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  • Open My Dna

    I had posted this on a tech support comedy site but It also fits here:

    Before I get into the story let me describe my job. I work in my school’s main computer lab, my job is to walk around wearing a red vest and help students work the computers as well as stock printers and refill staplers. My boss is a good guy, it works around my school schedule and it is actually rare to run into a rude person. However rare is not never, otherwise why would I be posting here? Now I only actually work 4 hours a week 2 Thursday and 2 Monday. I don’t mind helping people when they ask nicely and no one is on shift as happens a lot.

    Now that you have the background lets set the stage: Me, and my two friends (B and A) are sitting at a table in the lab (there are empty tables for laptops) and talking. Over walks this girl that B knows from class. She begins discussing an assignment with B which included her playfully slapping B a couple times. She turns to me and the following conversation takes place.

    Girl (never actually did learn her name): Do you still work here?
    Me (Most wonderful person in the room): yes but I’m not on shift right now (currently 9:30 I work 1-3).
    Girl: Do you know how to use photoshop?
    Me: yeah, what do you want to do?
    Girl: *incoherent babble about a title page and how another person has a title page without actually describing what she wants*
    Me:*asking questions trying to understand*
    (it is rapidly becoming clear she wants either an hour long tutorial which I don’t have time to give or me to do the assignment for her to her specifications which is not going to happen.)
    Me (hearing her mention printing on a larger page size): for the paper size all you have to do is make sure the printer is selected and then choose the paper size.
    B: yeah it’s not that hard to do.
    Girl: but I don’t know how to use photoshop can you show me?

    Girl: Let me do something on your laptop. (note: not a question, I guess she didn’t want cooties from Syzyx’s mac)
    Me (experiencing whiplash from the topic change): what?
    Girl: Let me do something on your laptop.
    Me: what do you want to do on my laptop?
    Girl: I just need to check something.
    Me: what do you want to check?
    Girl: I just need to check something.
    Lather, rinse, repeat four times.
    Me: what do you want to do on my laptop?
    Girl: I need to open my dna. (yes she said that, word for word)
    Me: WHAT????

    A: *trying not to laugh has actually pulled his touque down over his face*
    At this point she has come around the table and is standing next to where I am sitting. I forget the exact words but I basically find out she wants to open a word document on her thumb drive and went back and forth from wanting to check it and wanting to work on it.
    Me: why can’t you just use the school computers.
    Girl: they’re too slow. (they really are)
    Me: so you just want to correct a spelling mistake in the assignment?
    Girl: yeah.
    Me: *reaches for the thumb drive to put in my computer just so I can get rid of her*
    Girl: *yanks it out of my hand*
    Me: *puts thumbdrive in my computer*
    (basically she just wanted to check that she had saved her document correctly and didn’t make any changes and wanted to show her very poorly edited picture of Wayne Gretsky’s head on a cartoon pig, it only took about thirty seconds why she couldn’t just tell me I’ll never know)
    Girl’s friends show up and they go another room to work on the photoshop thing (there are small meeting rooms off of the computer lab that do have one computer in them each).

    Five minutes later she stands in the doorway of the room facing me with an expectant look on her face. (I had previously commented that she could use paint, word or even powerpoint instead.)
    Me: *explains again politely that she can use another program*
    Girl: * keeps looking at me*
    Me: you can ask steve *points to the guy who just came on shift* for help if you need it.
    Girl: No.
    Me: Fine $20/hr minimum of 2 hours (note I have class in an hour)
    Girl: I don’t want to have sex with you (yes she said that)
    Me: press F1.
    B: yeah that will actually open the help and you can search for what you need.
    Girl: *keeps looking at me*
    Me: *finally tired of this crap* No. *goes back to what I was doing*
    Girls: *sighs and storms off and doesn’t ask steve at all* (lucky steve)
    Me to B and A: What the F*** was that?
    B and A: general shrugging notions.

    Later on I found out that she came back and complained about me to B.

    Later on while I was working I walk by her as she is using one of the school computers.
    Girl to friend: I don’t want to ask him for help he was rude to me earlier.
    Me: you mean after you demanded to use my laptop, and then tried to get me to do your homework for you, no you were the one being rude.
    Girl: *denies and keeps complaining*
    Me: if you have a specific question about a program I will help you but I will not do your homework for you. *walks away*
    From now on when I’m sitting in the computer lab I have a sign that says: due to recent events my tech support is no longer free unless I’m on shift, exceptions at my discretion.

    I have no problem helping people like this other girl today who asked me how to print on both sides, quick and easy done in thirty seconds and she asked nicely and clearly but what the hell was with this girl?

  • #2
    Hugs!!!

    Been there, done that. Student tech support. Ah, the glory days.

    "Yes I do work here. No I'm not working right now. I have my own assignments to work on. Sod off and leave me alone!"

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    • #3
      Oh, Icelator, I did that exact job in the student labs during my collage years, and I know exactly where you're coming from. Ever have ban someone from the labs for printing porn on the greenbar printer? Swear-to-God, I was involved in banning the guy. ASCII art porn. Try explaining that one on your college record, dillweed.

