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It seems as though lately I've attracted a certan kind of nitpicky SC that annoy me to no end...
Brother, I can't spare a dime
This call started off the same way many of suckiest calls do:
"Why is my bill SO HIGH?!"
Usually these calls follow a set sequence: Customer wants explanation of their bill, I explain the charges and break down the math, customer states that "wasn't what they were told" or insists that my math is wrong and demand credits.
This call followed the same sequence.
But here's the overwhelmingly stupid part about it: This guy was pissed off over 63 CENTS.
You see, he was allegedly told by some numbuts coworker of mine who of course didn't note the account that his bill would be EXACTLY $112.13. Of course the actual total was $112.76. Now, most people wouldn't give two spits about such a small amount of money, but not this guy.
So I apologize to him and break down the charges. He starts ranting on and on about the guy who told him the earlier amount and he worked his budget AROUND that specific amount.
There's a very good reason we ARE NOT suppose to give customers "To the penny" bill guarantees and this call is a great example of why. Taxes and fee charges can vary depending on laws, jurisdiction and other cirumstances. Bills can also fluctuate due to device upgrades, app purchases, etc, etc.
Finally my manager tells me just credit the guy the 0.63 and be done with it, so I tell him this and the guy is still mad. Now he wants his 63 cents AND $20 more because of "all the trouble" we've caused him.
That would be a big fat no. So he asked for my manager, who very generously offered to double the original credit to $1.26. Guy said no, cussed him out and hung up.
All of that effort and he NEVER EVEN GOT HIS 63 CENTS.
Fifty Shades of Blue
Lady wants to get a case for her iphone 7. She's found the perfect one. She tells me she was on the <Red Checkmark> site and has decided she "wants the blue one."
So I spend the next fifteen minutes trolling around the site trying to find the one she is talking about. Dark Blue? Nope, not it. Sky blue? Nope. Green/Blue? Negative. I even found one in a cool looking color called Ocean Blue but apparently that wasn't the right one either. At this point I asked why she hadn't ordered it online herself and she replied with:
"Well, that's what you people are here for!"
So we spent another few minutes hunting for all manner of blues before she finally got upset at my supposed incompetence and demanded a manager, a manager she was certain would know why kind of blue she meant.
Spoiler alert: He didn't.
I was tempted to send her a bright red one out of spite, but then thought better of myself.
The wrong kind of cord
Everyone who owns a phone knows there are various chargers you can use with it. Some work well, some work okay and some don't work at all. Unlike my last customer this dude had already ordered his product, but he was swearing up and down it was the wrong one. I kept getting this repeatedly:
SC: It's not the right one, it's not the right one. I NEED the right one.
So I look at his invoice and the item listed matches the item he ordered online. I even cross referenced the item number with our inventory database. According to our records he had the right one. Now, the warehouse screws up sometimes, I get that. So I tell him to take it back to the store so they can visually confirm he has the right charger.
Of course that's no good. He's X number of client meetings today and has no time to go to a store and could I please just order him the right one?
Me: Okay, which one?
SC: The right one, the right one!
Me: According to our systems you received the correct product. I can process an exchange and order you another one but there's a good chance it will be the same as what you have.
SC: I have the WRONG ONE. Why is this so hard to understand?
Me: Yes, but again sir, the system says the product sent was the correct one. It may be wrong but I can't SEE IT to tell for sure.
SC: Okay, can I send you a picture of it?
Me: I'm afraid our systems don't allow for that.
(Sidenote: I used to be cool with customers doing this until I realized their penchant for taking horrible, grainy, out of focus photos that solve absolutely nothing)
Me: Besides, it's very difficult to identify a phone charge cable from a single image. If you want to guarantee you get the right one, you'll have to take the cable and the packaging back the store and they can--
SC: Wait, wait, wait. Packaging? I need the packaging?
Me: Yes, sir. You still have it right?
SC: ...No...I...I threw it away earlier.
Me: That will complicate things. I believe the store may still be able to help you with a direct exchange, but a refund will be out of the question.
SC: So you're refusing to send me one?
Me: No, I'm simply saying that I can't guarantee if I send one that it will be the right one and I don't want you to any more issues with this.
