Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

How men & women shower differently

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • How men & women shower differently

    How to Shower Like A Woman:

    Take off clothes and place them in sectioned laundry basket according to
    lights and darks.

    Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

    If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

    Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do
    more
    sit-ups/leg-lifts etc.

    Get in the shower.

    Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and
    pumice
    stone.

    Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
    vitamins.

    Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

    Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

    Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
    red.

    Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

    Rinse conditioner off hair.

    Shave armpits and legs.

    Turn off shower.

    Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

    Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.

    Get out of shower.

    Dry with towel the size of a small country.

    Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

    Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

    If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.



    How to Shower Like A Man:

    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in
    a
    pile.

    Walk naked to the bathroom.

    If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo'
    sound.

    Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

    Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.

    Get in the shower.

    Wash your face.

    Wash your armpits.

    Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

    Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

    Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

    Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

    Wash your hair.

    Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

    Wee in big circles and watch it go down the plughole.

    Rinse off and get out of shower.

    Partially dry off.

    Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath
    the
    whole time.

    Admire willy size in mirror again.

    Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

    Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

    If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make
    the'woo-woo'
    sound again.

    Throw wet towel on bed.

    I ride the time, it unfolds a new day,
    another time, this world would fade away
    To find true love, is like no other joy,
    our choice is here
    be happy for today

  • #2
    I liked that one!
    Sometimes life is altered.
    Break from the ropes your hands are tied.
    Uneasy with confrontation.
    Won't turn out right. Can't turn out right

    Comment


    • #3
      That's hilarious

      Of course, this is my usual routine when getting into the shower:

      Take off clothes and dump them in hamper right outside bathroom door.

      Grab large towel big enough for a circus tent and toss over shower curtain bar

      Get into tub, pull curtain closed

      Turn on water, adjust temp

      Grab body pouf, pour bodywash onto it and scrub down

      Shave armpits and legs

      Wash hair twice to get all the hairpsray and hairgel out

      Cut off water, dry off and wrap hair in same towel

      Get out of tub, get fresh towel and put over commode lid (even though it already has a hat)

      Towel dry hair, spray in conditioner and comb through

      Wet face with washcloth, clean face with acne scrub and then apply mudd masque

      Let mudd masque dry while drying hair with dryer

      Remove mudd masque with wet washcloth, apply moisturizer and put on fresh pajamas

      Brush teeth and go to bed.

      Maybe 20 minutes at the most.
      Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

      Comment


      • #4
        Hey! Whose been watching my hubby shower?

        How to shower like NightAngel:

        Take off clothes in bathroom- throw on floor in corner.

        Turn on the shower hot enough to make most people run screaming, "IT BURNS! IT BURNS!"

        Get in- pull shower curtain shut.

        Let uber hot water relax back and leg muscles.

        Sigh loudly and contentedly.

        Wash hair- once. Rinse.

        Condition hair- once. Rinse.

        Use washrag or body puff with soap to scrub body. Rinse.

        Shave legs/armpits if going to beach the next day or if it's been over a week.

        Turn off water- get out of shower- dry off.

        Wrap body in towel- grab clothes off floor and take to bedroom- throw in the laundry basket.
        Addendum: Next morning there is the fantic hunt for the bra because somehow it never winds up where I think I left it.

        Flash husband only if there are definately no children around.
        Addendum: Defend against inevitable boob squeeze as direct result of flashing.

        Put on pjs, brush teeth, go to bed.
        Addendum: Defend against inevitable boob squeeze as direct result of earlier flashing still being fresh in hubby's mind.

        "I don't want any part of your crazy cult! I'm already a member of the public library and that's good enough for me, thanks!"

        ~TechSmith 314
        HellGate: London

        Comment


        • #5
          What is this puff/wash-rag non-sense? Gotta use your hands!

          1. Throw clothes in hamper.

          2. Adjust temperature of water depending on type of day I had.

          3. Use a 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner. Rinse.

          4. Grab bodywash/soap, rub all over body. Rinse.

          5. Dry off.

          Now that's simple.
          "I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask." - House

          Comment


          • #6
            Mine's even simpler man....

            1. Wake up at 6 am, even if my shift isn't till 1.....run through sprinklers naked, using body wash, go to bed.

            Comment


            • #7
              I've got it much more complicated for me.

