So, I Quit Drinking

[Dilorenzo]

I'm not what you'd call the "typical" alcoholic. That doesn't mean I'm not one, just not what you'd think of as one.

I don't sneak drinks. I don't hide them. I don't drink during the week, except maybe when I go out for a meal and the meal calls for a beer, and then it's just the one. After all, I have to drive home from the restaurant, and I don't drink and drive. I don't need to "hide" being drunk, and I've never even attempted to be functional while drinking. When I drink, I drink on one night a week, Fridays, and, though I seriously make up for not drinking the rest of the week that, I always made sure that I had no other plans, besides going home and talking to a friend late into the night.

And all of that above is nothing but excuses.

A few months ago, I started drinking a little heavier on Fridays than I had been. Was a little worse for wear at the end of the night. So I decided that I should cut down. One six pack, I said, and I stuck to it for a while. If I had a glass of something harder, it would be five from the six pack, and the one glass.

Then things started to go south at work. Suddently it wasn't a six pack anymore, it was a six pack and a glass of whiskey, then maybe a shot later on. Then I'd start getting a second six pack - of pint cans, mind you - and keeping one at home to drink when I got there. Then there was maybe 3 or 4 shots thrown into the mix, a couple of glasses of whiskey, the six pack at the friends, the six pack when I got home.

And so on.

Last Friday I blacked out. I remember the start of the night, and I remember the end of the night. I do not remember more than fragments from the middle portion. Just flickers. I guess we watched Adventure Time and Key & Peele, but I don't really recall what happened in the episodes. I guess I watched Birdemic with my friend when I got home, because it sounded just stupid enough, but I don't remember a whole lot of that either.

Spent until Tuesday convincing myself that it was just forgetfullness. And that the stomach pain I was currently suffering from - and had been suffering from since waking up on Saturday morning - had nothing to do with the amount, or alcohol content, of what I'd drank.

Then I woke my wife up and told her I was going to stop drinking, and told her why. She asked if there was any way that I could go back to just doing the six pack - bless her, she knows how much I love drinking, for more than just getting wasted - and I said no.

I can't trust myself anymore around alcohol. Once I start, even if it is the one that I have at dinner, I don't want to stop. I want a drink starting saturday morning when I wake up until Friday evening when I finally do drink.

It's not the most pleasant of realizations to have as you're trying to get to sleep at night, that you're an alcoholic. I can't imagine it's a pleasant relization at any time, in fact.

I didn't hit bottom, as countless others do, but I've been there before and know what it looks like. Didn't want to see it again, and I'm just glad that I got to figure it out now.

Of course, as I type this, I'm trying to think up a justification for a last hurrah, one last night of drinking. Guess I'm just going to have to deal with that.

[Mishi]

Congrats on making a really hard decision, and realising that you have a problem before you hit bottom. Finding your local AA meeting might help with your sobriety, even if you just go for the support and think about the steps later. Good luck, it's hard but it is worth it.

[Crossbow]

You've got a ton of respect from me, Dilorenzo. Just being able to realize that you have an issue with it is a big step in the right direction. It's not going to be easy, but I think you're going to be fine.

[PhiSigGirl1988]

Oh, Birdemic. If you ever get a chance, watch it again. It's terrible, but it's hilarious in its terribleness.

Congrats on realizing that you had a problem and having the courage to admit and change it. As Crossbow said, it's not going to be easy. However, you have support here and I'm sure you have support wherever you are with your friends and family.

[ArcticChicken]

My cousin was going to four or five meetings a week in the first few months. She said it really kept her accountable.

[Akasa]

You get mad props for admitting there is something wrong and taking steps to change.

[BlaqueKatt]

I'd like to introduce you to my close friend coffee, he will help you through this, as will sugar(alcohol has a very high sugar content, your body will tell you it wants the alcohol, but the sugar will quell the cravings), not artificial sweeteners, stuff with actual sugar(doughnuts, muffins, cake, kids breakfast cereal, granola bars, just be sure to up your activity level(or cut down on other foods) a bit to burn it off. I found the smaller cans/bottles of soda to be helpful.

[MoonCat]

You have my most sincere good wishes. You're doing the right thing, the smart thing, the strong thing. One day at a time, ok? Check out AA, but if it's not for you, we're always here.

[Kara]

I've been worrying, but you know I don't try to interfere with your drinking. Plus I'm not much of a drinker, so I don't really know how much is too much for some people. You seem like a "professional," you know what you're doing and I'm a lightweight who falls out of her chair laughing her ass off when you send her something funny/stupid on youtube after ONE glass. And, like your wife, I know how much it means to you.

I also know that you are a lot like me, and when you have a problem, you won't listen to people when they point that out to you. You have to figure it out the hard way, you have to come to that realization on your own.

I know this was hard for you, but I'm proud of you for making this decision. You know I'll give you my support. I was worrying about this a little more after last weekend, not because you blacked out (which I didn't know about), but because my dear friend's wife was an alcoholic who drank some hard shit excessively, which most likely contributed to the clot she didn't know she had in her leg (among other habits like abusing ephedrine and caffeine pills to go to work hungover). The one that dislodged and hit her brain, causing her seizures 10 minutes before it hit her heart and killed her.

