Wherein I pull the red pen (long, bad language and self sighting)

[smileyeagle1021]

I'm a big ol' sub and it's dead funny (to me) when people let things slip that give them away. Also, being part of the lifestyle, you learn to recognise certain behaviours that remind you that you aren't alone in the lifestyle

So, if telling if someone is gay is gaydar, does that mean you have... ummm... altdar
Or is it more specific like you can tell dommes (domdar) and subs (subdar)

And your reaction to finding out how many people practice "alternate" dating is about the same as mine when I found out there were indeed other gay people in Utah

[Eisa]

Yeah, now I'm curious if you can tell which I am...

smiley, that was my reaction upon discovering the same thing in Idaho.

[Indigo]

Some people will wear a collar. Some people will wear something more low key like a necklace or choker and some people will wear nothing. People are different and anything that involves people will mean you will see differences. And then you will have the "experts" who tell everyone else they are doing it completely wrong.

And of course those "experts" say that unless it is your entire life, then you're not serious enough about it.

The only "collar" I would consider wearing is my engagement/wedding rings. That shows my commitment to someone and that's all I need. Add to that I'm a lil too bratty to be a full time sub, but don't want to be a full time Domme. So I do the best of both worlds

And the only way people can tell is if they've known me awhile, see me in a shop buying naughty things, meet me at a play party, or look in my closet (which I really don't recommend - its a mess in there).

[Andara Bledin]

Add to that I'm a lil too bratty to be a full time sub...

Oh, hey, you too?

I've always loved the people who initiate contact and then when they get rebuffed, they start with the insults.

I always like to point out that if I'm so bad, then they must be really desperate if they had to resort to contacting me.

^-.-^

[shankyknitter]

I don't look like I should be a Domme either. Most people picture a tall woman in a PVC cat suit, sky high heels, leather corset, maybe enough make-up to land a plane with and an ever present whip.

They do not expect a 5 foot 3 curvy little red head with dorky glasses, blue jeans, and sneakers. No make up, and I prefer paddles to whips

Most often I get the reaction "but...but you're too innocent to be a Domme!"

[houdini]

Most often I get the reaction "but...but you're too innocent to be a Domme!"

It's the innocent ones you have to watch out for! I'm not into the lifestyle but I know a lot about it, and anyone who's brought the subject up with me (usually in a "this'll shock you!" conversation, because I'm obviously so innocent) has been absolutely when I join in quite calmly. It goes to show you can never tell...and you should never judge by appearences

Back on subject, it always puzzles me how someone like that thinks they'll ever get two words out of someone with such a crude approach - they must secretly love being shot down!

[PepperElf]

Was I right? Probably not

he contacted you and tried to treat you as if you were his personal whore
i say you were perfect.

(and technically if he was seeing you in your online role... then if anything he should ONLY be respectful and submissive. therefore you executed your role perfectly. )

[Eisa]

I don't look like I should be a Domme either. Most people picture a tall woman in a PVC cat suit, sky high heels, leather corset, maybe enough make-up to land a plane with and an ever present whip.

They do not expect a 5 foot 3 curvy little red head with dorky glasses, blue jeans, and sneakers. No make up, and I prefer paddles to whips

Most often I get the reaction "but...but you're too innocent to be a Domme!"

Oooh, I get the I'm "too innocent to swear, drink, or know anything about sex!" myself. Looks are deceiving.

[Midnight12]

the question is, WHY is he on that kind of site claiming to be a sub....yeah very wrong way to go about things to get a mistress or even considered with that piss poor attitude

if you did do wrong i don't see it based on this specific situation you used witty and intelligent insults and his brain went duuuhr and went to defense in going "oh yeah well...screw you too!" response hehe

[Andara Bledin]

Oooh, I get the I'm "too innocent to swear, drink, or know anything about sex!" myself. Looks are deceiving.

I take strongly after my maternal grandmother in the looks department, and I find that I remind myself of her more as time goes by. She looked grandmotherly and I can tell I'm going the same direction.

Can't wait to see what kind of looks I start getting when I hit 50.

^-.-^

[AdamaGeist]

I think the truth of the matter is somewhere in-between. After all, there are people who think they can force dom's into being subs, if given the opportunity. And the 'willful sub', the ones who think that they should always 'resist' the desires of their dom.

Can't stand either of those two groups personally.

[shankyknitter]

I really don't think this was the guy trying to be a 'willful sub'. I think he was offended that I didn't want him and decided to 'punish' me by insulting me until I was as hurt as he was. However can't hurt someone who doesn't care

[DeltaSierra]

That was an awesome pwning!! I used to frequent several BDSM channels on various IRC networks, and was an OP in a couple, and encountered that kind of behavior from both Dom/mes and subs regularly. It was always fun to lower the banhammer on them *grin.* The best (worst?) were the egotistical Doms who would pm you with "Kneel before me, like the slut you are" or somesuch nonsense and would get his knickers in a twist when I laughed at them and called them wannabees

[shadowpanda]

So, if telling if someone is gay is gaydar, does that mean you have... ummm... altdar
Or is it more specific like you can tell dommes (domdar) and subs (subdar)

And your reaction to finding out how many people practice "alternate" dating is about the same as mine when I found out there were indeed other gay people in Utah

I like the sound of an 'altdar' lol. I have a more effective subdar because I recognise certain behaviours of my own in other subs, that, and I only serve one Dom. It seems weird to people who know my tendencies because I'm a totally bossy person, in charge, control and take initiative in everything in life, except with him. As I don't respond well to other general authority or Dom/mes, I don't always recognise those behaviours. People must think I'm a bratty sub at times, but, like I said, I belong to one Dom and no one else

Back on topic, there is no way in Hell I would initiate contact with someone whom I wanted as a Dom/me and be a total twat to them. The only exception I can think of is if he had listed that he was a 'bratty sub in need of some training'. But it sounds like he wouldn't even know what that meant (also, that is something that is usually dicussed and not there to be assumed about someone). I still don't think this is a self sighting because you reacted perfectly for the environment you were in, and the blocked function means you don't have to deal with him again

[Dragonfly369]

i have an oppisite problem on those sites. i get male doms that dont read my profile and assume them being an ass is the way to make me swoon and when i point out that a) im taken and quite happy. b) im a leasbian so just no. and c) all im looking for is friend or people with similar intrests they get all pissy cry baby on me and call me all sorts of things.

i just block them and inform my Mistress of what went on. im collared shes a 3 in one girlfriend mistress bestfriend. its been nearly 2 years now. and i think shes the only one who cold ever make me comfortable as a sub.

back on topic. i got so annoyed with people that i made my profile on one site say i was from some remote place in japan and i still get the jack offs