Tweet
Memo 1:
To: The dumb lady
Re: The fact that you called, yelled at me for a full minute about the fact that you were in *City A* having some sort of SUPAH FAMOUS state-wide sports tournament and staying in hotels and buying food and other things and therefore you were spending money on OUR community and we should cover the g-d event because you are spending SOOO much money and you deserve coverage for your sport since you are pumping SOOOOOOO MUCH MONEY into our community and we aren't putting coverage in our paper about your GLORIOUS EVENT blah blah blah rabid rabid foam.
When I then pointed out, quite correctly, that A) no one ever told us about this tournament in the first place so we COULD cover it, B) it's obviously not so famous if we didn't know about it anyway, C) you haven't even told me what sport you're playing, and D) you flat out said you were in *City A* and we are in *City B* about thirty miles away, so no, you actually are NOT putting any of your money into our community...well, then you just hung up on me.
Seeing as how you didn't provide me any details save there is some sporting event of some kind happening in a city 30 miles away at some point in time and further, you were a raving bitch...yeah, um, I'm not gonna be telling the sports desk with any sense of urgency. I'd say sorry, but, like, I'm totally not, 'kay?
Memo 2:
To: The Entitlement ASSWHORE
Re: That you were an asshole who got all huffy that a reporter had the gall to not be sitting in the office with bated breath waiting for you to call and actually is at home and probably ASLEEP, rather than coming in seven hours early for his shift to talk to you. And that you got all pissy because you had to leave a message because the guy who has been here two whole days doesn't even have his own DESK yet, let alone a voicemail. Hey, if either of us should be bitching, it should be me. I actually have to do the writing here, you just have to talk.
Memo 3:
To: To The Non-Thinker
Re: That when I say "We haven't even received that notification" you can rest pretty well assured that means it has not been in the paper. Just trust me on this one.
Memo 4:
To: Moron Non-Reader (obviously)
Re: That you called me at 7-fucking-30 in the morning to complain about there not being a certain puzzle in the paper today. Claimed you were a subscriber for "decades." When it was politely pointed out to you that the certain puzzle has been a Wednesday-only puzzle pretty much since the 80's, proceeded to shit your pants. Possibly literally. Since you spent so much time yelling at me, though, I had enough time to go online and buy my tickets an area WWE event whilst waiting on the noises to stop. Whoot.
Memo 5:
To: Bitch
Re: When you ask for someone, and I inform you they are in a different department and ask you to please hold while I transfer you, that is NOT your cue to call me a stupid ho and hang up on me.
Memo 6:
To: Downstairs Co-worker
Re: You sending me an e-mail, which comes to me minus the photo that was the whole purpose of the e-mail, then asking me "Why?" when I inform you of this. Remember that I know where you'll be for the next hour or so. I have wrestling tickets and I'm in a good mood. Don't push it.
...well, that's the first 2 1/2 hours of my day. Now to go to lunch.
To: The dumb lady
Re: The fact that you called, yelled at me for a full minute about the fact that you were in *City A* having some sort of SUPAH FAMOUS state-wide sports tournament and staying in hotels and buying food and other things and therefore you were spending money on OUR community and we should cover the g-d event because you are spending SOOO much money and you deserve coverage for your sport since you are pumping SOOOOOOO MUCH MONEY into our community and we aren't putting coverage in our paper about your GLORIOUS EVENT blah blah blah rabid rabid foam.
When I then pointed out, quite correctly, that A) no one ever told us about this tournament in the first place so we COULD cover it, B) it's obviously not so famous if we didn't know about it anyway, C) you haven't even told me what sport you're playing, and D) you flat out said you were in *City A* and we are in *City B* about thirty miles away, so no, you actually are NOT putting any of your money into our community...well, then you just hung up on me.
Seeing as how you didn't provide me any details save there is some sporting event of some kind happening in a city 30 miles away at some point in time and further, you were a raving bitch...yeah, um, I'm not gonna be telling the sports desk with any sense of urgency. I'd say sorry, but, like, I'm totally not, 'kay?
Memo 2:
To: The Entitlement ASSWHORE
Re: That you were an asshole who got all huffy that a reporter had the gall to not be sitting in the office with bated breath waiting for you to call and actually is at home and probably ASLEEP, rather than coming in seven hours early for his shift to talk to you. And that you got all pissy because you had to leave a message because the guy who has been here two whole days doesn't even have his own DESK yet, let alone a voicemail. Hey, if either of us should be bitching, it should be me. I actually have to do the writing here, you just have to talk.
Memo 3:
To: To The Non-Thinker
Re: That when I say "We haven't even received that notification" you can rest pretty well assured that means it has not been in the paper. Just trust me on this one.
Memo 4:
To: Moron Non-Reader (obviously)
Re: That you called me at 7-fucking-30 in the morning to complain about there not being a certain puzzle in the paper today. Claimed you were a subscriber for "decades." When it was politely pointed out to you that the certain puzzle has been a Wednesday-only puzzle pretty much since the 80's, proceeded to shit your pants. Possibly literally. Since you spent so much time yelling at me, though, I had enough time to go online and buy my tickets an area WWE event whilst waiting on the noises to stop. Whoot.
Memo 5:
To: Bitch
Re: When you ask for someone, and I inform you they are in a different department and ask you to please hold while I transfer you, that is NOT your cue to call me a stupid ho and hang up on me.
Memo 6:
To: Downstairs Co-worker
Re: You sending me an e-mail, which comes to me minus the photo that was the whole purpose of the e-mail, then asking me "Why?" when I inform you of this. Remember that I know where you'll be for the next hour or so. I have wrestling tickets and I'm in a good mood. Don't push it.
...well, that's the first 2 1/2 hours of my day. Now to go to lunch.
Comment