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A woman is cleaning out her attic and comes across a small box. She opens it and finds 3 golf balls and $250.00.
When her husband comes home she questions him and he finally admits that every time he was unfaithful to her he put a golf ball in the box.
She immediately goes ballistic and starts yelling at him, but as she is doing so she thinks "30 years of marriage and only 3 golf balls."
She calms down and says, "What you have done is not nice but I'll forgive you. However, I still don't know what the $250.00 is all about.
Her husband looks up at her and timidly says, "Well darling, every time I had collected a dozen balls I would sell them."
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A foursome of executives had a standing date every Saturday to play golf. As luck would have it, one of the executives was transferred to another city. The man who came to take his place was also a golfer. The three that were left were delighted and invited him to take their friend's place on Saturday.
"What time do you tee off?" asked the new player.
The three replied, "At 9:00 a.m."
The new player said, "I may be about ten minutes late. If I am, wait for me. I'll be there."
Saturday came, and the new guy was waiting for them. They began their game, and this new guy proceed to beat the fire out of all of them. At the 19th hole, the original threesome asked if the new guy would play the next Saturday in order for them to get their money back.
"What time to you tee off?" asked the new player.
The three replied, "Same as today, at 9:00 a.m."
The new player said, "I may be about ten minutes late. If I am, wait on me. I'll be here."
The next Saturday, the new player was, once again, waiting on them when they arrived. They began playing, but this time the new player played LEFT HANDED, and proceeded to beat them even more soundly than the Saturday before.
At the 19th hole, the three said, "Man, we have NEVER seen anyone play as well as you. But tell us, how do you know from which side to play?
The new guy said, "It's very simple. When I get up on Saturday morning, if my wife is sleeping on her right side, I tee it up on the right. If she is sleeping on her left, I tee it up from the left."
"And what is she is sleeping on her back?" the threesome asked.
"That's when I'm ten minutes late!"
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A guy had been on a deserted island for 10 years when he saw something approaching. Instead of a ship, it was a beautiful woman in a wetsuit. She took off the hood and shook out her long hair. She said to the guy, "How long has it been since you've had a smoke?"
"I've been stranded on this island for ten years and haven't had a smoke in all that time", he replied. She promptly unzipped a pocket on her right sleeve and pulled out a pack of cigarettes for him.
As he enjoyed a smoke, she said, "How long has it been since you've had a drink?"
"I've been stranded on this island for ten years and haven't had a drink in all that time", he replied.
She then unzipped a pocket on her left sleeve and pulled out a bottle of aged Scotch. While he was enjoying a drink, she started to unzip the front of the wetsuit. While doing so, she asked, "How long has it been since you've played around?"
His eyes bulged as he said, "Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there!!!"
-----
A young woman, just after beginning her round was stung by a bee. After returning to the pro shop and telling the pro she was stung, she asked what she should do.
"Where were you stung,?" he asked.
"Between the first and second hole," she replies.
"Well," said the pro, "first of all your feet are too far apart."
-----
After an enjoyable eighteen holes of golf, a man stopped in a bar for a beer before heading home. There he struck up a conversation with a ravishing young beauty. They had a couple of drinks, liked each other, and soon she invited him over to her apartment. For two hours they made mad, passionate love.
On the way home, the man's conscience started bothering him something awful. He loved his wife and didn't want this unplanned indiscretion to ruin their relationship, so he decided the only thing to do was come clean.
"Honey," he said when he got home, "I have a confession to make. After I played golf today, I stopped by the bar for a beer, met a beautiful woman, went back to her apartment and made love to her for two hours. I'm sorry, it won't ever happen again, and I hope you'll forgive me."
His wife scowled at him and said, "Don't lie to me, you sorry scum bag! You played thirty-six holes, didn't you?"
-----
One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the sixteenth hole.
He tees up and cranks one, but, unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with a huge knot on his head and the golf ball is lying beside him.
"Goodness," says the golfer and proceeds to revive the little guy.
Upon awakening, the little fellow says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun and I will grant you three wishes."
The man says, "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and he walks away.
Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks to himself, "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he DID catch me, so I have to do something nice for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want: I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game and a fantastic sex life."
Well, a year goes by and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and, sure enough, hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the same little man he asks him how is doing.
The leprechaun says, "I'm doing fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?"
"It's great! I hit under par every time."
The leprechaun says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how the money is holding out?"
The golfer says, "Well now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred pound note."
The leprechaun again says, "I did that for you. And may I ask how your sex life is?"
The golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, maybe once or twice a week."
The leprechaun is flabbergasted and stammers, "Once or twice a week?"
