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  • #16
    Okay so I may have poked fun at you guys for over-sharing but i'll be a sheep and join in.

    STEP 1) Get naked in bathroom.
    2) Turn on water
    3) Get in shower once water is hot enough.
    4) Pour body wash into hands and rub over naked self
    5) Rinse
    6) Wash hair and shave legs & other 'bits'
    7) Rinse hair, towel dry.
    8) Apply deep conditioning conditioner to hair and leave in for a few minutes for it to work it's magic.
    9) Analyse imperfections in mirror while waiting for said conditioner to be done.
    10) Get back in shower and rinse hair.
    11) Ignore housemate yelling that i'm using too much water.
    12) Get out of shower and wrap towel around self.
    13) Retreat into bedroom to apply lotions and potions and other such things to now-clean naked self.

    I ride the time, it unfolds a new day,
    another time, this world would fade away
    To find true love, is like no other joy,
    our choice is here
    be happy for today

    Comment


    • #17
      Quoth Greenday View Post
      Wow, Mysty, what do you do with the other 4 hours of the day that you have left after your shower?
      Believe it or not, this ritual takes me an hour, tops. But I don't shower often...I'm more of a bath-in-the-sink-two-or-three-times-a-day type...it's quicker, easier, and relatively healthier so long as I haven't been working out a lot or something. So this is only two or three times a week.

      Besides, one has to keep one's promoing skills sharp...no better place to practice!
      "Maybe the problem just went away...maybe it was the magical sniper fairy that comes and gives silenced hollow point rounds to people who don't eat their vegetables."

      Comment


      • #18
        Quoth MystyGlyttyr View Post
        ...I'm more of a bath-in-the-sink-two-or-three-times-a-day type...

        How can you clean yourself properly in a sink?? a SINK?
        I ride the time, it unfolds a new day,
        another time, this world would fade away
        To find true love, is like no other joy,
        our choice is here
        be happy for today

        Comment


        • #19
          Quoth COMINATCHA View Post
          How can you clean yourself properly in a sink?? a SINK?
          Just like a sponge bath, only by yourself and standing up. Once you get the hang of it, it's easy. It's just a habit born of living in drought conditions for a really long time.
          "Maybe the problem just went away...maybe it was the magical sniper fairy that comes and gives silenced hollow point rounds to people who don't eat their vegetables."

          Comment


          • #20
            1: wake up around 7
            2: stare in injured incomprehension at the alarm
            3: fall over discarded clothes on way to shower
            4: Clamber into shower
            5: make mental note to remember to clean shower curtain before next inspection.
            6: angst over general scummyness.
            7: spend 5 mins adjusting temparature
            8: wash hair if it needs it with colour-enhancing shampoo
            9: Appy conditioner and cleansing face oil.
            10: massage face
            11: shave anything that needs it
            12: Apply shower gel to scrubby gloves
            13: scrub.
            14: use muslin cloth to remove face oil
            15: wash out conditioner
            16: oil self
            17: get out, shivering, complain about freezing cold poorly heating old houses.
            Deepak Chopra says, "Fear deprives people of choice. Fear shrinks the world into isolated, defensive enclaves. Fear spirals out of control. Fear makes everyday life seem clouded over with danger.

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            • #21
              Fine fine....

              Get up, look at clock, sigh.

              go sit at computer for an hour and read email

              Look at clock on desktop and realize OH CRAP gotta get going.

              Run into bathroom and turn on heatlight & fan, turn off normal light.

              Turn on water to slightly warm not hot (it's 100F around here!)

              Hop in and use a dime sized dribble to wash hair (it used to be so long too!)

              Think to self, hmm need more shampoo

              Grab Poufy thing and pour on some good smelling body wash

              Scrub all scrubbable parts

              Inspect shaveable areas - tune up or not? Tune up.

              Realize drain isnt draining, use foot to move hair from drain. Stupid drain.

              Rinse body and turn off water.

              Look at self in full length mirror and say Hmm That area needs a bit of work, but damn your face is lookin good today

              Dry off and get going for whatever it is I'm doing.

              Cutenoob
              In my heart, in my soul, I'm a woman for rock & roll.
              She's as fast as slugs on barbituates.

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              • #22
                Ahh... showering.

                1. Plug iPod into stereo and decide on what I want to listen to
                2. Turn on water
                3. Get undressed and hop in the shower
                4. Scrub down with loofa and body wash
                5. Exfoliate face
                6. Clean face with a moisturizing cleanser
                7. Shampoo with a lather mohawk
                8. Get out of shower
                9. Admire my clean self in the mirror and ponder on whether or not I want to shave
                10. Typically decide against shaving
                11. Enjoy my day
                When will the fantasy end? When will the heaven begin?

                Comment


                • #23
                  Showering the I.P Freleigh way:
                  1. Turn on water
                  2. Get undressed and jump in shower
                  3. Shampoo hair
                  4. Condition hair and leave in
                  5. Scrub down with body wash on washcloth
                  6. If I feel like it, shave while in the shower; otherwise attack the stubble with electric razor later
                  7. Turn off water and get out of shower
                  8. Towel off
                  9. Get dressed
                  10. "Style" hair
                  11. Begin day much earlier than I'd like
                  Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                  "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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                  • #24
                    Haha. Someone made a movie out of this joke (yes, there was a joke at the beginning before it became everyone's shower habits).
                    "You are loved" - Plaidman.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Quoth Kara_CS View Post
                      Aw, heck, might as well join in.

                      How to shower, the Kara way

                      You will need: 2 towels, washcloths/poufs, 1 caged animal, and another woman...
                      Wow, save for the other woman (1 man, 1 woman) and the caged animal that sounds like mine for the most part. Ha.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Since all the cool kids are doing it. My showering habits for showering in the morning alone.

