A canonical list of SCs

[Dips]

The Sexist of Convenience This specimen is doubtful that my female self will be able to help him or her and asks to talk to a man. However, when the Sexist of Convenience finds out that said man is busy and there will be a wait to speak with him, my ability to help with the problem magically increases.

[felixxkatt]

The "Yesterday" Scammer: the woman or man who insists that "I was JUST HERE YESTERDAY and my gift card (from the competitor's chain) worked here then!" or that "YESTERDAY you had this product (which you have not carried in the 3 years you've worked here)!"

closely related to The "Other Girl" Scammer: who insists that "The Other Girl" always makes the drink (which we don't even have the ingredients for) or that the "Other Girl" lets me pay with the gift card (that is for the competitors chain!) or that the "Other Girl" told me i could get it cheaper!

[felixxkatt]

The Entitled Suggester: Maybe one time they got excellent, above-and-beyond service, and now want it every time. So they were in a fast food place and it was deserted, it took a minute for their order to be prepared so the server told them to take a seat and brought their meals out to them. Now, in a lunch rush, they have a short wait and tell the server, "we'll be sitting over there," pointing across the dining area, "bring it over when it's ready, we'll be waiting." Yeah, sure I will, when 'waitress' becomes part of my job title (read: never).

What sucks is that these asshats ruin it for other people. i seriously hesitate to be extra nice to anyone these days because so many of the customers come back when you are swamped and expect you to do the same extra special thing for them again! can't you understand that i went out of my way because i was being nice, not because you are ENTITLED to it? just because ONCE i ran your sandwich out to you or gave you a free sample of something doesn't mean that every time you come in i can do it again! it's because of these people i only do the bare minimum required of me most of the time, adn i hate it.

[MoonChild2007]

The Old Timer- The customers who think just because they have been here for a long time that automatically means we shouldn't follow the rules.

The "are you open?" customer- No need to explain myself

[Lyger]

Achy Breaky Heart - Will yell at you for taking a break while you are on said break, thereby wasting the energy they could've used to go find someone else who is working and could help them.

Not-so-Secret Desire - Said SC has some kind of bizarre sexual turn-on. This is not a problem and is entirely their own business. However, they seem to have the uncanny desire to make it everyone else's business... thereby driving away not just other customers, but any human with an IQ over 60.

Mr. Roboto - Seems utterly convinced that your job position should no longer exist because of the way computers run everything these days.

[CancelMyService]

Some SC's that I encounter working for a large cable company:


The Rural Ranter - Cold fact of business and life in general is that companies are going to spend more money in cities than in the countryside. That doesn't make it my fault that you have less service available in your area than someone that lives in the big city. I'm not forcing you to live out in the sticks, pal. Consider having fewer HD channels your tradeoff for cleaner air and less traffic.

The Outraged Deadbeat - There's a mathematical ratio in the cable business stating that there's a direct ratio between the amount someone's past due and how angry and indignant they are. I don't know how many times people call in just incensed and in full HOW-DARE-YOU mode because they were 3+ months past due and their service is shut off. They also tend to make sure you know they're going to go to the dish also. You already got disconnected, no skin of my nose. Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya, says I.

Mr/Ms "I'm gonna do it!!" - Sometimes related to the above group, these folks react to anything they don't like with "if you don't do *insert unreasonable request* I'm gonna go TO THA DISH~!" in a tone dripping with expectation of me going into a Stepin Fetchit routine to save them as a customer. Usually by the time that card gets played, they've annoyed me so much I fight the urge to transfer the call right to DirecTV. Let them enjoy the experience of your wonderful personality.

The Good Old Day'ers - My company took over a smaller competitor recently. They served a lot of smaller, usually rural towns and didn't offer as many services as we do. I guess they expected to magically get everything folks already with my company have without any pesky things like massive plant upgrades. The work needed to fix the cluster-f this place left us means sometimes service is briefly interrupted. Sucks, but we have to do it to drag them out of the stone age the other place left them. Doesn't mean I don't hear 10x a day "we didn't have these problems till you guys took over". Of course not, your former company didn't do any upgrades since the Carter Administration.

[Professional Serf]

The Topless Man: These gems can't be bothered with putting on a shirt either because their massive blubbery girth is impossible to contain in one thin piece of fabric, or because their scrawny sunken chests are actually cut...and we just don't know it.

[Sadie]

The Wrong Department Questioner/Employees should know All Customer - A person who will go up to any employee and ask a department specific question that has nothing to do with their department.

Example: You work in the kitchen appliances department. Customer "does this lamp come in any other colors?"

