Wherein I pull the red pen (long, bad language and self sighting)

[shankyknitter]

So I'm a member of an uh..alternative...dating site. On this site I have very Very specific rules a message must follow in order to have a shot in hell of getting a reply. Really silly things like has to use the word 'blue' in the first line, has to follow the basic rules of English grammar, no netspeak ect... Things that let me know the person actually read my profile and isn't a drooling moron. Now because it's important to the story (but slightly TMI) I'm including the type of dating site and what role I have and what role this guy is trying to fill. Highlight for more information if you want it:

Its a BDSM website, I'm a Domme. This guy is trying to impress me enough to be my submissive. Remember, they're the submissive one.

Right so I get this message:

StupidRomeo(SR): hey babe

I ignore it. Notice how it doesn't it any of my requirements. But SR is persistent! (If he wasn't would this be up here?)

SR: i no ur online y u ignorin me?

I continue to ignore the 6 OTHER messages this guy sends me. Until I finally send back a curt, no nonsense No Thank you, not interested. I figure this will be the end of it. Nope.

SR: fine your fucking hoe anyway...at least some of us arent scared to show our faces online

Oh you did not just call me a hoe you little douchecannoe! But I decide to play this sickly sweet instead of sinking to middle school insults.

Me:Some of us have jobs that would fire us if we showed our face on websites like this. Some of us also don't result to grade school insults when the person we've been chasing says they aren't interested. Remember you were the one so determined to hear from me. Not the other way around.

I know I know don't feed the trolls. But really? I couldn't help it. Then I got this back.

SR: Im glad you didnt show your face or i wouldnt have bothered

Now it has become a game to me. I write advice articles on how to meet people through alternative dating websites. How to make a good impression that sort of thing. This guy is hitting every single 'don't' rule. He's now a case study. This is where I cease to be a good person, hence the self sighting.

Me: Whatever infintile thing you need to tell yourself to sleep at night there dear. Does it make you feel important to insult someone you never met simply because they didn't want to take you as a sub? I pity whatever Domme you do end up with.

SR: i dont need this shit....your a stupid cunt

Me:And yet you keep responding to me and kept messaging me. Also I can at least spell and use basic English such as capitlization of the first word in a sentance, proper nouns and the letter 'I' when used as a pronoun. I also grasp such things like the difference between you're and your as well as punctuation such as an apostrophe when writing a contraction and an peroid at the end of a sentance. Maybe if you presented yourself intelligently online instead of expecting every woman you message to fall into your (see - proper form of 'your') lap then you might have better luck. Also continuing to insult someone when they've made it clear that it doesn't bother them is like beating your head into a brick wall, the wall doesn't move and you end up with a concussion.

SR: Anything else i can do for you little miss perfect?

Me:Ah see that one was much better! I see you're improving already. Now, you can stop messaging me since by now I'm sure you realize I'm not going to give you the power of the last word. I will instead respond to each and every insult in the same manner as I have been. Better luck with the next Mistress you message, may she be more interested in putting up with your shit.

SR: welcome to the world of blocked bitch!

Me: poor baby, did I bruise your ego? I'm sobbing in pity I assure you. Also since I'm hitting block as soon as this message is sent consider this the last word.




Was I right? Probably not. Do I have a proper defense? In the immortal words of 8th graders everywhere "he started it!" And I finished it.

[ArcticChicken]

Bwahahaha!! That was delightful.

[Eisa]

That was very delightful. He deserved it. Also, seriously, you're right...if THAT'S the kind of attitude he has when he's actually looking for a Domme, he is FUCKED if he thinks anyone will want him as a sub. Holy shit.

[Draco]

He... Doesn't grasp what subbing means, does he?

I've seen people put logs of convos like that in their posts on various sites with the title of "What Not To Do". It's always amusing.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

He called you a gardening tool? Oh snap!

OT: among the way-too-vast selection of Christmas ornaments at da swamp this year are ornaments shaped like a variety of gardening tools. Including a hoe. You could have nothing but hoes on your Christmas tree if you wanted!

[shadowpanda]

He has a lot of learning to do if he expects to get a decent Domme. Unfortunately I can imagine him ending up with a sadist with boundary issues who has no idea what to do with the status of Domme. They will kind of deserve eachother though.

Your responses were awesome, he may learn from this experience and at least you had a little fun and got rid of him in the end.

Also: douchecanoe? I'm so stealing that word! (with your permission of course)

[Indigo]

Tell me about it. I stopped going on the alt site I'm a member of because guys seem to have an issue respecting boundaries and I got sick and tired of it. I'm officially a switch so I had guys telling me how they could change that and all I needed was a "real" man to show me the true way. Of course they also ignored the first part of my profile which said I was not there for dating, but to find out about community events as I happen to be engaged.

[hatori]

he is FUCKED...

Isn't that the point?

I've had the reverse happen to me. I message a girl and get a wall of text saying for me to stfu etc. I never understood that.

[shankyknitter]

Also: douchecanoe? I'm so stealing that word! (with your permission of course)

Feel free to take it, its Shanky's Insult of the Week(tm)

[telecom_goddess]

I never knew there were so many of you involved in this lifestyle....(I'm a submissive btw) ...this is awesome. Please PM me if you would be interested in being friends on another site I'm on.

[shadowpanda]

More people are into the 'alternative' stuff, and they tend to gravitate towards eachother

I'm a big ol' sub and it's dead funny (to me) when people let things slip that give them away. Also, being part of the lifestyle, you learn to recognise certain behaviours that remind you that you aren't alone in the lifestyle

[shankyknitter]

And then some of us forget discretion entirely and well make a post like this one. Just to take the guesswork out of it for people.

[shadowpanda]

Discretion? Pah!

Though on the interwebs, it's harder to be subtle. If you met me, I doubt you would see me for what I was, unless my other half was around. Or if we bumped into each other in an S & M club

[mikoyan29]

Some people will wear a collar. Some people will wear something more low key like a necklace or choker and some people will wear nothing. People are different and anything that involves people will mean you will see differences. And then you will have the "experts" who tell everyone else they are doing it completely wrong.

[blas]

I've said it before and I'll say it again: It never amazes me how fragile some people's egos can be.

I mean, simply not being interested in a guy warrants you these awful comments about being a bitch, a stuck up slut, a cunt, a "hoe" in this case. Really? Honestly? You didn't think that 30 seconds ago.

And then when you point out just how immature or stupid that person is being to you, they resort to "Oh, your miss perfect HUH!?"