"So you don't work here anymore, but aren't banned yet."

[ShadowTiger]

Oh my god. ... ... I don't even know where to put this.



So my friend just left the store to get a better job elsewhere. He left on very good terms, (Almost .. necessary to the store. Very necessary. I miss the hell out of him already.) We spent half an hour with a group of people wanting to say goodbye to him how he should spend his Sundays when he visits us, which he still has free.

(So, this is my friend, the ex-employee, returning to the store on his Sundays to spend his time with his old friends.)

1. Pick up the phone when it rings, and just yell "I don't work here!" into the phone and hang up.
2. Walk around giving people random directions to items the store doesn't have. "Do you have air conditioners?" "Yes ma'am. Go to aisle 86. It may look like we only have 40 aisles, but that's a trick of the light. You have to go to where Aisle 40 is and then turn around and go back to aisle 1, but make a left halfway down. When you see aisle 20, make another left and keep on going. You'll see aisle 80. Then turn around, and you'll be right in front of aisle 86. The air conditioners are on the top near the lawn ornaments and pie filling."
3. He's going to stand behind the desk he had always stood behind, but not say or do anything. He's just going to draw on the baggies we have for loose nuts and bolts and keys. People are going to ask him questions and he's going to say "I don't know" or "I don't work here." ... Or "If you can tell them to give me a job, I'll probably be able to tell you."
4. He'll pick up the phone when it rings, and try to answer a question, but then say "Oh, hold on, I'll get someone who works here."
5. He'll pick up the phone and say "Hello, McDonalds. Err, wait, no, we're a <our store>. Sorry. We have a special on hamburgers today with every order of fries." He has actually done half of that before while working there.
6. On Halloween, he's going to be one of the decorations. This has already been pre-approved by the managers. He's going as Batman. He has the costume and everything.
7. His vest is being hung from the ceiling rafters. The contents of his vest pockets have already been divvied up to the nearby staff. The paint guy (17 years old, football player.) followed him around with a bottle of lotion and a hammer, pointing the lotion at him and pounding the squirter with the hammer. You know what he looked like afterwards.
8. He's going to arrange all of the shopping carts in the middle of the parking lot in an intricate pattern. As an art major, I sincerely doubt it will be anything less than inspiringly beautiful.

Luckily, only #1 and #6 are true so far.



If you had diplomatic immunity and couldn't burn a bridge, how would you spend your post-working days in your old favorite workplace?

[LillFilly]

Hmmm...MWAHAHAHA!!!

I like the idea of being a decoration, maybe for X-mas I could hide in one of the snowmen!

I think I would go through all my reports and find the license plates of every offender I've ever had to deal with, then I would look for their cars in the lots and let the air out of their tires. It wouldn't be the property's fault and wouldn't even be vandalism; I'd only take the cap off the tube. That would be for every person who ever called me a B*tch, C*nt, Plastic Cop or told me to go to Hell after I wrote them a ticket or told them to slow down because they were too busy talking on their cell phone and almost hit a pedestrian.

It's probably wrong to be so bitter; you think I'd be used to the abuse after several years, but just because you CAN verbally abuse someone doesn't mean it's right too. I like the job, just not the customers!

[ShadowTiger]

Yeah, he was the same way, I think. (As am I.) .. (Although some of the customers are pretty darn neat, but I do have the "war against rudeness" going on. <:-| )


Would be pretty interesting to scope out some customer that gave him guff in the past, walk up to him, and go:

"Hi there, you probably don't recognize me, but I recognize you. About a month ago, you called me over to get your manager, and I asked you why. You told me that you just wanted to chew him and the store out for not having the item that you wanted. Well I remember that item and I remember you. You were two hours late: we had a full shelf of the item, and you just got there too darn late. We could have ordered more if you hadn't been a complete arsehole and decided to chew people out for what was your own mistake, ...

(Pause for intermission)
Here is a duck.

...but no, you had to be a cactus about it and took it out on the only people who could've helped you actually find the same goods in other nearby stores because you didn't seem to want to take the 15 minutes to drive to the other hardware store but chose to spend those same 15 minutes in the store that has nothing that you actually want, all to yell at some random humans you don't care about or don't really care about you after this particular episode of your life. So good for you. You have a nice day there."

[Mike Taylor]

Sadly, my favorite former job no longer has a storefront at the location where I worked.

I do visit another old job periodically as a customer and catch up on the latest gossip from the store manager.