the answers you receive" - RealUnimportant

                                Rev that Engine Louder, I Can't Hear How Small Your Dick Is - Jay 2K Winger

                                The Darwin Awards The best site to visit to restore your faith in instant karma.

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