[Estil]

The Lotto Addict: Customer who blows all their money on stratch off lottery tickets and very seldom buys anything else (we're a grocery store, not a convience store just so everyone knows). We have one in our store, and he's not all that friendly either. :P

[Professional Serf]

The Restroom Reconnoiterer: There simply isn't any place better in this gems eyes to find an associate than right in front of the bathroom. Being walked to a two dollar brass nipple in an aisle clearly marked "Pipes and Fittings" is far more important than you crapping your pants, thank you very much!

[laurenjeannie]

Drop off childcare

The Wet One- A small child who's mom insists she is potty trained and refuses to put her in pull-ups when she comes in. The same child wets her pants ever half hour on numerous occasions, going through her two spare sets of pants. Mom gets pissed when she picks up child wearing a diaper and no pants.

The Worrier- The parent of a child between the ages of 4 and 9 who has no attachment issues that still calls every 15 minutes 'just to check'.


The Divorcee- The mom who goes to her therapist while leaving her child with us, and then returns red eyed and weepy. With no encouragement she proceeds to tell you about her messy divorce and shit talk her ex, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE CHILD.

The Perfect Mom- Feels a need to assure you that she's NEVER left her child with anyone outside of the family, that she will not be using childcare again, this is a one time thing. You then see her at least one day a week with a new excuse.

Lustful Daddy- The dad who hits on you as you are holding his child, telling you how he'd like to see you in private...after hours...to play doctor.

"But he's mature for his age!"- The mom who insists that her 10 month old is mature for his age, and tries to force you to take him for a few hours. (Our minimum age is 18 months) *Bonus points when the 8 year old sibling is volunteered as 'help'.

The Punisher- A parent who fully expects their child to misbehave and discusses possible punishment options with you, including but not limited to; whippings, spankings, beatings, butt warmers, slaps, and smacks. (These really creep me out, I don't believe in spanking for any reason. I won't hesitate to report to CPS if I see bruises.)

Stay tuned for the party personalities....

[Brynhild]

The repeat offender: the person who comes in, sits at the same table, orders the same thing, and complains about the same thing that is wrong with the food, even though they told you to make it like that.

There's a guy who comes in once a month to pick up an order from our store. Every single time he says there's something wrong with his order, or he tries to scam for freebies. The first time I saw him he was like "But I'm supposed to get a discount!" Because it was 3rd shift and there's no manager on duty and I was new, I let him intimidate me into giving him the discount, only to find out in the morning from the manager that the discount had already been applied and the guy had lied to me. Other times he's come in he's tried to get free stuff, like saying "Can I have (a $5 item) and then pay for it next time?" and, seriously, every time he comes in he says there's something wrong with the order. My favorite line of his, "I get the same thing every month, why can't you people ever get it right?" He doesn't get the same thing; it's different every time. I know, 'cause I'm the one who sold it to him every time he came in.

Newbie Hater: They are regulars, but being new, I don't know that, so when I hand them menus and ask what they want to drink, they say, " our regular" then get pissed off when I ask what that is.

I had one of those once, though I'd been at the job for over eight months. This guy walks in, never saw him before in my life, and he's all, "I'm here for my regular." Of course, I have no clue what that is, and he's all like, "But I come in here all the time! Don't you recognize me?" *grumble*

[Brynhild]

I work both at a drive-thru and as a cashier at a grocery right now, so I get a variety of SC's. Here's a few I didn't see posted yet:

The Eaters - Kin of the Grazers, these are the customers at the grocery who can't wait until they've paid for a product to open it and start eating it. Will often wander the store eating out of a box or potato chip bag and wind up paying for just the wrapper. Sometimes morphs into the more despised version of the wander and dropper, where they hide the wrapper evidence behind stacks of toilet paper or a wall of tampons, only to be found later. Bonus points if they wait until their order it on the belt to be rung up, and then open the item before it can be scanned and eat while you're scanning their other items. Double bonus points if they scatter crumbs (or, what happened in my line the other night: nuts) on the floor where they're standing.

The Newbie-Hunters - those customers who see the sticker on your nametag that says that you're still a trainee and new, and they make a bee-line to you and want you to answer a dozen questions about store policy and where items are located. My favorite question so far: "What's the difference between Bennadryl and Bennadryl-D?" I'm being trained as a cashier, and I've only been here two weeks, lady. How the hell would I know?

The Price-checkers - those who want either one item or their entire twenty-item rung up just so they can see how much it totals, and then decide not to buy something, and I can't void anything that costs more that $5.00 without a manager's key.