                        Awake at 5:25 AM
                        Take off shorts, walk naked to bathroom, leave light off use night light for when we have to pee at night
                        Close door so as to not allow cat in
                        Brush teeth, take medicine while doing "have to pee" dance
                        Pee and turn on water.
                        Hop in
                        Wash face with hands.
                        Wash hair
                        Lather wash cloth, wash body
                        Turn water off, grab towel
                        Dry off
                        Shave (if I feel like it)
                        Walk naked to bedroom, look at wife sleeping
                        put on underwear and socks
                        walk into closet, shut door behind me, turn on light
                        put on pants, pick out shirt.
                        Finish dressing, kiss wife goodbye, let dog out and back in, watch news, leave for work at 6:10

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Quoth NightAngel View Post
                          Flash husband only if there are definately no children around.
                          Addendum: Defend against inevitable boob squeeze as direct result of flashing.

                          Put on pjs, brush teeth, go to bed.
                          Addendum: Defend against inevitable boob squeeze as direct result of earlier flashing still being fresh in hubby's mind.
                          You win at the internets
                          http://www.deezer.com/#music/album/100130
                          Melody Gardot

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                          • #28
                            Okay, I'll play:

                            Showering the Hecubus Way

                            - Undress in bedroom

                            - Put towel on seat of wheelchair so my naked butt doesn't touch the pad I sit on

                            - Remove left footrest and side panel from wheelchair

                            - Roll into bathroom

                            - Pull into shower, transfer onto built in shower seat

                            - Make sure the handheld showerhead is in the off position, turn on water

                            - Wait a moment, turn on handheld showerhead and carefully test water temp on my arm

                            - Realize water is too hot, turn water temp dial about a millimeter to the right

                            - Test on my arm again, realize water is too cold, adjust dial another millimeter or so to the left

                            - Repeat until water temp is just right, not too hot, not too cold

                            - Shampoo hair, rinse, shampoo again

                            - Try to keep water from my hair out of my eyes as I use a washcloth to wash my body

                            - Turn off water, pull wheelchair back into stall, transfer back into wheelchair

                            - Go to my room, dry body and hair. Get dressed for either bed or my day, depending on morning or night

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                            • #29
                              Wow, maybe I've been doing it wrong for over 50 years.

                              1. Wake up and go to bathroom.
                              2. If it's Sunday I shave. (By beard is very sparse and doesn't grow very fast. I shave on Sunday and I get my 5 o'clock shadow on Friday)
                              3. After doing the obvious I start the shower and place a towel on the top of the toilet tank.
                              4. Get in and use dandruff shampoo.
                              5. Leave shampoo in while I wash the rest.
                              6. Rinse everything
                              7. Squeegee most of the water off, open shower door, grab towel and dry myself.
                              8. If I have to go somewhere that day, I put clothes on.
                              This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                1. Wake up at 5:00 to screaming alarm clock

                                2. Slam hand on clock.

                                3. Fumble to find clock where it landed on floor and put it back on night stand.

                                4. Move sleeping child who climbed into my bed during the night.

                                5. Hobble around bed due to bone spurs on heels.

                                6. Trip over small, black dog that decided to sleep in the bedroom/bathroom door way.

                                7. Close bathroom door and turn on light.

                                8. Slam eyes shut due to blindingly bright lights flooding fully opened pupils.

                                9. Attempt not to look at huge mirror over sink so as to avoid seeing how fat I am.

                                10. Grab can of shaving crème and lather up.

                                11. Shave with the grain of my beard.

                                12. Notice the stubble all over my face.

                                13. Shave again without crème and against grain (Queer Eye grooming “expert” advisor who screams this is wrong be damned).

                                14. Brush teeth.

                                15. Do “business.”

                                16. Flush

                                17. Hang shorts on doorknob.

                                18. Step into bathtub.

                                19. Pull shower curtain closed.

                                20. Wonder why my wife insisted on a dark floral pattern for the shower curtain that lets no light into the tub area when closed.

                                21. Take Shower Massage head off its cradle and aim it at bottom of shower to avoid cold water spraying all over me.

                                22. Turn on water to right temperature.

                                23. Put Shower Massage hear back in cradle.

                                24. Note how the build up of lime is causing odd water spray from head.

                                25. Promise to remove the lime this weekend just like I have intended to do for the last five weeks.

                                26. Grab Dial soap and lather up.

                                27. Grab freaky back brush wife bought.

                                28. Lather freaky back brush.

                                29. Attempt to use freaky back brush without breaking its handle like I did to the last three.

                                30. Try to rinse freaky bath brush.

                                31. Curse when all cold water stops when daughter flushes toilet in upstairs bathroom.

                                32. Grab whatever discount shampoo I bought that is hidden somewhere amongst my wife’s fifteen bottles of stuff she uses.

                                33. Lather once.

                                34. Rinse.

                                35. Turn off water.

                                36. Note if water is draining properly or if another dose of Liquid Plumber is needed.

                                37. Push open curtain.

                                38. Reach around corner to get towel hanging on door.

                                39. Towel off in tub to keep shower mat dry (I hate wet mats.)

                                40. Jiggle toilet handle because the tank is still running.

                                41. Grab hair dryer from basket by toilet and plug it in.

                                42. Using fingers for a brush, dry what is left of my hair.

                                43. Put dryer back in basket.

                                44. Put shorts back on.

                                45. Turn off light.

                                46. Open bedroom door.

                                47. Trip over small, black dog that still is in doorway.

                                48. Get dressed in dark. (Later realize I am wearing a blue and brown sock with black slacks because I could not see.)
                                "Ignorance is no excuse for a law."
                                .................................................. ..................- Alfred E. Newman

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