Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Wherein I chronicle the horrors I have beheld

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
    Both sets of lips were clearly clenched in abject agony.
    I hate you.

    You owe me so much right now.
    Unseen but seeing
    oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
    There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
    3rd shift needs love, too
    RIP, mo bhrionglóid

    Comment


    • #17
      Gravekeeper - I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but if I'm ever in town, I'll buy you a drink (or two... or three...) You make me so glad I'm not doing phone support!

      Comment


      • #18
        I do thoroughly enjoy reading your posts GK. It makes my other wise dull and boring day that much brighter.

        Oh, and send DTA guy my love, I was worried about him.
        I am but a tiny, barren, insignificant rock caught in the glorious orbit of your shining sun. Gravekeeper.

        Comment


        • #19
          You need baked goods of some variety. I'm offering a cheesecake. Anyone else have an offer?
          Low lie the Fields of Athenry/ Where once we watched the small free birds fly/ Our love was on the wing/ we had dreams and songs to sing/ It's so lonely around the Fields of Athenry

          Comment


          • #20
            Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
            Whether or not you can tell me the 7th chevron required to dial back to said device is another story.
            "Chevron 7........will NOT LOCK!!"
            "We guard the souls in heaven; we don't horse-trade them!" Samandrial in Supernatural

            RIP Plaidman.

            Comment


            • #21
              Stargate AND 28 days later references!

              Would have been great, except there were too many vagina references. Gross ones. :P

              Comment


              • #22
                Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
                The Pimp™:
                I have a little tip for all you guys that think you’re clever choosing this costume option: Do not dress up as a person whose profession it is to sell women when you yourself look like the only hope you would ever have is if you purchased women.
                Rent. The word is rent. Or if it's a long-term type thing, lease works as well.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Quoth Dave1982 View Post
                  "Chevron 7........will NOT LOCK!!"
                  Of course not.. technically (and only technically) they are still on the same planet...

                  I'm wondering - was laundry basket dude using a cane/wicker basket? If so, he could have been trying to do a costume from a chinese martial arts movie...
                  When I said "From my research", what I actually meant to say was "Made shit up" - from a thottbot thread

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
                    867

                    Me: “Alright, and your phone number please?”
                    SC: “No phone.”

                    Normally I would give you the benefit of the doubt however there’s one glaring piece of evidence to the contrary. Unless I am merely facing down the cross eyed inbred gazelle of ignorance rather than the raging Gila monster of stupidity? In which case I want you to listen very carefully. The thing you’re dutifully cradling with your recently acquired opposable thumbs? Yes, that thing. The thing that my voice is magically coming out of.
                    I can't believe I am actually about to defend the 867ers, but I am.

                    I am not saying this is what happened, I am merely suggesting a possibility. That being that, while your caller was in fact calling from a phone, it wasn't their phone, but either a friend's or a public phone, and that said caller did not, in fact, have their own phone, but still wanted that hat so badly they went to the extreme measure of using someone else's to order said hat.

                    Just saying that you can use a phone without actually having a phone.

                    Quoth Slytovhand View Post
                    I'm wondering - was laundry basket dude using a cane/wicker basket? If so, he could have been trying to do a costume from a chinese martial arts movie...
                    Trying....and failing. Miserably.

                    "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                    Still A Customer."

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Quoth Jester View Post
                      Just saying that you can use a phone without actually having a phone.
                      Well of course, but I'm a bitter, apathetic shell of a human being and the best scenario is very far down on my list. But honestly, generally speaking some of these so far north they CAN see Russia from their house places typically only have one or two phones for community use. I was just bemused by the fact her response was "NO PHONE!" than when I pointed out no phone, no pants, she gave me her phone number.

                      We get the no phone thing every now and than yet they always have a phone number handy when we point out they can't order anything without a phone number. Only once or twice have they seriously not had a phone and even trying to inquiry about the phone they were currently ON met with failure. As if they had found some sort of arctic genie and making a phone call was their third and final wish.
                      Last edited by Gravekeeper; 11-03-2008, 05:44 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        I've come to count on you, dude. You keep offering up these glorious reminders of why I left and why I'll likely never move back to the wet coast.

                        Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
                        Horrible Things I've Said To My Coworkers
                        ( Madonna was playing in town this week and the paper had the headline "Like a 50 Year Old Virgin" on the front. )

                        CW picks up paper.
                        CW: "Like a 50 Year Old Virgin?"
                        Me: "Like peeling open a warm 50 year old grilled cheese sandwich maybe."
                        CW: ".....aw....awww...ugggggHHH oh GOD WHY?!"
                        And they say you can't fall in love twice. Too bad my current husband is, well, current.

