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Deep Thoughts with Dark Corner DSS (plus bonus dumpster diving!)

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  • Deep Thoughts with Dark Corner DSS (plus bonus dumpster diving!)

    Discussion question 1:

    Is it ever appropriate to wear a Strawberry Shortcake wig to court? And by "Strawberry Shortcake wig" I mean a pearlescent pink, strawberry-scented, pageboy bob wig. One of our moms thought it was an absolutely dashing fashion accessory.

    Discuss.

    Discussion question 2:

    Is it ever appropriate, if you think the street sign at the entrance to your trailer park is misspelled, to correct the errant letter with a piece of tape and the correct (in your view) letter written on it in magic marker?

    Discuss.

    Tips for better living:

    Tip 1: If you must keep a llama, for God's sake don't let it run loose in the trailer park, and for Goddess' sake don't let the damn thing run loose in the trailer park and bite children.

    Tip 2: If the CPS investigator and the sheriff's department have blockaded the entrance to the trailer park because they have credible claims that pretty much everybody in the trailer park is on drugs, you're going to go and get the drug screen. It's going to happen. Period. That's why they brought the vans.

    Tip 3: Yes, you did protest about going to get the drug screen. You protested mightily. But you tested positive, along with almost all of your neighbors. Be nice to the foster care workers. They are the gatekeeper between you and your children unless and until a judge says otherwise.

    ...And now it's time for Dumpster Diving with DSS!

    Dark Corner County DSS is located extremely close to an extremely downmarket "department store." It's the sort of store whose customers eschew Wal-Mart for being a place where only fancy, citified people shop. This store is so close that whenever the DSS workers troop outside en masse to smoke, they can mosey on over to the store's dumpster and check out what's been pitched lately. If it's something really good, we're not above fetching it and giving it a home. The tale of the case of Twinkies is legendary because of the Very Important Person who was gifted a dumpster Twinkie, but it was before my time. Since I've been there though, we've liberated a case of tropical fruit-flavored Skittles, a case of paper towels, brooms and cleaning supplies, scented candles, and, last week, two cases of those little candy Valentine's hearts -- the ones made of compressed chalk dust with the little sayings printed on them.

    They're delicious. My office mate and I go through at least three boxes a day.
    Drive it like it's a county car.

  • #2
    At work *and* on break you get the pick of the finest trash to be found.
    I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
    Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
    Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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    • #3
      Discussion Question 1: Hmm. No. A wig such as you describe is more suitable for a fancy dress dinner (that is, a dinner where everyone partaking IS dressed). The strawberry fragrance is far too frivolous for the serious atmosphere of a courtroom.

      Discussion Question 2: No. The proper procedure is to remove the sign entirely and replace it with a sign made from washable marker and construction paper. Lined notebook paper is also acceptable, but the marker MUST be washable. You get bonus points if you put up your new, improved sign while it's actually raining.
      You're only delaying the inevitable, you run at your own expense. The repo man gets paid to chase you. ~Argabarga

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      • #4
        Well this post is a lot more lighthearted than I was expecting!

        Random, about discussion point 2... So the street I grew up on was named the same as my last name, my family homesteaded the area, blah blah. This guy bought some property, cut all the trees down, and built a house. This sounds petty, but we all hated him because he just cut the trees to sell. That's the only reason, he told people. This area was heavily wooded, so his clear cut property was ridiculous. Anyway, when he was building the house he spray painted a piece of plywood with his house address. He spelled it wrong. This is my name, and it bothered me every time I saw it. I thought about stealing that sign quite a lot, but it was too big and I was lazy. End of boring story. So I suppose I would say that I can understand resorting to magic marker to "fix" a sign. It's not a good thing, but I can see it.
        Replace anger management with stupidity management.

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