Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Abusive Ex Husband

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Quoth superhotelworker View Post
    Actually, we got a card from her today. Blank card all it said was "Thank you and I'm safe." I'm gonna ASSUME that was her.
    That is so good that she wrote you. Thank you again for taking care of that poor woman.

    My MIL is a divorce lawyer and her sister-in-law is a child psychologist. I can't imagine doing either for a living, after having worked with both a divorce lawyer and a child psychologist before.
    Labor boards have info on local laws for free
    HR believes the first person in the door
    Learn how to go over whackamole bosses' heads safely
    Document everything
    CS proves Dunning-Kruger effect

    Comment


    • This whole thread has had me crying like a baby. My father is abusive and I'm recently separated from a dickwad that abused me. Not physically or sexually, but pretty much every other way possible. His favorite was financially. So I basically got to raise our 5 kids alone with no money because he stole it. Now he's with someone else (actually the reason we are separated is he had been dating her for a while and decided he wanted her instead of me, I thought that might be going on and he confirmed it when I confronted him). I'm still reeling from it. Even though he treated me like shit, it's still hard to feel replaced.

      Thank you to everyone who has ever helped someone like me. All my friends have been telling me that they didn't want to say anything bad about dumbass because he was my husband and they know I loved him, but it didn't do me any good. I didn't feel like I had any support, and in some ways that's the hardest part. Heck, I waited until he got rid of me when I really should have been out a long long time ago. I am in awe of everyone willing to step up for those that need it. The world needs to be full of more people like you.

      Comment


      • It's exactly these kinds of stories that make me hesitant to start dating. I actually want a more unusual, largely one-sided relationship and I don't know if I'd realize it if she didn't think the same way. I really don't want to be "That Guy", with the restraining orders, or worse, holding a woman under my thumb against her will. For the time being, I think, with everything else going on, it's best to rest on my hands.

        Comment


        • SHW, you rule for helping that lady out - and if that lady is reading - keep strong, you rule also!

          I am a teacher, as such I am fiercely protective of my students despite them driving me nuts regularly, I am just as protective of them as I am for my family whom I am extremely close to.

          I remember a fella coming across from a housing estate towards the school with a rock in his hand screaming threats at my students... nope, not happening - I made sure that I stood between this lunatic and the students and would not let him pass.

          Being 6'5, large build, and with a teacher voice I stared at him and repeated 'back away, sir'

          Thankfully the police arrived soon after and took this guy away.

          I was told from one of my bosses that this guy had a knife on him and that I could have been killed. My reply, kinda of automatically was 'so? the students are okay' (having being stabbed before, knives for some reason don't scare me).

          As corny as it sounds, I would not hesitate in doing all that it takes to protect someone being attacked.

          Comment


          • Wooooow. I just realized this thread freaking exploded since the last time I read it.

            :hugs: to all who have suffered needlessly at the hands of another. I wont share my tales, but am here if anyone wants to talk. I like to listen.

            SHW, great job.

            Comment


            • Quoth doogiej View Post
              My father is abusive and I'm recently separated from a dickwad that abused me. Not physically or sexually, but pretty much every other way possible. His favorite was financially. So I basically got to raise our 5 kids alone with no money because he stole it.
              Don't feel bad about not leaving. It's one thing to get up and leave when it's only you. It's easier to get help from friends and a place to stay, even just a couch somewhere, when it's just you. But with five kids? That would be so so hard.

              Stay strong, whatever happens. If you're married, file for divorce. Make sure he's off any accounts you may have, including electricity, gas, water, garbage, etc. If it won't be a huge problem, change your phone number. Contact your landlord. Change the locks, or add a new deadbolt. If he reappears or makes threats, get a restraining order; yes, it is just a piece of paper, but it's a piece of paper you can use to force the police to do something, and a piece of paper that you can use in court. Make sure all of his stuff is out of your home.

              That's the easy part. The hard part will be getting your kids to understand that it's better for everyone that their father left. You'll be walking a fine line between the harsh truth and being too nice.

              You have the best wishes of everyone on this board. If you need to talk, PM me.
              Labor boards have info on local laws for free
              HR believes the first person in the door
              Learn how to go over whackamole bosses' heads safely
              Document everything
              CS proves Dunning-Kruger effect

              Comment


              • Quoth smileyeagle1021 View Post
                pepper spray, mace guns, knives
                Mace-gun? I think Squaresoft would like to talk to you about their next Final Fantasy... They need a logistical brainstorming session...
                "I call murder on that!"