                        Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
                        What....
                        ( This was 2 days before Halloween. So that's not why.. )

                        Sooo….Broadway Station. Perfectly normal looking guy gets on. Average in all respects….except he’s wearing a laundry hamper on his head. He didn’t mention it, or touch it, or anything. It was just there. On his head. I don’t know why he was wearing it on his head. Perhaps it was a fashion statement, perhaps he merely forget he put it there or maybe it was even some sort of protective coating keeping the Thetans out of his brainbox. I’m not sure. For all I know he was eloping with it because his family couldn’t accept their love.
                        After what feels like a hundred lifetimes of endless rain, things get really simple. Rain beating on a laundry hamper has a totally different sound than rain beating on your umbrella... or your skull. The hamper might not keep you dry, but at least the tinnitus switches to a different pitch. And being dry is such a novel state that you probably wouldn't recognize it anyway.

                        Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
                        I Don’t Have a Real Costume ( Male Edition ):
                        Solution? Just take a bunch of random articles of clothing you already own but would not normally wear together ( Winter Coat + Pajamas? Win! ) and add A) Suspenders, B) A toque or C) Oversized novelty glasses. Viola! Instant Halloween costume! Congratulations you’re now dressed like an utter, complete, all encompassing dashboard chewing wonder twit. But unfortunately, you’ve missed the point of Halloween. You’re suppose to dress up as something you’re not. Otherwise it’s not technically a costume.
                        Dude, how long have you lived there? That's not a costume.

                        Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
                        I Don’t Have a Real Costume ( Female Edition ):
                        So I’ll just dress like a whore!
                        Neither is this.

                        Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
                        Yes I can ruin any holiday. I look forward to ruining Christmas too.
                        I can't wait!
                        What colour is the sky in your world and how high of a dosage do you need before it turns back to blue? --Gravekeeper

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
                          ... *snip* ...
                          I can’t really see a plumber casing the joint thinking “Dammit! No one home! YET I MUST HAVE THOSE TAPS! NOTHING ELSE CAN COOL MY SCROTUM.” than jimmying open a window so he can meticulously disconnect your faucets, bag them and replace them with hideous substitutes specifically designed to antagonize you.
                          Outstanding. I will be stealing this and from now on instead of telling someone to "Cool their Jets" it will be "Cool your Scrotum!" I'm sure there are other ways I can work this into a conversation - it's amazing how much versatility you can get out of a single phrase.


                          Quoth Gravekeeper View Post

                          TSTST

                          Serious cases of TSTST on the Skytrain tonight. If you’ve never heard the term before, don’t worry, that’s because I invented it so it mainly only exists in my head. I’m sure you’ll recognize it though: TSTST ( Too Straight To Sit Together ). This is when 8 guys get on the Skytrain and immediately take up 16 seats because sitting next to each other would somehow imply they're gay lovers. If you’re that terrified that brushing your knee against your friend’s knee by accident is somehow going to forever change your relationship there’s probably deeper issues at heart to begin with. I mean we all know every guy is just brief thigh contact away from penis fencing. I know I am.
                          To be fair, I know a lot of folks just simply like to have more space to stretch out in. I like to have extra space so I can "sprawl out" and it's nice to have a spot to put my bag or other assorted crap down on. That, and who knows what sort of terrors actual human interaction could bring if I was forced to sit next to someone.
                          Be a winner today: Pick a fight with a 4 year old.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            GK, I may have not mentioned this, but I think I'm in love with your unbelievably articulate brain. I LOL every time I read your posts.
                            "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
                              Well of course, but I'm a bitter, apathetic shell of a human being and the best scenario is very far down on my list.
                              Touche.

                              Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
                              I was just bemused by the fact her response was "NO PHONE!" than when I pointed out no phone, no pants, she gave me her phone number.
                              Ah, you didn't mention THAT part.

                              "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                              Still A Customer."

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                FRAIL.

                                Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
                                Horrible Things I've Said To My Coworkers
                                ( Madonna was playing in town this week and the paper had the headline "Like a 50 Year Old Virgin" on the front. )

                                CW picks up paper.
                                CW: "Like a 50 Year Old Virgin?"
                                Me: "Like peeling open a warm 50 year old grilled cheese sandwich maybe."
                                CW: ".....aw....awww...ugggggHHH oh GOD WHY?!"
                                Bahaha.
                                I know it isn't work - but the number of times we pull that line from the vault with regard to our 68yo deputy principal-slash-"dean of the arts" at school... is astonishing. It never fails to get the reaction you describe, either.

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X