Today's shift's hiccups.
Couple of Two.
This seat please . What's that? You want the next seat down? No, I insist you take the seat I was asked to take you to. Oh, so you move past me even though your understanding husband is being the reasonable voice instead of a pretentious snob. Why did you want to move? It's too noisy is it? IT'S FUCKING ONE O CLOCK ON A RAINY DAY. THERE'S ONLY ONE GUY EATING IN THE BOOTH AHEAD OF YOU AND THERE'S NO ONE IN THE BOOTH BEHIND YOU. YOU CAN HEAR A FUCKING ANT DIE ON A DAY LIKE THIS
Family of Five
This table please . What's that? You want to move? To a booth? I'm sorry, we can only fit four people in a booth, and I'd hate for all the food you order to take up what precious little room you have left. Oh, you would like the large table with the lazy susan that is supposed to be for 6 to 8 people? No, I insist you take this seat I was asked to take you to. Look lady, how about you listen to your daughter who is thinking rationally and not acting like a high class assface? Excuse me. (Co-worker comes up). Actually my manager says you can have the large table, even though it'll be a total waste and bitch to clean just for five people. Have a nice day, and fuck you too.
Bonus (same people):
Hello, what drinks can I get you today? A drinks list? Yes here you go. I'm sorry if our normal drinks are included in our drinks list which is also called the wine list, but you'll have to figure that out yourselves. Lime juice? I'm sorry, we don't have that and it sounds awfully unpleasant to drink. Let me repeat that VERY simple question, WHAT. WOULD. YOU. LIKE. TO. DRINK? Water without ice? Suuuurrre (insert extremely dry and sarcastic tone here).
La La La
Here you go. What's that? It's a bit cold? Sure, let me change it to room temp water.
La La La
Here you go. What's that? It's still a bit cold? Oh, you wanted it to be half warm water and half BOILING water? WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO BITCH!?
Couple of Two.
This seat please . What's that? You want the next seat down? No, I insist you take the seat I was asked to take you to. Oh, so you move past me even though your understanding husband is being the reasonable voice instead of a pretentious snob. Why did you want to move? It's too noisy is it? IT'S FUCKING ONE O CLOCK ON A RAINY DAY. THERE'S ONLY ONE GUY EATING IN THE BOOTH AHEAD OF YOU AND THERE'S NO ONE IN THE BOOTH BEHIND YOU. YOU CAN HEAR A FUCKING ANT DIE ON A DAY LIKE THIS
Family of Five
This table please . What's that? You want to move? To a booth? I'm sorry, we can only fit four people in a booth, and I'd hate for all the food you order to take up what precious little room you have left. Oh, you would like the large table with the lazy susan that is supposed to be for 6 to 8 people? No, I insist you take this seat I was asked to take you to. Look lady, how about you listen to your daughter who is thinking rationally and not acting like a high class assface? Excuse me. (Co-worker comes up). Actually my manager says you can have the large table, even though it'll be a total waste and bitch to clean just for five people. Have a nice day, and fuck you too.
Bonus (same people):
Hello, what drinks can I get you today? A drinks list? Yes here you go. I'm sorry if our normal drinks are included in our drinks list which is also called the wine list, but you'll have to figure that out yourselves. Lime juice? I'm sorry, we don't have that and it sounds awfully unpleasant to drink. Let me repeat that VERY simple question, WHAT. WOULD. YOU. LIKE. TO. DRINK? Water without ice? Suuuurrre (insert extremely dry and sarcastic tone here).
La La La
Here you go. What's that? It's a bit cold? Sure, let me change it to room temp water.
La La La
Here you go. What's that? It's still a bit cold? Oh, you wanted it to be half warm water and half BOILING water? WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO BITCH!?
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