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A canonical list of SCs

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  • #16
    Quoth Rapscallion
    The Bouncer - "I don't want this one..." *boing* "I don't want that one..." *boing* Usually seen habiting the soft fruit section.
    Yeah, but you gotta love, in this automated age, being able to go to a store like Cost Plus with hand-blown glasses and scrutinizing them all for the one with your favourite colouring (actually I started doing that because I'd bought one once somewhere with a sharp burr at the bottom on the inside).


    Not an SC, but worthy of mention: Boundlessly Grateful--As I was loading a large grocery order on the belt I instantly told a man who approached with a single item to go ahead. "Are you sure?!" (No, you're right, such courtesy is an affront to fainess. ) Repeated same experience seconds later with another fellow customer.


    Webster--You tell caller yes, we carry referee jerseys; he makes special trip and is outraged to find they don't meet his defenition--hello, this store has *soccer*--and no other sports--in its name, we don't normally hear from those who are in other sports instead and make no mention of that fact.


    Propmaster--Customers who complain they aren't equipped to dine unless the shakers are filled to the brim. Maybe if restaurants didn't have to have servers spend time on such cosmetic sidework they'd feel less put out when asked to do something that I think contributes far more to a pleasant dining experience--letting customers occasionally sit in the closed section when open tables are too hot/cold/dim/glaring/wobbly/cramped/noisy/hard.
    I second that Frederick Douglass quote--unfortunately, so do a lot of SCs.

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    • #17
      Another one...

      The Tetris Game-the customer who buys a a big-screen TV or other large piece of furniture, then drives up in a small car, or a large-enough van or SUV loaded down with kids, groceries, other purchases, or just random garbage, and expects you to move things around so you can load up their item, or tie down their trunk lid, or tie the large item to the roof.
      Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

      "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

      Comment


      • #18
        Quoth RecoveringKinkoid
        The Comparison Shopper-keeps saying things like "Well, STAPLES is cheaper."
        The company I work for calls these the Maniacal Price Shoppers. That's a term from corporate. They've even tried to give us guidelines as to how to best help these people.

        Here are mine:

        The Idiot Savant - They know nothing about the product they want until you show it to them or explain that it doesn't exist. Then they're suddenly EXPERTS on the subject and CERTAIN that what you've shown them isn't what they want, or what you said doesn't exist really does and you don't know what you're talking about.

        The Telepaths - These give you a crumb of information about what they want and expect you to figure out the rest. Example: "I want to upgrade my computer... (expectant silence for five minutes)."

        The Fashionably Late - On a good day, these show up about five minutes before closing and expect full service. Usually, however, they show up five minutes AFTER closing at the earliest and still expect full service.

        The Desperately Early - They show up half an hour before the store opens and do one of two things. One: they demand you open early and sell them what they want; or, Two: they demand you open early and (assuming management decides to open early) wander aimlessly around the store without making a purchase.

        The Deliberately Deaf - They ask questions. Intelligent and usually friendly questions. But when you start to answer, they cut you off with other questions, only to ask the same questions later and complain that they don't understand what's going on.

        Phone Shopper, Type A - They call the store, typically at the busiest time of day, and ask twenty minutes worth of questions, expecting the same service they would get if they were really in the store. These often mutate into the Paris Hilton strain of Sucky Customer.

        Phone Shopper, Type B - This is the escalated form of The Blatherer. This person does not trust salespeople or is too shy to talk to them. He or she comes in to a store to purchase a product he or she knows little or nothing about, then calls a friend on the cell phone. They will spend hours on the phone with said friend, wandering through the store trying to figure out which product to get. This is especially bothersome when the salesperson can overhear the conversation and knows within minutes EXACTLY which product to recommend.
        I suspect that... inside every adult (sometimes not very far inside) is a bratty kid who wants everything his own way.
        - Bill Watterson

        My co-workers: They're there when they need me.
        - IPF

        Comment


        • #19
          Just a couple I've seen a lot of recently...


          The Ice Block - the customer that apparently finds it totally acceptable to ignore everything the store employees say to them by acting like the employee isn't even there. Will only speak if they need us to do something for them, and will give very dirty looks if we can't meet their exact wishes (despite their request having been incredibly vague).

          The Can't-Wait-Five-Seconds - Begins drumming fingers on the counter impatiently as soon as they get in line. However quickly the checker is moving, or however few items this customer has to ring up, they still act like a five-year-old waiting at the doctor's office. If there is any delay in their checkout at all, they will start muttering things under their breath such as "C'mon, c'mon, let's go," "Hurry it up," or my personal favourite, "I don't have all day." When the transaction's done, they usually signal their departure with a loud and obtrusive sigh, or even "Finally!" and storm off in a rush.

          The Shield of Feigned Sweetness - the customer that sends employees off to do menial, ridiculous tasks for them (pick out a bag of fruit for them, run across the store to find a specific kind of cake that they totally could have picked up for themselves, throw away their used kleenex for them, etc.) while hedging their outlandish requests with syrupy-sweet "I hope it's not too much trouble"s, and "Oh, thank you soooooo much, I really appreciate that, now if you could just go and get ___ for me..."