SC: Thanks for nothing. *CLICK*
Can't say I wasn't warned
This lady was one of those ones who, right out of the gate was a little ornery. You know the type, the one that gets your SC alarms ringing full blast before you've even gotten a "how can I help you?" out.
So as I was listening to her seemingly endless rant, I noticed the following note on the account:
ALERT: THIS LADY YELLS A LOT AND THEN HANGS UP.
Take one guess how that call ended.
Duly NOT noted
I'm convinced there are only a small percentage of <red checkmark> reps who are competent enough with the English language to string a few sentences together. The following are, in full, actual notes I've seen on accounts over the past month or so:
CUSTOMER CALLED IN (and???)
SPOKE TO CUSTOMER ABOUT PLAN (and???)
TALKED TO MRS JONES (about???)
SPOKE TO NANCY ABOUT BROKE PHONE. FIXED PHONE. EOC (Okay, these are passable. EOC, by the way is a common shortform for "end of call". My main complaint with these is the complete lack of detail about WHY it wasn't working and WHAT was done to fix it. I guess we just hope she never calls in with this problem again).
EDU CUST STOR (yeah, I got nothing)
TALKED TO EDGAR TOLD HIM TOLD HIM (what what???)
CUST ASKED ABOUT BILL. BILL GOOD. (Frank, on the other hand, had a very bad day)
CUST SAID PHONE WAS BAD. TOLD HIM TO GET NEW PHONE. EOC. (unassailable logic I tell you)
Of course ths doesn't include the many, many accounts that have NO NOTES WHATSOEVER. My manager is seriously up my ass if I forget something so basic as to note an account. How these other morons get away with it, I have no clue.
The Sloth man cometh
This guy may or may not have been an SC. He may have just had a speech disability. You see, he......talked.....very....slowly....the.....whole .....entire......time. If you've seen the Sloth from Zootopia you know what I mean.
Now if he had a disability okay, I'm not going to attack anyone for such a thing. That said, maybe it might be a good idea when making a customer service call to have someone with you who can talk at a normal pace or at the very minimum you should let the rep know you have an impediment that causes you to talk slowly. I can work with that.
That said, I'm kind of leaning towards SC because I picked up a lot of condescension in his tone.
Brother, I can't spare a dime
This call started off the same way many of suckiest calls do:
"Why is my bill SO HIGH?!"
Usually these calls follow a set sequence: Customer wants explanation of their bill, I explain the charges and break down the math, customer states that "wasn't what they were told" or insists that my math is wrong and demand credits.
This call followed the same sequence.
But here's the overwhelmingly stupid part about it: This guy was pissed off over 63 CENTS.
You see, he was allegedly told by some numbuts coworker of mine who of course didn't note the account that his bill would be EXACTLY $112.13. Of course the actual total was $112.76. Now, most people wouldn't give two spits about such a small amount of money, but not this guy.
So I apologize to him and break down the charges. He starts ranting on and on about the guy who told him the earlier amount and he worked his budget AROUND that specific amount.
There's a very good reason we ARE NOT suppose to give customers "To the penny" bill guarantees and this call is a great example of why. Taxes and fee charges can vary depending on laws, jurisdiction and other cirumstances. Bills can also fluctuate due to device upgrades, app purchases, etc, etc.
Finally my manager tells me just credit the guy the 0.63 and be done with it, so I tell him this and the guy is still mad. Now he wants his 63 cents AND $20 more because of "all the trouble" we've caused him.
That would be a big fat no. So he asked for my manager, who very generously offered to double the original credit to $1.26. Guy said no, cussed him out and hung up.
All of that effort and he NEVER EVEN GOT HIS 63 CENTS.
Fifty Shades of Blue
Lady wants to get a case for her iphone 7. She's found the perfect one. She tells me she was on the <Red Checkmark> site and has decided she "wants the blue one."
So I spend the next fifteen minutes trolling around the site trying to find the one she is talking about. Dark Blue? Nope, not it. Sky blue? Nope. Green/Blue? Negative. I even found one in a cool looking color called Ocean Blue but apparently that wasn't the right one either. At this point I asked why she hadn't ordered it online herself and she replied with:
"Well, that's what you people are here for!"
So we spent another few minutes hunting for all manner of blues before she finally got upset at my supposed incompetence and demanded a manager, a manager she was certain would know why kind of blue she meant.
