In Which It All Becomes Unbearable...

[Kara]

Today I found out my paychecks are being garnished for child support. I didn't even realize it before now. My checks are put in my account electronically, and I almost never look at my paystubs online, because you have to change your password every 45 days and I wind up getting locked out then have to call help desk and it's a hassle. So today, knowing full well I should have enough to cover my mortgage payment and pretty much nothing else (I couldn't pay it in August and promised to pay today), I was a bit shocked to see my balance was much lower than it should have been.

So I got my online statement unlocked and saw they're taking $270 from me per paycheck. And it's been going on for a few months.

I called in sick. I'm going to my doctor in a couple of hours, she'll sign off to let me have a few days off due to stress. I called the mortgage company and bawled all over the poor guy, and he was nice enough to let me know that since I'm on a payment arrangement I'm nowhere close to foreclosure and they're going to try to help me due to loss of income to see what we can work out that's affordable.

The breakdown is coming. I've been pushing all the stress of the last few months aside, focusing on the good turns my life has taken and telling myself I'll deal with it later. Whenever something comes up I fret for a little bit, til I can get my mind off it and put it out of sight. I tell myself it'll work out because all this mess is FINALLY almost over... in a few months my case will be done, I'll have my kids back, and I'll have finally gotten the financial mess my ex left me with more or less under control. I'll even have a few things paid off.

This morning's scare was too much. I haven't been sleeping well lately and last night I could barely sleep at all... and yes, I know it's because of what I've been avoiding. It'll all come flooding out, hopefully the tears will wash it all away.

I'm not going to do anything stupid, so don't take this the wrong way, but I realized this morning that my life insurance would take care of everything and then some. I'm worth more dead than alive. That's just wrong.

I'm struggling to hold together for now, my doctor is 30 miles away and I don't want to cry on the way there or back, just because once I start I won't stop and I want to be safe.

I'm trying to be strong and independent and all that empowering stuff.... but today I want nothing more than to hide in my bed like a scared little girl.

[Akasa]

Oh Kara.
/hugs

[Teysa]

I'm sorry you're going through all of this. We're all here if you need someone to talk to. *hugs*

[zombiequeen]

*hugs*
Hon, that's a lot to deal with. Just let me know if there's anything you need.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

It's so easy to panic when things keep coming! I was there, still kinda am. Lost my health insurance, car got towed, moved out a day late and will lose my deposit because I'm unable to clean... tired tired tired because of everything...
Don't worry, everything may not (isn't) fine, but nothing's at explosion-stage yet.
(super-secret-postscript: when I get the urge to do something when I'm stressed, and it doesn't harm anything, I give into the urge, such as curling up in a ball. Only for a bit though. )

[AnaKhouri]

I'm surprised it took you this long, honestly. You're an amazingly strong person, Kara. I think you have official permission from CS to curl up and cry and eat a couple gallons of ice cream. But then you have to get back up and concentrate on how wonderful things will be in a few more months. We all know you can do it.

[Aethian]

If you ever need to talk, this Bunny has a open ear.

[ArcticChicken]

Holding all that stuff in is really bad for you. Even if you don't realize it, you're not going to be thinking as well.

Can your doctor do phone sessions? That way you could talk to her more often, have someone to cry with. I have some experience listening to people cry (and letting people listen to me cry), so I'm willing to lend an ear.

[tropicsgoddess]

I don't have much to say except

[Kara]

Well, my doctor prescribed me some sleeping pills and a week off work. I have plenty of sick time, so it will all be paid.

Thanks everyone. It was just too much. It still is. I'm gonna hide from the bad things here for awhile if anyone needs me.

[Sarlon]

remember IANAL....but shouldn't you have had SOME notice that they would be taking child support from you each time period (monthly, weekly, biweekly etc)?

but do talk with your lawyer about that and find out.

also talk with lawyer for when you get full custody of your kids, see what you need to do to get HER to pay YOU child support.

[Marmalady]

Why don't you snuggle up in the CS blanket fort for a while, Kara?

There are brownies and muffins and hot chocolate, and also plenty of furry cuddly things.

And please remember, we're all on your side here

[42_42_42]

Egads, Kara! I wish I was near you. You are serious need of a night of wine, chocolate and girl talk! Call me if you need to talk.

[Jester]

Kara, I am always available to talk, if you need.

Also, how is it that your lawyers did not tell you about this? Seriously, I am really questioning the competence of your legal representation.

So, chill out, curl up, watch some bad tv, get some sleep, cry your eyes out, let it all out....

And then next week, get back on your feet, back in the ring, and back to fighting the raging shit stain that is your ex.

[MoonCat]

Kara, it's ok to cry as much as you want...let it out...and let out a few nasty cuss words if that makes you feel better! Since you have the time off, do something a little fun just for yourself, something relaxing. You don't have to spend money on it; just put on some of your favorite music, watch goofy Youtube videos, have a long, hot bath with your favorite scent, make some popcorn, read your favorite books again...anything that makes you feel good and takes your mind off this crap.

Remember we're all here to listen if you need us.