"Well," says the golfer, "That's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."
When her husband comes home she questions him and he finally admits that every time he was unfaithful to her he put a golf ball in the box.
She immediately goes ballistic and starts yelling at him, but as she is doing so she thinks "30 years of marriage and only 3 golf balls."
She calms down and says, "What you have done is not nice but I'll forgive you. However, I still don't know what the $250.00 is all about.
Her husband looks up at her and timidly says, "Well darling, every time I had collected a dozen balls I would sell them."
-----
A foursome of executives had a standing date every Saturday to play golf. As luck would have it, one of the executives was transferred to another city. The man who came to take his place was also a golfer. The three that were left were delighted and invited him to take their friend's place on Saturday.
"What time do you tee off?" asked the new player.
The three replied, "At 9:00 a.m."
The new player said, "I may be about ten minutes late. If I am, wait for me. I'll be there."
Saturday came, and the new guy was waiting for them. They began their game, and this new guy proceed to beat the fire out of all of them. At the 19th hole, the original threesome asked if the new guy would play the next Saturday in order for them to get their money back.
"What time to you tee off?" asked the new player.
The three replied, "Same as today, at 9:00 a.m."
The new player said, "I may be about ten minutes late. If I am, wait on me. I'll be here."
The next Saturday, the new player was, once again, waiting on them when they arrived. They began playing, but this time the new player played LEFT HANDED, and proceeded to beat them even more soundly than the Saturday before.
At the 19th hole, the three said, "Man, we have NEVER seen anyone play as well as you. But tell us, how do you know from which side to play?
The new guy said, "It's very simple. When I get up on Saturday morning, if my wife is sleeping on her right side, I tee it up on the right. If she is sleeping on her left, I tee it up from the left."
"And what is she is sleeping on her back?" the threesome asked.
"That's when I'm ten minutes late!"
-----
A guy had been on a deserted island for 10 years when he saw something approaching. Instead of a ship, it was a beautiful woman in a wetsuit. She took off the hood and shook out her long hair. She said to the guy, "How long has it been since you've had a smoke?"
"I've been stranded on this island for ten years and haven't had a smoke in all that time", he replied. She promptly unzipped a pocket on her right sleeve and pulled out a pack of cigarettes for him.
As he enjoyed a smoke, she said, "How long has it been since you've had a drink?"
"I've been stranded on this island for ten years and haven't had a drink in all that time", he replied.
She then unzipped a pocket on her left sleeve and pulled out a bottle of aged Scotch. While he was enjoying a drink, she started to unzip the front of the wetsuit. While doing so, she asked, "How long has it been since you've played around?"
His eyes bulged as he said, "Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there!!!"
-----
A young woman, just after beginning her round was stung by a bee. After returning to the pro shop and telling the pro she was stung, she asked what she should do.
"Where were you stung,?" he asked.
"Between the first and second hole," she replies.
"Well," said the pro, "first of all your feet are too far apart."
-----
After an enjoyable eighteen holes of golf, a man stopped in a bar for a beer before heading home. There he struck up a conversation with a ravishing young beauty. They had a couple of drinks, liked each other, and soon she invited him over to her apartment. For two hours they made mad, passionate love.
On the way home, the man's conscience started bothering him something awful. He loved his wife and didn't want this unplanned indiscretion to ruin their relationship, so he decided the only thing to do was come clean.
"Honey," he said when he got home, "I have a confession to make. After I played golf today, I stopped by the bar for a beer, met a beautiful woman, went back to her apartment and made love to her for two hours. I'm sorry, it won't ever happen again, and I hope you'll forgive me."
His wife scowled at him and said, "Don't lie to me, you sorry scum bag! You played thirty-six holes, didn't you?"
-----
One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the sixteenth hole.
He tees up and cranks one, but, unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with a huge knot on his head and the golf ball is lying beside him.
"Goodness," says the golfer and proceeds to revive the little guy.
Upon awakening, the little fellow says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun and I will grant you three wishes."
The man says, "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and he walks away.
Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks to himself, "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he DID catch me, so I have to do something nice for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want: I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game and a fantastic sex life."
Well, a year goes by and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and, sure enough, hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the same little man he asks him how is doing.
The leprechaun says, "I'm doing fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?"
"It's great! I hit under par every time."
The leprechaun says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how the money is holding out?"
The golfer says, "Well now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred pound note."
The leprechaun again says, "I did that for you. And may I ask how your sex life is?"
The golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, maybe once or twice a week."
The leprechaun is flabbergasted and stammers, "Once or twice a week?"
"Well," says the golfer, "That's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."
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