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But...But...I own a business!!

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  • #1

    But...But...I own a business!!

    Good one from the call center days...

    Me: Thank you for calling Empire Wireless, this is CC how can I help you?
    SC: You can fix my internet NOW!! You people are costing me thousands of dollars!
    Note: I was not a tech support rep per se, but I could handle basic troubleshooting and minor fixes
    Me: Ok, what's the problem?
    SC: I have two wireless internet adapters that I use and right now both of them have virtually ground to a halt. I NEED these to work. I am losing money every second they don't work properly.
    Me: I see your usage here, you're using a LOT of data, that's probably what's causing the slow speed.
    SC: Of course I'm using a lot of data you idiot, I use these to run my business. I need them to get my orders promptly and keep track of my customers.
    Me: You're also getting near your monthly data cap sir. If you cross it your speed will slow further and you will be charged extra for the overage.
    SC: WHAT?!!! Oh hell no!!! The woman that sold me these told me my plan was unlimited data with NO OVERAGES. You will honor that!
    (I look in the notes and see where the rep did say the guy would get unlimited data. Unfortunately she got her plans mixed up. The unlimited data plan is a business offering that costs more per month)
    Me: Ok, I see it here. You were supposed to be on an unlimited plan.
    SC: That's what I just told you, you idiot.
    Me: I can get you on the right plan, but it is $20 more a month than what you're paying now.
    SC: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?! Oh no you will not!! The whole reason I chose THIS plan is because it was the lowest cost plan you had with unlimited data. You will honor THIS plan.
    Me: There are two different plans sir. An individual plan at $XX/month and a business plan at $YY/month. One has unlimited data, the other does not.
    SC: I don't care. Make it work.
    Me: It's not possible to--
    SC: MAKE IT WORK!!
    Me: I CAN'T. The system won't allow me to alter plans. I can't discount one nor add unlimited data to the other.
    SC: GRRRRR! That's it, I've had enough. Transfer me to cancellations. I am going to your competition, throwing these pieces of junk in the trash where they belong and suing you for every penny of the thousands in lost sales I've had because of this mess!!!
    Me: Hold one moment for transfer.
    SC: Thanks for nothing asshole.
    "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant
    Tags: None
  • #2
    I heard this one a few times at the BorgSphere Cellphone center.

    If you are making that kind of money, then clearly you can afford the better plan.

    Comment

    • #3
      Quoth barainga View Post
      I heard this one a few times at the BorgSphere Cellphone center.

      If you are making that kind of money, then clearly you can afford the better plan.
      QFT.

      If anything, he's selling on eBay or another auction site from his home computer.
      Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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      • #4
        Quoth DGoddessChardonnay View Post
        QFT.

        If anything, he's selling on eBay or another auction site from his home computer.
        and apparently downloading a ton of pr0n considering the data usage he had.
        My Writing Blog -Updated 05/06/2013
        It's so I can get ideas out of my head, I decided to put it in a blog in case people are bored or are curious as to the (many) things in progress.

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        • #5
          Quoth AmbrosiaWriter View Post
          and apparently downloading a ton of pr0n considering the data usage he had.
          So, selling pr0n on ebay.
          You've got a real problem all right, and a banjo is the only answer! - Pinkie Pie

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          • #6
            Quoth AmethystSquirrel View Post
            So, selling pr0n on ebay.
            Why would you sell it on the Internet when there's so much of it on the Internet for free?

            Seriously. Porn. It's what the Internet is for.
            PWNADE(TM) - Serve up a glass today! | PWNZER - An act of pwnage so awesome, it's like the victim got hit by a tank.

            There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because I choose to walk!

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            • #7
              " Oh, I'm so sorry sir, there definitely was a misunderstanding. I didn't realize that you were running a business from an individual account, as a gesture of good will I'll switch that over for you for just $20 more per month, and not even back-charge you for all these months of running your business on an individual account, which is of course a violation of contract".

              Madness takes it's toll....
              Please have exact change ready.

              Comment

              • #8
                Fun Fact: Most "highly important business things" are tasks that don't use a whole lot of data.

                Having said that, I fully believe in the power of people to do things the "hard way" or inefficient way and bring that number up.
                Shop Smart. Shop S-Mart!

