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Here at Pit of Despair Manufacturing, Inc. (a wholly-owned subsidiary of Soul-Corroding Pit of Hell, Inc.), due to the nature of what we manufacture, we all have to wear protective equipment. This is to keep our disgusting, oily employee bodies from coming in contact with the manufactured parts, and our equipment includes hair and beard nets, shoe covers, gloves, and lab gowns.
This week, people have been breaking out in rashes from the gowns. Naturally, rumors have been flying all over the factory, but never fear -- management is here and on the ball! They sent out an email, much printed and reproduced, and strung in festive holiday garlands all throughout the break rooms and offices, to reassure us that:
-- it is NOT biological
-- it is NOT contagious
...but most importantly...
-- it did NOT affect the parts in any way.
Whew! What a load off my mind! I would hate to think that as my skin was blistering and peeling off that my hideous fluids might have contaminated the parts! Had I ruined a part I would have had to gut myself from the utter shame of it all.
And rightly so. But again, nothing like that occurred, and so we all go about our days for the moment wearing disposable paper gowns that bunch and don't fasten right, and have a tendency to catch the drafts and lift up of their own accord, not to mention shred as you do your work and leave little trails of paper flecks in your wake.
They also have a tendency to generate static, which pulls every little particle of filth toward you and onto and into the parts along with the little paper flecks, but we'll not mention that. If they knew, management would cheerfully force us all back into the rash gowns.
All in all, it just warms the heart to know that we all work for a company that cares about us so conscientiously.
This week, people have been breaking out in rashes from the gowns. Naturally, rumors have been flying all over the factory, but never fear -- management is here and on the ball! They sent out an email, much printed and reproduced, and strung in festive holiday garlands all throughout the break rooms and offices, to reassure us that:
-- it is NOT biological
-- it is NOT contagious
...but most importantly...
-- it did NOT affect the parts in any way.
Whew! What a load off my mind! I would hate to think that as my skin was blistering and peeling off that my hideous fluids might have contaminated the parts! Had I ruined a part I would have had to gut myself from the utter shame of it all.
And rightly so. But again, nothing like that occurred, and so we all go about our days for the moment wearing disposable paper gowns that bunch and don't fasten right, and have a tendency to catch the drafts and lift up of their own accord, not to mention shred as you do your work and leave little trails of paper flecks in your wake.
They also have a tendency to generate static, which pulls every little particle of filth toward you and onto and into the parts along with the little paper flecks, but we'll not mention that. If they knew, management would cheerfully force us all back into the rash gowns.
All in all, it just warms the heart to know that we all work for a company that cares about us so conscientiously.
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