                Comment


                • Lady called and said to tell all you fine online people thank you.
                  She's super glad you're all on her side.

                  Comment


                  • I want a mace gun. For...no particular reason...
                    "And so all the night-tide, I lie down by the side of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride!"
                    "Hallo elskan min/Trui ekki hvad timinn lidur"
                    Amayis is my wifey

                    Comment


                    • because I had always equated "abuse" as being the physical kind,
                      had a navy class on domestic violence that covered the "cycle of violence" and started with non-physical abuse. figured out that one of my former coworkers (M) had been a text book case of it. ended up using that lecture and my stories about M for a report i did for health class... on non-physical abuse


                      Quoth SailorMan View Post
                      "Yeah, I hit her, but when I do it, I do it with love."
                      the only time any man or woman should hit their partner is when the partner wants it.
                      (as in "oooo spank me" etc)


                      if you gotta hit the spouse/partner to set them straight... you're the problem not them.

                      Comment


                      • Yeah, abuse is soooo much more than the physical. To use an example that's not me , my sister recently broke up with her fiance [and the father of her baby]. Why? Because he constantly suspected her of cheating on him, told her he didn't trust her, called her stupid and said that everything she did was wrong...only later did he start bruising her. He also erm...would 'have sex' with her 'in his sleep...' so obviously without her consent.

                        And I totally agree, PepperElf, only when they want it.
                        "And so all the night-tide, I lie down by the side of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride!"
                        "Hallo elskan min/Trui ekki hvad timinn lidur"
                        Amayis is my wifey

                        Comment


                        • Eisa: See, that's when I get protective and whip some ass. But your sister left him, so smart gal.

                          Hey, I'm all for the fun 'abuse', but eh.. not hitting me otherwise.

                          Comment


                          • *emerges from the lurker closet*

                            My ex never hit me (although there were times I feared he would). But he was emotionally abusive - I still flinch and say "sorry" for everything too.

                            My gut feeling is that if I'd stayed it would have become physically abusive as well at some point.

                            Every problem in our relationship, every time I tried to talk about why I wasn't happy, was all my "insecurities" and it actually twisted my mind up to believe it, after a while.

                            Or else he'd get all tearful and contrite babble about how he'd change everything and it was all going to be different....I believed that too, until I noticed he'd go back to his old ways the very next day and never even think about it.

                            I suffer from some health problems that aren't going to go away (severe arthritis since my early teens) and he told me more than once that he'd leave me if I got sicker because I "wouldn't be any fun to be with".

                            I finally wised up and broke it off, although he still owes me a large portion of my financial aid money for school that he "borrowed" because he was too lazy to even try to get a job (yeah, I know I won't see it again..)

                            I didn't actually quite realize how badly I'd been treated until I met current BF and see how wonderfully he treats me...if I'd known relationships could be this good, I would have broken it off with ex bf waaay earlier...but I just accepted it as normal at the time.

                            Comment


                            • Quoth bardicwench View Post
                              No history of injury or abuse that anyone is aware of, but I have to think that there was something... why else would I forget my childhood completely?
                              Could really be nothing. I have maybe 6 or 7 memories of before 3rd grade. Just little snippets. But I also know there was no abuse going on, either.

                              Quoth Mytical View Post
                              While I have a few self esteem issues of my own, I've never understood how some females think they are not the beautiful people they are.
                              A lot of it has to do with upbringing.

                              I used to have a friend that was smart. Not booksmart, but worldsmart. She knew how to get things done and was a great planner.

                              But she spent her entire childhood being told how worthless and stupid and useless she was by her father. When you grow up being told something, it's really, really hard not to believe it. Her first marriage followed the pattern, but her current husband is a great guy.

                              Quoth Seshat View Post
                              I said this before, I'll say it again. Poverty is better than toxicity. Get out of a toxic situation. You're better off poor.
                              Poverty is also better than injury or death. Nobody ever deserved it. Ever.

                              Kudos to everyone who takes the time to help anyone in a bad situation. Even if all you can do is be there to listen, that can still make all the difference in the world.

                              ^-.-^
                              Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X