          The Obsessive-Compulsive - "Now, I'm gonna need the frozen foods double-bagged in paper with a plastic bag around the outside, and the breads need to be sorted by flavour into plastic bags with two loaves each, and when you load the stuff into the cart, make sure that the produce is on the right and the meat is on the left, and...hey! You can't put those there!!! The eggs go on TOP!!! "


          Yep, my store's a freak magnet.


          - D.C.
          Discourtesy Clerk, purveyor of fine hay bales, pine scented douche and stuff that's not in bins since July 2006.

          Comment


          • #20
            The badge flasher - Cop who shows you his badge when he's off duty and thinks they don't have to pay when they can try and threaten to arrest you.

            The I know the owner - Claims to know the owner but really doesn't.

            I left it at home - Idiot who leaves money etc at their house.

            The I know who your boss is - SC who claims to know your boss in order to get you in trouble for insipid things.
            The Grand Galactic Inquisitor hears all and sees all.

            Comment


            • #21
              The Screamer: Begins the conversation screaming & doesn't quit until transferred to a supervisor because frankly, you don't earn enough to endure that kind of attitude.

              Mr./Ms. Attitude: Thinks everything should go her/his way or else it's YOUR fault.

              The Teacher: Believes s/he can teach you how to do something better even though s/he knows nothing about the product in the first place.
              The universe is mostly empty space, and so is your job. ~Dilbert

              Comment


              • #22
                Quoth ihatethenba68
                The badge flasher - Cop who shows you his badge when he's off duty and thinks they don't have to pay when they can try and threaten to arrest you.
                I have had this happen on more than one occasion:

                SC: "I'll have a margarita."
                ME: "May I see your ID please sire?
                SC: "Are you serious? "Man, I'm a cop!"
                ME: "Then you should KNOW I have to do this!"

                And yes, I DO say that last line when cops question me when I am doing something that the law requires me to do.

                If you look 30 or under, I am required by STATE LAW to ask for your ID. If you don't have it, you aren't getting any alcoholic drinks. And I don't care if you are a cop, with the liquor board, in city government, someone famous, a parent with kids (you don't have to be 21 to have kids, people!), or that your parents who are with you will "vouch" for you. The STATE LAW does not allow me to take those things into consideration, and frankly, your inconvenience/surprise is not a higher priority to me than my job/a fine/a court date.

                Any questions?

                "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                Still A Customer."

                Comment


                • #23
                  That's exactly right, Jester. As far as I'm concerned, there is NO-ONE I like enough to want to fork over a 5 grand fine for... give me your ID, or no booze. Simple as that.
                  People who don't like cats were probably mice in an earlier life.
                  My DeviantArt.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    how about the "Ive just woken up from a coma customer: comes in and asks about a product we havent had in stock for six years.
                    Its better to be silent and let people think that you are stupid than to open your mouth and confirm it

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      SC: How much can I get cash-back? (When paying by debit card)
                      ME: I'm sorry, we don't do cash-back, it doesn't work.
                      SC: But my daughter works here!
                      ME: That's nice, but we still don't do cash-back.

                      Puhleese!!!
                      The customer is always right until I decide he isn't.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Quoth Canadian In Maine
                        SC: How much can I get cash-back? (When paying by debit card)
                        ME: I'm sorry, we don't do cash-back, it doesn't work.
                        SC: But my daughter works here!
                        ME: That's nice, but we still don't do cash-back.

                        Puhleese!!!
                        Over where I work it's more like this:

                        SC: I'd like cashback, please.
                        Me: How much?
                        SC: £100 please.
                        Me: Sorry, we only go up to £50.
                        SC: I got it last week!
                        Me: Sorry, but our tills only allow up to £50.
                        SC: Fine, £50 then. *sulks*

                        We have cashpoints outside, that is the really dumb thing about this. How hard is it to walk outside? I shall name this person the "Cashback Moron" and add them to the list.
                        People who don't like cats were probably mice in an earlier life.
                        My DeviantArt.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          SC: But my daughter works here!
                          maybe it's me, but i fail to see the relationship between a cash back option and the daughter's place of employment.

                          is she some kind of wizard who waves a magic wand for mommy/daddy, causing the cash back option to appear out of nothingness?
                          look! it's ghengis khan!
                          Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Quoth Mark Healey
                            I just deal with another one.

                            The Change Granny. - Why do old ladies always carry insane amounts of change and insist on giving ME exact change when I know that the only way she could have accumulated it all was by paying with notes elsewhere.
                            My grandmother just fobbed an insane amount of change off on me; her change purse was too heavy Oh well. At least I can use it and my mom can use the quarters for laundry and the like.
                            "I am quite confident that I do exist."
                            "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Quoth chainedbarista
                              maybe it's me, but i fail to see the relationship between a cash back option and the daughter's place of employment.

                              is she some kind of wizard who waves a magic wand for mommy/daddy, causing the cash back option to appear out of nothingness?
                              Maybe he thinks there is!

                              I still don't know who his daughter is and quite frankly I don't care. She's probably just as whiny.
                              The customer is always right until I decide he isn't.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                can in maine, i'm thinking that next, this guy will have some sort of conspiracy theory over why he can't get the cash back.

                                people...
                                look! it's ghengis khan!
                                Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)

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