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Wherein I chronicle the horrors I have beheld
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You need baked goods of some variety. I'm offering a cheesecake. Anyone else have an offer?Low lie the Fields of Athenry/ Where once we watched the small free birds fly/ Our love was on the wing/ we had dreams and songs to sing/ It's so lonely around the Fields of Athenry
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Quoth Gravekeeper View PostThe Pimp™:
I have a little tip for all you guys that think you’re clever choosing this costume option: Do not dress up as a person whose profession it is to sell women when you yourself look like the only hope you would ever have is if you purchased women.
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Quoth Dave1982 View Post"Chevron 7........will NOT LOCK!!"
I'm wondering - was laundry basket dude using a cane/wicker basket? If so, he could have been trying to do a costume from a chinese martial arts movie...When I said "From my research", what I actually meant to say was "Made shit up" - from a thottbot thread
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Quoth Gravekeeper View Post867
Me: “Alright, and your phone number please?”
SC: “No phone.”
Normally I would give you the benefit of the doubt however there’s one glaring piece of evidence to the contrary. Unless I am merely facing down the cross eyed inbred gazelle of ignorance rather than the raging Gila monster of stupidity? In which case I want you to listen very carefully. The thing you’re dutifully cradling with your recently acquired opposable thumbs? Yes, that thing. The thing that my voice is magically coming out of.
I am not saying this is what happened, I am merely suggesting a possibility. That being that, while your caller was in fact calling from a phone, it wasn't their phone, but either a friend's or a public phone, and that said caller did not, in fact, have their own phone, but still wanted that hat so badly they went to the extreme measure of using someone else's to order said hat.
Just saying that you can use a phone without actually having a phone.
Quoth Slytovhand View PostI'm wondering - was laundry basket dude using a cane/wicker basket? If so, he could have been trying to do a costume from a chinese martial arts movie...
"The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is Still A Customer."
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Quoth Jester View PostJust saying that you can use a phone without actually having a phone.
We get the no phone thing every now and than yet they always have a phone number handy when we point out they can't order anything without a phone number. Only once or twice have they seriously not had a phone and even trying to inquiry about the phone they were currently ON met with failure. As if they had found some sort of arctic genie and making a phone call was their third and final wish.Last edited by Gravekeeper; 11-03-2008, 05:44 PM.
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I've come to count on you, dude. You keep offering up these glorious reminders of why I left and why I'll likely never move back to the wet coast.
Quoth Gravekeeper View PostHorrible Things I've Said To My Coworkers
( Madonna was playing in town this week and the paper had the headline "Like a 50 Year Old Virgin" on the front. )
CW picks up paper.
CW: "Like a 50 Year Old Virgin?"
Me: "Like peeling open a warm 50 year old grilled cheese sandwich maybe."
CW: ".....aw....awww...ugggggHHH oh GOD WHY?!"
Quoth Gravekeeper View PostWhat....
( This was 2 days before Halloween. So that's not why.. )
Sooo….Broadway Station. Perfectly normal looking guy gets on. Average in all respects….except he’s wearing a laundry hamper on his head. He didn’t mention it, or touch it, or anything. It was just there. On his head. I don’t know why he was wearing it on his head. Perhaps it was a fashion statement, perhaps he merely forget he put it there or maybe it was even some sort of protective coating keeping the Thetans out of his brainbox. I’m not sure. For all I know he was eloping with it because his family couldn’t accept their love.
Quoth Gravekeeper View PostI Don’t Have a Real Costume ( Male Edition ):
Solution? Just take a bunch of random articles of clothing you already own but would not normally wear together ( Winter Coat + Pajamas? Win! ) and add A) Suspenders, B) A toque or C) Oversized novelty glasses. Viola! Instant Halloween costume! Congratulations you’re now dressed like an utter, complete, all encompassing dashboard chewing wonder twit. But unfortunately, you’ve missed the point of Halloween. You’re suppose to dress up as something you’re not. Otherwise it’s not technically a costume.
Quoth Gravekeeper View PostI Don’t Have a Real Costume ( Female Edition ):
So I’ll just dress like a whore!
Quoth Gravekeeper View PostYes I can ruin any holiday. I look forward to ruining Christmas too.What colour is the sky in your world and how high of a dosage do you need before it turns back to blue? --Gravekeeper
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Quoth Gravekeeper View Post... *snip* ...
I can’t really see a plumber casing the joint thinking “Dammit! No one home! YET I MUST HAVE THOSE TAPS! NOTHING ELSE CAN COOL MY SCROTUM.” than jimmying open a window so he can meticulously disconnect your faucets, bag them and replace them with hideous substitutes specifically designed to antagonize you.
Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
TSTST
Serious cases of TSTST on the Skytrain tonight. If you’ve never heard the term before, don’t worry, that’s because I invented it so it mainly only exists in my head. I’m sure you’ll recognize it though: TSTST ( Too Straight To Sit Together ). This is when 8 guys get on the Skytrain and immediately take up 16 seats because sitting next to each other would somehow imply they're gay lovers. If you’re that terrified that brushing your knee against your friend’s knee by accident is somehow going to forever change your relationship there’s probably deeper issues at heart to begin with. I mean we all know every guy is just brief thigh contact away from penis fencing. I know I am.Be a winner today: Pick a fight with a 4 year old.
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Quoth Gravekeeper View PostWell of course, but I'm a bitter, apathetic shell of a human being and the best scenario is very far down on my list.
Quoth Gravekeeper View PostI was just bemused by the fact her response was "NO PHONE!" than when I pointed out no phone, no pants, she gave me her phone number.
"The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is Still A Customer."
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FRAIL.
Quoth Gravekeeper View PostHorrible Things I've Said To My Coworkers
( Madonna was playing in town this week and the paper had the headline "Like a 50 Year Old Virgin" on the front. )
CW picks up paper.
CW: "Like a 50 Year Old Virgin?"
Me: "Like peeling open a warm 50 year old grilled cheese sandwich maybe."
CW: ".....aw....awww...ugggggHHH oh GOD WHY?!"
I know it isn't work - but the number of times we pull that line from the vault with regard to our 68yo deputy principal-slash-"dean of the arts" at school... is astonishing. It never fails to get the reaction you describe, either.
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