Spoiler alert: He didn't.
I was tempted to send her a bright red one out of spite, but then thought better of myself.
The wrong kind of cord
Everyone who owns a phone knows there are various chargers you can use with it. Some work well, some work okay and some don't work at all. Unlike my last customer this dude had already ordered his product, but he was swearing up and down it was the wrong one. I kept getting this repeatedly:
SC: It's not the right one, it's not the right one. I NEED the right one.
So I look at his invoice and the item listed matches the item he ordered online. I even cross referenced the item number with our inventory database. According to our records he had the right one. Now, the warehouse screws up sometimes, I get that. So I tell him to take it back to the store so they can visually confirm he has the right charger.
Of course that's no good. He's X number of client meetings today and has no time to go to a store and could I please just order him the right one?
Me: Okay, which one?
SC: The right one, the right one!
Me: According to our systems you received the correct product. I can process an exchange and order you another one but there's a good chance it will be the same as what you have.
SC: I have the WRONG ONE. Why is this so hard to understand?
Me: Yes, but again sir, the system says the product sent was the correct one. It may be wrong but I can't SEE IT to tell for sure.
SC: Okay, can I send you a picture of it?
Me: I'm afraid our systems don't allow for that.
(Sidenote: I used to be cool with customers doing this until I realized their penchant for taking horrible, grainy, out of focus photos that solve absolutely nothing)
Me: Besides, it's very difficult to identify a phone charge cable from a single image. If you want to guarantee you get the right one, you'll have to take the cable and the packaging back the store and they can--
SC: Wait, wait, wait. Packaging? I need the packaging?
Me: Yes, sir. You still have it right?
SC: ...No...I...I threw it away earlier.
Me: That will complicate things. I believe the store may still be able to help you with a direct exchange, but a refund will be out of the question.
SC: So you're refusing to send me one?
Me: No, I'm simply saying that I can't guarantee if I send one that it will be the right one and I don't want you to any more issues with this.
SC: Thanks for nothing. *CLICK*
Can't say I wasn't warned
This lady was one of those ones who, right out of the gate was a little ornery. You know the type, the one that gets your SC alarms ringing full blast before you've even gotten a "how can I help you?" out.
So as I was listening to her seemingly endless rant, I noticed the following note on the account:
ALERT: THIS LADY YELLS A LOT AND THEN HANGS UP.
Take one guess how that call ended.
Duly NOT noted
I'm convinced there are only a small percentage of <red checkmark> reps who are competent enough with the English language to string a few sentences together. The following are, in full, actual notes I've seen on accounts over the past month or so:
CUSTOMER CALLED IN (and???)
SPOKE TO CUSTOMER ABOUT PLAN (and???)
TALKED TO MRS JONES (about???)
SPOKE TO NANCY ABOUT BROKE PHONE. FIXED PHONE. EOC (Okay, these are passable. EOC, by the way is a common shortform for "end of call". My main complaint with these is the complete lack of detail about WHY it wasn't working and WHAT was done to fix it. I guess we just hope she never calls in with this problem again).
EDU CUST STOR (yeah, I got nothing)
TALKED TO EDGAR TOLD HIM TOLD HIM (what what???)
CUST ASKED ABOUT BILL. BILL GOOD. (Frank, on the other hand, had a very bad day)
CUST SAID PHONE WAS BAD. TOLD HIM TO GET NEW PHONE. EOC. (unassailable logic I tell you)
Of course ths doesn't include the many, many accounts that have NO NOTES WHATSOEVER. My manager is seriously up my ass if I forget something so basic as to note an account. How these other morons get away with it, I have no clue.
The Sloth man cometh
This guy may or may not have been an SC. He may have just had a speech disability. You see, he......talked.....very....slowly....the.....whole .....entire......time. If you've seen the Sloth from Zootopia you know what I mean.
Now if he had a disability okay, I'm not going to attack anyone for such a thing. That said, maybe it might be a good idea when making a customer service call to have someone with you who can talk at a normal pace or at the very minimum you should let the rep know you have an impediment that causes you to talk slowly. I can work with that.
That said, I'm kind of leaning towards SC because I picked up a lot of condescension in his tone.
doesn't even begin to cover it.
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