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The big yearly street fair/art exhibition in town here has closed down a lot of the streets, but that hasn't slowed the illegally parked down one bit at all. In fact, this was the busiest week I've had since student move out. Let's get right down to it, shall we?
More Notable Notes
This week saw yet more people out to test their theory that illegal parking will be overlooked if you just leave a hand-written note behind explaining that your eminence cannot be constrained by the ill-thought-out laws of mere mortals like us who cannot possibly comprehend your true motives....
Uh huh.
Do tell.
Note 1 - Call me Ishmael
"Call me 555-2583"
That's all it said, in hastily scribbled ballpoint on a scrap of paper, with nary a "For a good time," preceding it. What am I supposed to make of that? You want me to call you at that number? or BY that number? I can't figure it out. You didn't even leave punctuation. Not that it would have stopped me, but, sloppy work just makes me hate you that much more.
Well, we'll play your game if you insist.
Attention 5-5-5 dash 2-5-8-3, you have ignored posted signage and parked your car in a manner counter to the established operating protocols of this facility. The Enrichment Center would like to take this opportunity to remind you that android hell is a real place, and you WILL be sent there at your next sign of disobedience. Thank you. Have a nice day.
Well, here's the puzzler. The lot they were in doesn't HAVE assigned spaces, it's permit parking. You either have one, or ya don't. And, shock and awe, this car didn't have a permit.
Either this person was very very confused indeed or they parked here after getting the boot from an entirely different lot altogether where those things may have been the rules.
And, they had their 4-way flashers on too, which is about the worst thing you can do if you KNOW you're in the wrong. If you've parked yourself illegally, illegally enough to leave a note trying to justify your actions, then why turn on the "come-get-me" lights as well? There's sticking your head out of the trench... and then there's doing it with a bullseye painted on your helmet and waving a banner reading: "50 Reichmarks sez you cross-eyed Krauts can't hit this! P.S. - Frau Goering would like her husband to know, she needs her lipstick back."
What a pile of assorted mistakes this whole adventure reeks of...
About the only thing they got RIGHT was the "will be gone by 2:30" part.
Note 3: Location Location Location
Bog standard note
"Please don't tow me! Call xxx-xxxx first!"
Which we all know translates into "Imma spoiled brat who demands easy access to parties with friends, and you wouldn't want to be a big ol' meanie and make me pay the consequences for that without giving me a sporting chance to move first, right? Cuz' Mommy n' Daddy say I'm special! And I'm more popular than you too, so there!"
Ugh, I know that's NOT what it really says. But every time I see one of those notes, worded that way, that's all I can hear, in what I can only describe as "The Voice of Brittany"
You know the one I'm thinking of....
Sidebar: The same thing happens to me and "YIELD" signs. Every time I pass one, I hear someone, in a voice reminiscent of Foghorn Leghorn saying: "The Gentleman, I say, the Gentleman from Kentucky will yield the floor. Floor, that is." Because my mind works in strange ways. Anyway.....
Now, the "location" part. Just to make sure we got the message, instead of being on the dash or taped to a window, this one was taped OVER the license plate, so we'd be sure to see it.
Yeah we saw it.
And so did the owner of that space who pays $400 a month in rent. They were strangely unmoved by your note. Speaking of moved by prose.... so was your car, to our lot. $115, credit, cash or debit, no checks there, Brittany.
Clusterf*ck
You've heard the phrase "nary a f*ck was given". I wish that could be used for this next story, but alas, it seems like every f*ck in the whole gosh-durn County was unleashed on this one.
Guy came in looking for his f*ckn' car, and told us we better f*ckn' have it. (we did) and then launched on a tirade about how we run a f*ckn' scam, this is f*ckn' ridiculous that he has to pay $115 of his f*ckn' money to get his f*ckn' car back and he didn't do a f*ckn' thing wrong, (except park it illegally) and f*ckn' this and f*ckn' that, and, well, even Joe Pesci's character from Casino would probably have told him to tone it down a notch.
It got so bad that the manager at the counter actually stood up, put a finger in his face and said:
"Enough swearing out of you, you won't talk to me, not like that and not in front of other customers!" (There was a line of similarly-towed victims forming behind him while he ranted, ah.... event weekends.)
Predictably, Mr. F*ckstick's response to that was to tell manager that he "didn't f*ckn' care..."
And that's when he got shown the door and told not to come back until he cooled down......
Geeze, sorry we towed your dick, Bro.
