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  • Pizza Face

    Not a very eventful night at the pub. It’s been very quiet since the new years violence (I have since learned that the violent woman has been remanded in custody and isn’t getting out any time soon). I wasn’t going to post this but recent events have made it more memorable.

    Two guys were stood at the bar all night drinking. They were quite friendly at first. They chatted nicely with the staff, were polite and funny. Of course as the alcohol began to take effect they began to get more and more rowdy.

    Guy1 suddenly dropped his drink and spilled it all over himself. He thought it was hilarious. Guy2 seemed to get very worked up by it.

    Guy2: Why do you do this? You always get too drunk and act like a dick!

    Guy1 was still laughing.

    Guy2: I asked you a question!! Why are you always such a fucking dick?!!

    Guy2 had gone from being Guy1’s best friend to worst enemy in seconds. Guy1 still didn’t care and carried on laughing. I decided to jump in.

    Me: Guys, maybe we should all just calm down a bit.
    Guy2: Answer meeeee!!!

    Guy2 grabbed Guy1 by the throat. Despite being choked, Guy1 carried on laughing.

    Guy2: Stop laughing! Stop laughing!
    Me: OK, that’s ENOUGH! I’m cutting you both off.

    Guy1 suddenly stopped laughing.

    Guy1: What?
    Me: I think you guys have had a little too much to drink. You’re starting to have disagreements so I think it’s best that you either went home or went somewhere else.
    Guy1: *to Guy2* This is all your fucking fault!

    Guy1 stormed out the pub angrily, muttering to himself. You could tell how drunk he was as he couldn’t walk in a straight line. I hadn’t really noticed this while he was stood at the bar, or I would have cut him off earlier. Guy2 stood there staring at me like a hurt puppy, and eventually headed for the door.

    Pub closed for the night. We finished our jobs, turned off the lights and headed for the door. We get outside and Guy2 is still there! He is on his phone. He runs up to us.

    Guy2: I can’t find my friend anywhere! Have you seen him?
    Me: No, not since he left the pub earlier.
    Guy2: But I feel so bad for what I did. I need to apologise. I’m so sorry.

    He had gone from drunk angry guy to very emotional guy.

    Me: I’m sure he’ll be OK. Maybe you should get a taxi home.
    Guy2: But I miss my friend!

    We had little choice but to leave him.

    As I said before, I wasn’t going to post this story. That was until I logged onto Facebook this morning.

    A friend of mine was out around town last night. She posted a photo online with the title:

    “You encounter some beautiful people around *pub town*!”

    It was a photo of a young guy, curled up in a drunken ball inside a take away restaurant. He is using a pizza as a pillow. Literally. He is absolutely covered in sauce and cheese. It is mushed up and it is in his hair. It looks like something from an anti-drinking campaign poster.

    It was Guy1.

    Guess we now know where he stormed off to. I asked my friend what happened afterwards and she said he somehow managed to compose himself and get into a taxi, despite pizza dripping from his face. I’m amazed a taxi took him.

  • #2
    Sounds like a new internet Meme everyone could put funny comments on. Like, "Some people love pizza, but others LOOOVE pizza.."

    Comment


    • #3
      He's gonna have a time washing it out of his hair.

      Who's hungry for pizza?

      Comment


      • #4
        Those crazy drunks. Falling down like a dominoes.
        To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...

        Comment


        • #5
          I'm conflicted again.
          Should I gag or laugh?
          Sucky Employees = The result of sucky customers getting a job...

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth Iseeyouthere View Post
            I'm conflicted again.
            Should I gag or laugh?
            Yes.
            They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

            Comment


            • #7
              At least he didn't get sh*t-faced
              I have a...thing. Wanna see it?

              Comment


              • #8
                As for why the taxi driver took him home: a) the drunk is probably safe if he's passed out drunk b) the drunk can't exactly argue if the taxi driver takes the scenic route, can he? ( aka, if the driver runs up the bill)

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth sstabeler View Post
                  As for why the taxi driver took him home: a) the drunk is probably safe if he's passed out drunk
                  Um no, most taxi drivers over here(the states) will just call the police, as a passed out drunk may not be a danger to the driver, but is in severe danger of death(unconsciousness is a late stage of alcohol poisoning), and the cab driver can be charged with criminally negligent manslaughter.
                  Honestly.... the image of that in my head made me go "AWESOME!"..... and then I remembered I am terribly strange.-Red dazes

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    See stuff like the argument all the time down here. Hell, it almost sounds like some nights with me and my friend Popcorn.

                    As for the part where the guy is passed out on the sidewalk, we see that all too often down here. We even have a name for it: "Key West Casualty."

                    "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                    Still A Customer."

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Does AA exist in the UK? Cause I think it's time that guy checked it out...
                      When you start at zero, everything's progress.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth Mr Hero View Post
                        Those crazy drunks. Falling down like a dominoes.
                        Well, he was sauced.
                        Now a member of that alien race called Management.

                        Yeah, you see that right. Pink. Harness.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Sounds like he was way more than just three slices- er, sheets to the wind...
                          Is it Asshole Day or what? - MoonCat
                          It's ALWAYS Asshole Day. - Jay2KWinger

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            How cheesed do you think the Taxi cab driver was? He'd probably be the one cleaning up his cab.
                            Now a member of that alien race called Management.

                            Yeah, you see that right. Pink. Harness.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              These puns really are getting a bit crusty. It's probably time to just box them up.

                              "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                              Still A Customer."

                              Comment

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