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A real groaner that my dad told me ages ago
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Old 12-26-2007, 01:24 AM
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Default A real groaner that my dad told me ages ago

There once was a man who lived in a house that was made entirely of grass. He also liked to collect thrones, which he kept in his attic.

One day, he was coming home with a throne that was particularly big and heavy, and put it up in the attic with the others. Unfortunately, the combined weight of all the thrones was too much for the grass floor of the attic. The floor collapsed, and all the thrones fell on top of him and killed him.

The moral of this story is "People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones."
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Old 12-26-2007, 03:33 PM
DarthRetard DarthRetard is offline
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Whatever happened to that groaner joke thread anyways? I loved that one.

Oh man, I'm telling that oen at work tomorrow. That joke is pretty lame.

  #3  
Old 12-26-2007, 03:58 PM
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Oh good Lord, I actually groaned out loud at that
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Old 12-27-2007, 02:35 AM
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Looks like MadMike is an incorrigible punster. Please don't incorrige him.

  #5  
Old 12-27-2007, 05:01 AM
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Quote:
Quoth wolfie View Post
Looks like MadMike is an incorrigible punster. Please don't incorrige him.
Oh, I'm only getting started.
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Old 12-27-2007, 07:24 PM
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There once was a young man named Hugh who joined his town's Sheriff's department as a new recruit. The others in the department would make him the butt of jokes and give him the worst assignments because he was so young and new. So, of course, when they received reports that a serial killer was terrorizing the town, Hugh was sent to bust litterers while the Sheriff questioned suspects.

Before long, the Sheriff identified a suspect, a homely monk who ran a flower shop at the edge of town- it seemed that all the victims had said something about needing to buy a bouquet before disappearing. The Sheriff visited the flower shop, and no sooner had he knocked on the shop's door than the monk stuck out a poisonous flower through the peephole, the aroma of which killed the Sheriff instantly!

The Sheriff's Deputy was sent to find the Sheriff, and eventually discovered that the Sheriff had been heading to the monk's flower shop when he disappeared. The Deputy made for the flower shop straightaway, where he fell victim to the monk's poisonous flower trick, just as had the Sheriff. The same sad fate befell, one by one, each man in the Sheriff's department save for young Hugh, who was washing the windows in the Sheriff's office.

Finally, when no one else had returned from the day's work, Hugh set out to find his coworkers. By asking around town, he discovered that each missing man had, at some point, mentioned heading to the flower shop. Hugh, not even pausing to change into the uniform he'd replaced with coveralls to wash the windows, marched straight to the monk's shop, knowing full well he had found the killer everyone was talking about.

The monk did not recognize Hugh, new to the department and wearing coveralls, as an officer of the law, and opened the door to the shop to lure Hugh inside rather than offering a poisonous flower immediately. Hugh, pretending to admire a display of orchids, watched in a mirror as the murderous monk crept up behind him with a noxious blossom. He turned, tripped the monk, and arrested him on the spot.

This all goes to show.... Only Hugh can stop Florist Friars!
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Old 12-29-2007, 06:47 AM
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I have more of my dad's horrible jokes to tell, and I was going to put them in their own threads. But since Saydrah took this thread and ran with it (with a real groaner, I might add ), I might as well just put them in this one. Hopefully I'm not so old that our members won't get this one. Do they even still say this on the commercials for Trix cereal anymore? Hell, do they even still make Trix cereal anymore? OK, taking a chance, here goes...


On a remote island known as Tridia, where its inhabitants are known as "Trids", there once was a terrible monster that lived by the edge of a cliff. This monster would kick anyone off the cliff if they were foolish enough to venture too near.

One day, the inhabitants were trying to figure out something to do about the monstor, so they sent one of the Trids to the edge of the cliff to try to talk to it. As soon as he got near, the monster kicked him off the cliff.

The next day, two Trids walked to the edge of the cliff. The monster kicked them off as well.

The next day, three Trids walked to the edge of the cliff. The monster also kicked them off.

The next day, three Trids and a rabbi walked to the edge of the cliff. The monster kicked the Trids off, but not the rabbi.

The rabbi asked the monster, "Why didn't you kick me off?"

The monster replied, "Silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"
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And another one
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Old 12-29-2007, 06:49 AM
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Default And another one

This is the last one of my dad's horrible jokes, I promise. For now, anyway.

A man was walking along the beach, when a foobird flew over him and shit on him. He wiped it off, and died instantly.

The next day, another man was walking along the beach, when a foobird shit on him. He wiped it off, and also died instantly.

The next day, another man was walking along the beach, when a foobird flew over him and shit on him. He didn't wipe it off, and he lived.

About a year later, he decides to finally wipe it off, and when he did, he died instantly.

The moral of this story is, "If the foo shits, wear it."
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  #9  
Old 01-13-2008, 09:15 AM
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Quote:
Quoth MadMike View Post
The moral of this story is "People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones."
You know, I've heard the punchline for this several times, but have never heard the build-up. Thank you.

I love puns. More, more!


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[runs and hides from the oncoming mob...]
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  #10  
Old 01-16-2008, 02:53 PM
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There once was a woman who gave birth to twin boys. She gave the boys up for adoption. One was adopted by a family from Spain and named Juan. The other was adopted by a family in Egypt and named Amal. The boys grew up and Juan sent his birth mother a picture of himself. The mother loved the picture but told her husband that she wished her other son would send a picture of himself, too. The husband told his wife, "But they're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
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