The We-have-a-sign-for-a-reason-ers - Those who pull up to a drive-thru and ask what kind of ____ we have, even though there's a sign out there listing all the varieties. For example, asking what kind of donuts a place sells when they sell over thirty different kinds and it takes several lungfuls of air to list them. Bonus points if all the SC really wanted was one flavor, and they cut you off in the middle of your list.

The I'm-not-listening SCs - They assume they know what you're going to say, so they answer without listening to what you actually said. Happens every night when I work drive-thru, I'll say "Is that going to be all for you?" and they'll say "No." and then I'll wait and they'll say nothing, and then I'll ask, "So, what else did you want?" to which they'll reply, "No, that's it." A few times I changed it and said, "Would you like anything else?" to which they tended to say, "Yes, that'll be all." *sigh*

The Spontaneous Dancers - A rare breed, and usually an older married couple, but still annoying. They tend to show up in the middle of a long line, and while waiting decide to spontaneously start dancing with each other to the Muzak that's played over the speakers. Other customers may think that's charming, but I've already had to listen to that sucky song every night I work, and seeing people dance to it makes me want to hurl.

The One-brand-in-a-million-smoker - Gives an abbreviated description of the kind of cigs they smoke, and then either gets upset when you bring back the wrong brand even though it matches the general description, or gets pissed when you ask them to come over and point them out. (For example, someone asked for "Turkish Delights" and didn't say they were a Camel brand, and so I spent several minutes searching for them until the customer stormed over and pointed me towards the right one.) I don't smoke and the cig display is several registers away, and I have to lock my till and walk over, search for the right pack, and then walk back. Bonus points if you can't figure out which one they want, and when you ask them to point it out, they point in the general direction and say "It's right there!" and you have to impersonate Vanna White as you point to each pack to see if that's the one they're pointing at.

The wanna-be-psychiatrist - If you don't appear to be bubbly and perky, they will accuse you of being in a bad mood and then ask you questions and want to know all about what's wrong. No matter what you say, they will respond with some off-hand remark "Things will get better!" or some fake empathy "I work long hours in a restaurant, so I know what it's like for you, even though you only work three nights max in a grocery because your managers won't schedule you for any more hours and you're barely making ends meet as it is!" *grumbles* These SCs only ever make a mood worse.

The Can't-deciders - Someone who takes ten minutes to order at a drive-thru. "Yes, I'll take this......... and this...... and those....... and a few of that...... and..... um....... hmmmm..... some of those too." "Will that be all?" "No. I'll also take some of these..... and a few of those..... and..... um....... (etc.)" So that by the time they've finished their order, you can't remember what the first few items were.

[rerant]

The I-Can-Never-Find-Anything person: They spend their entire life in the store, do all their shopping, then get to cash fuming that they can never find what they're looking for in your store. As if you had been the one to draw up the blueprints.

The Can't-Someone-Else-Do-It? person: They never want to do their own shopping, and instead want a member of staff to meander about the store with a list, picking up all of their items for them. That or they will ask someone in a department where they could find a certain item, and if the employee simply points them in the proper direction they'll expect that instead, the employee retrieve the item for them, regardless as to whether or not they're busy helping someone else.
This person is very much like the Paris Hilton, only they fist made the effort to come into the store.

This one is Ikea specific but, The Display Model Ninja: No matter the size of the item they will always bring you the display, despite the fact that said display has a giant plastic tag affixed to it. On furniture items the tag will indicate which aisle and bin the item is located in, but the Display Model Ninja will never retreive the item themselves. On dishes and accessories their answer is always the same. Either: "I didn't see the 2"x7" plastic tag," or, "It was the last one," even though you know for certain that there are dozens more on the shelf.

[Lyger]

The Last-Ditch Effort: Once disciplinary action has been taken or is about to be taken against this particular SC, such as being banned from a store or having services shut off, they will immediately apologize profusely and protest about how they're really truly sorry and didn't mean it and they were only kidding, even going to the point of tears about how they really need this service so please please please PLEASE, let them stay, trying to guilt their way into staying.

The Fashion Critic: In areas with particularly lax dress code settings that don't require uniforms, these SCs feel the need to either tell you how tacky your clothing ensemble is if they're young, or how you should be ashamed of yourself for dressing like that if they're old.

The Exception: The ultra left-wing, non-conformist liberal type who protests against any form of organized corporations on his planet, and feels the need to do so right within a place of that corporation, taking his anger out on the front line of the business: the retail workers.

The Laugh Track: This SC, who may or may not even be mean to the retail workers, has the world's loudest and most obnoxious laugh that could even be heard OUTSIDE the store. So bothersome, you may even begin to curse humor.