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                • #9
                  Yep. Unless you're a visual artist or a musician, you can usually transfer most or all the key data about a particular client's activities on a given day in the same size 'data package' as a profile picture for a website.

                  A picture is worth a lot more than a thousand words.....
                  Seshat's self-help guide:
                  1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
                  2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
                  3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
                  4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

                  "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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                  • #10
                    "I'm running a business! I'm losing thousands of dollars every nanosecond this doesn't work!"

                    Oddly enough, you only seem to hear this from people on residential (Non-business) plans, and generally the cheapest ones, too.

                    Why should we CARE how much you're making or losing with this? You're not sending any of it our way. This is why we have business accounts: Clients who pay more for priority service and guaranteed uptime.

                    Try going to the post office, and sending a package by the cheapest option, they flip your shit when it doesn't get there overnight, because this package was 'A business delivery, every moment it's not there costs me thousands of dollars!'

                    See how far that gets you.
                    Check out my webcomic!

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Oh, humans.

                      Even when I was on Etsy, I never went over my data cap. What is this guy doing, loads of video chats or something? 'Cause I kept track of everything in spreadsheets and other text-based files. O_o
                      1129. I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every police box we pass.
                      -----
                      http://orchidcolors.livejournal.com (A blog about everything and nothing)

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                      • #12
                        Quoth Merriweather View Post
                        " Oh, I'm so sorry sir, there definitely was a misunderstanding. I didn't realize that you were running a business from an individual account, as a gesture of good will I'll switch that over for you for just $20 more per month, and not even back-charge you for all these months of running your business on an individual account, which is of course a violation of contract".
                        back when i worked telco for the big T (the aussies will know this one) i used to have to do this by law.

                        if you have a business account you can not have a residential service on it - this comes from the tax implications of this.

                        if i ran across a residential line being charged to a buisness account i'd have to change it to a buisness plan - you can guarantee the custtomers loved that
                        The mere fact that we have the flamethrower means that someone, somewhere once said "You know, I'd really like to set those customers over there on fire, but don't possess the means to do it"

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                        • #13
                          Not failing to see the SC's suck here - that guy was definitiely an EW to the max - but I do see a bit of suck on the coworker's side. She *did* sell him the wrong plan; in the end, the product he purchased didn't do what he'd bought it to do. And I can understand why he'd be pissed to learn that the actual service he thought he'd already signed up for would cost him an additional 20$ per month. Personally, I'd probably suspect a scam if a company gave me that kind of reply - not saying that happened here, just saying that I do believe it could.
                          You gotta polish a memory like a stone. Chip off the parts that remind you it was just a game. Work it until it's indistinguishable from any other memory.

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                          • #14
                            she probably did tell him the difference between a personal and a business account and the prices of each but he just heard unlimited and went with the cheapest price. "what? it's a personal account and not a business account? she didn't tell me that!! garblegarblegarble!!! you should train your people better!!! garblegarblegarble!!!"
                            there's some people with issues that medication, therapy or a baseball bat just can't cure

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Quoth Polenicus View Post
                              "I'm running a business! I'm losing thousands of dollars every nanosecond this doesn't work!"

                              Oddly enough, you only seem to hear this from people on residential (Non-business) plans, and generally the cheapest ones, too.

                              Why should we CARE how much you're making or losing with this? You're not sending any of it our way. This is why we have business accounts: Clients who pay more for priority service and guaranteed uptime.

                              Try going to the post office, and sending a package by the cheapest option, they flip your shit when it doesn't get there overnight, because this package was 'A business delivery, every moment it's not there costs me thousands of dollars!'

                              See how far that gets you.
                              I see that a lot on the hardware side of things.

                              If you're buying refurbished, bargain bin parts for your mission critical server because they're cheap, you're doing it wrong.

                              They're cheap for a reason.

                              If you want the royal treatment with highly reliable parts, you gotta pay more for that.

                              Your server failed at 4:59pm on a Friday? Too bad, so sad. Looks like you're going to be down until Monday. Of the week after. We can replace it in a week, just like with every other consumer level customer.

                              You want business grade support? Buy a business grade product.

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