      I also got the broken cupholder question and the girl who thought she had broken the computer because she had told it to boot to DOS. Fun times.
      The Rich keep getting richer because they keep doing what it was that made them rich. Ditto the Poor.
      "Hy kan tell dey is schmot qvestions, dey is makink my head hurt."
      Hoc spatio locantur.

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      • #4
        For the most part everyone I dealt with was great, it's usually very simple stuff for printing or formatting a document, I'm done there now as next semester I won't have time for the job.

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        • #5
          I was a college lab assistant in the really old days before the internet (we used stone tablets ). The biggest problem I had was that we were there to help the students with their assignments and stuff, not to "manage" the lab. In particular, when it was busy, we were not responsible for keeping a list of people waiting for computers, or kick people off when their time was up, etc.

          The students themselves were supposed to sign in when they got there, and watch for when computers became free and go ahead in if they were next on the list, etc. But of course the students couldn't handle all this responsibility.

          So when I was on duty, I usually gave in and handled the list, calling people's names when they got to the top when a computer became free, etc.

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          • #6
            Quoth Icelator View Post
            For the most part everyone I dealt with was great [...]
            I know, but you really remember the shmucks.

            I got to deal with the rise of email. Imagine helping users who barely know how to use a computer check their email on the early version of elm (unix-based email client).
            <shudder>

            EDIT: Oh, and having to kick people off MUDs so that people with actual work to do could use a computer. We actually installed mirrors around the lab so we could keep tabs on people using the computers for non-lab-approved things.
            Last edited by Geek King; 12-16-2008, 02:01 PM.
            The Rich keep getting richer because they keep doing what it was that made them rich. Ditto the Poor.
            "Hy kan tell dey is schmot qvestions, dey is makink my head hurt."
            Hoc spatio locantur.

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            • #7
              actually games are allowed as long as noone needs the computer for work, there are a lot of computers so I only had to kick one person off.

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              • #8
                Well, I can't open your DNA, but I could unzip your genes...


                I'll see myself out...
                "I'll probably come round and steal the food out of your fridge later too, then run a key down the side of your car as I walk away from your house, which I've idly set ablaze" - Mil Millington

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                • #9
                  Quoth Geek King View Post
                  Ever have ban someone from the labs for printing porn on the greenbar printer? Swear-to-God, I was involved in banning the guy. ASCII art porn.
                  Oy. My bannings weren't quite that interesting; mainly WoW and dicking around in areas of the network where students shouldn't be. Luckily the really important stuff was passworded; one idjit actually asked me if I knew the password for the Physics department admin folder (that isn't even supposed to be visible to students, I'm sure IT would be very interested in knowing how you managed to see it).

                  The only computer in my college lab that could get a DOS prompt (read: wasn't locked down tighter than the Pentagon's network) was the machine that I and the other workstudies sat at. You don't want to know how many bribes I got "let me use your computer! The other ones won't let me [fitb]!" (mostly to do with gaming or downloading something dodgy).

                  I was allowed to install OpenOffice, so at times took pity on students whose final papers were done in a different program or for whatever reason Word on the student machines refused to acknowledge.
                  Last edited by Dreamstalker; 12-17-2008, 04:49 PM.
                  "I am quite confident that I do exist."
                  "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

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                  • #10
                    Wow, I probably would have told that bitch where she could put her flash drive. And it's a dark, dark place.
                    Ridiculous 2009 Predictions: Evil Queen will beat Martha Stewart to death with a muffin pan. All hail Evil Queen! (Some things don't need elaboration.....) -- Jester

                    Ridiculous 2010 Predictions: Evil Queen, after escaping prison for last years prediction, goes out and waffle irons Rachel Ray to death. -- SG15Z

                    Ridiculous 2011 Prediction: Evil Queen will beat Gordon Ramsay over the head with a cast-iron skillet. -- FireHeart

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                    • #11
                      I should have told her off but didn't because I was sort of in deer in headlights mode trying to figure out what the hell was going on and I couldn't believe how stupid she was being , I mean seriously you ask to use MY computer and won't answer what for? And I've never really met you before, not going to happen. I wish I had told her no after the third nonanswer.

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                      • #12
                        Quoth Icelator View Post
                        I should have told her off but didn't because I was sort of in deer in headlights mode trying to figure out what the hell was going on and I couldn't believe how stupid she was being , I mean seriously you ask to use MY computer and won't answer what for? And I've never really met you before, not going to happen. I wish I had told her no after the third nonanswer.
                        When I was in college, no one, I mean NO ONE used my computer but me...EVER. I would use my computer to do things for other people but I never let another soul touch my keyboard or mouse.
                        "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

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                        • #13
                          Quoth MannersMakethMan View Post
                          Well, I can't open your DNA, but I could unzip your genes...


                          I'll see myself out...
                          You made me laugh out loud at work...

                          That would be dangerous if my boss were near!
                          "Kamala the Ugandan Giant" 1950-2020 • "Bullet" Bob Armstrong 1939-2020 • "Road Warrior Animal" 1960-2020 • "Zeus" Tiny Lister Jr. 1958-2020 • "Hacksaw" Butch Reed 1954-2021 • "New Jack" Jerome Young 1963-2021 • "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff 1949-2021 • "Beautiful" Bobby Eaton 1958-2021 • Daffney 1975-2021

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