              1. Unhook self from finished IV
              2. Enter bathroom with gauze pad and a change of clothes.
              3. Shut bathroom door and place items on counter.
              4. Undress self, discard used gauze pad from feeding tube, and use toilet.
              5. Wash hands.
              6. Make sure iPod is plugged into iPod charger/speaker, turn on iPod and speaker and sing along with whatever song is playing.
              7. Turn on the water until it's steaming hot.
              8. Put plug in drain and step into tub.
              9. Lean against left side so that bandage and catheter on right side doesn't get too wet.
              10. Turn off water.
              11. Put washcloth and soap in water.
              12. Rub soap in washcloth and use soapy washcloth to wash body. Take care of various tubes on body.
              13. Dip washcloth back in water and wring every bit of moisture out of cloth. Hang to dry.
              14. Rinse body with rinse bucket. Which in reality is actually an old Chinese take-out sweet and sour soup container. Then depending on what day it is, shave legs and armpits.
              15. Lay down to wash hair, but lay down on left side to avoid getting bandage on right side wet.
              16. Wet hair by dipping head in water. Put on shampoo and relax for a few minutes. Rinse out shampoo by dipping head in water and running fingers through hair.
              17. Repeat using conditioner.
              18. Take plug out of drain and just lay in tub until water is gone.
              19. Get out of tub, take towel from rack, and dry self.
              20. Use toilet and wash hands.
              21. Comb hair in mirror.
              22. Put new gauze pad around feeding tube.
              23. Dress in change of clothes. Usually pajamas.
              24. Hang up towel.
              25. Put on glasses and hearing aids.
              26. Turn off iPod and speaker. Put used clothes in hamper seperating them by whites and colors.
              27. Put on hand lotion.
              28. Microwave dinner and eat it while watching cops.
              29. Put dishes in dishwasher and turn off tv.
              30. Prepare IV and hook self up.
              31. Use toilet and wash hands.
              32. Go to bed.
              33. Wake up, use toilet and wash hands.
              34. Curse damned ostomy for making you go to the bathroom every 45 minutes.

              Just a normal night for me.
              "But I don't want to be among mad people."
              You can't help that. We're all mad here. Every fucking one of us.

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth Greenday View Post
                What is this puff/wash-rag non-sense? Gotta use your hands!
                My hubby thought the same thing until he met me. I don't even remember now why we were talking about it but I told him that he should try the body puff just once 'cause it feels really good. He rolled his eyes at me but agreed just once.

                He was surprised to find out that the scrubby thing really DOES feel good. I don't think he uses it every time but he has his own now.
                "I don't want any part of your crazy cult! I'm already a member of the public library and that's good enough for me, thanks!"

                ~TechSmith 314
                HellGate: London

                Comment


                • #9
                  Pfft. Soap? Talk about adding an unnecessary extra step! You just use the extra shampoo foam after you've lathered your hair!
                  Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.

                  http://unrelatedcaptions.com/45147

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth NightAngel View Post
                    Addendum: Next morning there is the fantic hunt for the bra because somehow it never winds up where I think I left it.
                    Ooh, you have bra pixies. They like to move it around after you put it in your usual place to wait to be equipped again.

                    You have it lucky though. My SO and I have two sets of bra pixies to deal with.
                    Last edited by Kara; 08-18-2007, 07:40 PM.
                    "You are loved" - Plaidman.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Aw, heck, might as well join in.

                      How to shower, the Kara way

                      You will need: 2 towels, washcloths/poufs, 1 caged animal, and another woman.