And if you want, we can watch Birdemic again tomorrow night while we skype. I can even make the same jokes and you'll still laugh because you don't remember hearing them the first time

Seriously, I know this won't be easy but you know how to get in contact with me and that I always answer my phone or a skype call regardless of what time it is for my friends and loved ones.

[Food Lady]

It's very brave of you to be open with us. That takes strength and humility.

[Dilorenzo]

Today's going to be tough. I'm still going over to my friends place this evening, and they will be drinking. I will not be. Desperately want to, though.

Honestly, while I was drinking, the thought of starting doing stand-up (something I've been working on) had me anxious. About getting up in front of a crowd, of forgetting bits, of not being funny. Now I'm more anxious about not drinking.

Also, it's going to be really wierd that I'm going to be able to actually do stuff on Saturday. And probably sleep a full eight hours.

Maybe I'll take up a hobby.

I'm also terrified about having to face a lot of my past (such as the stuff I wrote in the blog with Kara) sober. It was a hell of a lot easier to allow myself to get emotional enough to deal with it drinking. That was kinda part of the problem. Eventually, I'm going to have to turn around and start dealing with that sober.

A lot of things were easier while drinking. Easier to be friendly, outgoing, easier to just be, even if it was only one night a week. Now I just have to work on being all that as just me.

That fucking terrifies me.

Finding your local AA meeting might help with your sobriety

First thing I'm going to do is see how this weekend goes. Then I likely will find some sort of group - just not AA. Unfortunately, I already know that's not going to work for me. I'm not getting into it or inviting conversation on that particular topic - too easy to head to fratching territory.

Oh, Birdemic. If you ever get a chance, watch it again

I have willingly watched that movie sober once already. Which is why I'm kind of surprised I was willing to watch it again with Kara. Perhaps I just like to share pain?

Seriously, people claim Ed Wood was a terrible filmmaker, but from what I understand he still had a kind of passion that shines through. I've yet to watch any of his, but I will when I can find them. Birdemic was just terrible in every single way.

Also, "My hybrid Mustand is all the car I need!" Guuuuh.

I'd like to introduce you to my close friend coffee

Black coffee, brown sugar, thermos full, in my bag beside my desk as I type this. I drink a lot of coffee already. I'm probably going to start drinking more. And maybe smoking more for a while.

I have been getting into Tea a bit though, so I might turn my obsession lights onto that to help.

Yes, yes, I know. Smoking bad. Let me kick one thing that could have killed me at a time.

And to the rest of you (especially Kara, mostly cause I know she's going to have to deal first hand with when I get really cranky about this), thank you for the kind words and support. It's one of the reasons I really love this place.

[csquared]

Good luck!

We'll be looking for your follow up post bright and early tomorrow morning.

[taurinejunkie]

Best of luck from a now 6-month-sober ex-stoner. You can do it!

[Der Cute]

I like that you're being upfront and sharing your habits, and that you realize something isn't right and you are making a commitment to change it.
The big underlying issue is Why are you drinking. Only you can figure that one out, with counseling I hope.

No matter what - manning up has my respect, and I send my care to you.

[Jester]

While I don' think you are technically an alcoholic right now, it seems you recognized that you were going down that slope, and that if you continued, you would in fact be a full-fledged alcoholic.

Not that semantic differences really matter in your case. They don't. If you think you have a problem, you do. And as we have all heard, the first step in dealing with a problem is admitting you have one. Well, you've reached step one. And, if you can stick to your plan, you will be well on your way to dealing with the larger problem itself. I wish you the best.

And, while I am hardly the person most people would think of to give advice on NOT drinking, I do have one idea that I think might help you.

Today's going to be tough. I'm still going over to my friends place this evening, and they will be drinking. I will not be. Desperately want to, though.

In situations like this, the best thing you can do is to always have a drink in your hand.

Be it soda, gatorade, juice, water, whatever. If you do want to obvious to everyone or have anyone giving you grief/unsolicited advice/pity/unwanted attention, you might want to stick to juice or soda in a "drink" glass, so those who don't know you're not drinking alcohol still won't know you're not drinking alcohol.

Also, this gives you an emotional crutch to lean on. You still have a tasty beverage in your hand, one you can have plenty of. And if anyone does give you grief or question you, you can fall back on the excuse that you just don't feel like drinking that night. Which is true.

Also, always having a drink in your hand should prevent most people from trying to hand you a drink they've made for you/purchased from the bar for you. "No, I'm fine, I still have this." Clearly you are going to have to flat out turn down any proffered shots, but the drink-in-hand should deflect most of the problems you might experience in such a situation.

Hope it helps.

By the way, while I am not a fan, you might want to try non-alcoholic beer. Gives you the taste of beer, but the alcohol percentage is so low (0.5% ABV, typically), it is virtually impossible to get fucked up on the stuff.