                      - Walk into bathroom.
                      - Pet poor pitiful bunny who thinks she's neglected. Receive bunny kisses, then tell her that's enough and close her cage. Bunny stomps feet (our bathroom is fairly large, and there didn't really seem like a better place to put her in the house).
                      - Remove clothing and toss in hamper.
                      - Turn on shower.
                      - Step in and begin to wash hair with shampoo/conditioner.
                      - Wash body.
                      - Trade places with SO and let her wash her hair.
                      - SO complains that the water is too hot, then washes her hair.
                      - She will proceed to wash her body, enjoy while shaving pits/legs/bikini zone as needed.
                      - Trade places again, grab her butt as you pass.
                      - Rinse excess shave gel and hair while she shaves pits/legs/bikini zone as necessary.
                      - Step out and wrap in towel.
                      - SO turns off shower, wrap her in towel.
                      - Put on underwear, brush hair/teeth.
                      - Go to bedroom and get dressed for bed (or for the day, if it's a morning shower).
                      Last edited by Kara; 08-18-2007, 08:24 PM.
                      "You are loved" - Plaidman.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I know I started you guys off on the sharing of your bathroom habits - but I think i've learnt far more than I needed to about my fellow members!
                        I ride the time, it unfolds a new day,
                        another time, this world would fade away
                        To find true love, is like no other joy,
                        our choice is here
                        be happy for today

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Actually, I enjoyed reading other people's bathroom habits, it's quite enlightening.

                          I suppose I just have to chime in, so here's TPG's daily routine.

                          Wake up at 7 PM when alarm goes off and hit it so hard I knock it off the nightstand. Cuss to self.

                          Push one cat off my feet, push other cat off my face or my stomach or wherever he's passed out.

                          Stumble bleary eyed into bathroom, turn on stereo. Use toilet, take down hair and comb thoroughly.

                          Turn up stereo and dance naked in front of full length mirror for at least ten minutes. (I've been doing this since I was 3 years old. It's one of my favorite pastimes.) Giggle at how silly I look.

                          Pull bathmat off curtain rod where it was hung to dry after yesterday's shower, lay on floor. Turn on water and jump in.

                          Apply anti-dandruff shampoo, leave in for several minutes to soak into scalp. Scrub skin down, wash face, shave. Rinse shampoo out.

                          Jump out of shower, bend over so dripping hair is still over bathtub, wrap hair several times around hands and squeeze out excess water. Wrap handmade twisty turban around hair, fold hair ends up into it, and secure at nape of neck.

                          brush teeth, floss, and use mouthwash, moisturizer and q-tips (I'm addicted to q-tips). remove turban, spray on conditioner, comb hair and put in Princess Leia buns or Little-House-On-The-Prairie braids.

                          Turn up stereo again and and dance naked in front of full length mirror for ten minutes before making breakfast in the buff. Get dressed at 9:20 PM and leave for work.
                          Because as we all know, on the Internet all men are men, all women are men and all children are FBI agents.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            1. Enter bathroom carrying shorts, shirt, underwear, clean bra.

                            2. Chase cat out of bathroom.

                            3. Place clothes on cabinet shelf.

                            4. Choose two towels-one thin ratty one for hair, one big thick one for body. Hang on cabinet door. Choose washrag if neither towel comes with one, hang on shower rod.

                            5. Remove clothes, toss in corner.

                            6. Chase cat out of bathroom. Lock door this time.

                            7. Practice promo skills in mirror for five minutes, or until bored.

                            8. Enter shower.

                            9. Adjust temperature depending on time of year, set shower head to "mist", sit in floor under mist and meditate a while.

                            10. Wake up when leg falls asleep, stretch it out a while until the pain goes away.

                            11. Stand up, set shower head to "shower" and re-wet hair.

                            12. Wash once, repeat if displeased with the amount of suds generated.

                            13. Apply conditioner, shave whatever needs it, if nothing needs it, cut another two-minute promo.

                            14. Rinse conditioner, pulling out loose hair as necessary.

                            15. Rinse off shower walls to rinse any misplaced hairs to the drain.

                            16. Turn off shower, reach out and grab hair towel, wrap hair.

                            17. Clean hair out of drain.

                            18. Take body towel, dry off upper body.

                            19. Apply deoderant.

                            20. Stare at mirror, debate getting boob job.

                            21. Use toilet, read magazine until lower body drip dries. Clean as necessary.

                            22. Step on scale, muse on why weight fluctuates 30 pounds depending on how deep a breath I take.

                            23. Get dressed.

                            24. Step on scale again, just to be sure.

                            25. Either let hair air dry or iron it straight depending on mood.
                            "Maybe the problem just went away...maybe it was the magical sniper fairy that comes and gives silenced hollow point rounds to people who don't eat their vegetables."

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Wow, Mysty, what do you do with the other 4 hours of the day that you have left after your shower?
                              "I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask." - House

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X