Special Agent Barney Fife, at your Service
I noted, with some rather delicious irony, that the illegally parked car in the lot I was standing next to had a stack of papers on the passengers seat, the topmost was an application for employment to a well-known Federal level law enforcement agency... heh.
Well, just to drive that point home, when the owner came to get the car, he promptly made a right turn out of the lot, with no signal, and no apparent stopping to look for cross traffic.
Then, a block up the street at a traffic light, I saw him make a illegal right-on-red turn (signage there says not to) also without signaling....
Ya know, for what it would cost the Federal Government to train that guy up to a passable level of competency, or how much they'd waste in the endeavor before washing him out, wouldn't it be a better financial bet to just let me buy a nice, new, shiny, meat cleaver and hang it on a hook by the nightstand? Just reimburse me for it on next years taxes, that okay?
I think EVERYONE would come out much safer with that arrangement than issuing a firearm, of any caliber, not even one that shot rubber bands, to that guy.... oh well, anyone needs me, I'll be over here, sleeping insecurely with one eye open.
More Notable Notes
This week saw yet more people out to test their theory that illegal parking will be overlooked if you just leave a hand-written note behind explaining that your eminence cannot be constrained by the ill-thought-out laws of mere mortals like us who cannot possibly comprehend your true motives....
Uh huh.
Do tell.
Note 1 - Call me Ishmael
"Call me 555-2583"
That's all it said, in hastily scribbled ballpoint on a scrap of paper, with nary a "For a good time," preceding it. What am I supposed to make of that? You want me to call you at that number? or BY that number? I can't figure it out. You didn't even leave punctuation. Not that it would have stopped me, but, sloppy work just makes me hate you that much more.
Well, we'll play your game if you insist.
Attention 5-5-5 dash 2-5-8-3, you have ignored posted signage and parked your car in a manner counter to the established operating protocols of this facility. The Enrichment Center would like to take this opportunity to remind you that android hell is a real place, and you WILL be sent there at your next sign of disobedience. Thank you. Have a nice day.
Note 2: A wee bit confuzzed....
"I'm so sorry I had to do this! But someone took my assigned space! Please don't tow me! I'll be gone by 2:30 this afternoon"
"I'm so sorry I had to do this! But someone took my assigned space! Please don't tow me! I'll be gone by 2:30 this afternoon"
Well, here's the puzzler. The lot they were in doesn't HAVE assigned spaces, it's permit parking. You either have one, or ya don't. And, shock and awe, this car didn't have a permit.
Either this person was very very confused indeed or they parked here after getting the boot from an entirely different lot altogether where those things may have been the rules.
And, they had their 4-way flashers on too, which is about the worst thing you can do if you KNOW you're in the wrong. If you've parked yourself illegally, illegally enough to leave a note trying to justify your actions, then why turn on the "come-get-me" lights as well? There's sticking your head out of the trench... and then there's doing it with a bullseye painted on your helmet and waving a banner reading: "50 Reichmarks sez you cross-eyed Krauts can't hit this! P.S. - Frau Goering would like her husband to know, she needs her lipstick back."
What a pile of assorted mistakes this whole adventure reeks of...
About the only thing they got RIGHT was the "will be gone by 2:30" part.
Note 3: Location Location Location
Bog standard note
"Please don't tow me! Call xxx-xxxx first!"
Which we all know translates into "Imma spoiled brat who demands easy access to parties with friends, and you wouldn't want to be a big ol' meanie and make me pay the consequences for that without giving me a sporting chance to move first, right? Cuz' Mommy n' Daddy say I'm special! And I'm more popular than you too, so there!"
Ugh, I know that's NOT what it really says. But every time I see one of those notes, worded that way, that's all I can hear, in what I can only describe as "The Voice of Brittany"
You know the one I'm thinking of....
Sidebar: The same thing happens to me and "YIELD" signs. Every time I pass one, I hear someone, in a voice reminiscent of Foghorn Leghorn saying: "The Gentleman, I say, the Gentleman from Kentucky will yield the floor. Floor, that is." Because my mind works in strange ways. Anyway.....
Now, the "location" part. Just to make sure we got the message, instead of being on the dash or taped to a window, this one was taped OVER the license plate, so we'd be sure to see it.
Yeah we saw it.
And so did the owner of that space who pays $400 a month in rent. They were strangely unmoved by your note. Speaking of moved by prose.... so was your car, to our lot. $115, credit, cash or debit, no checks there, Brittany.
Clusterf*ck
You've heard the phrase "nary a f*ck was given". I wish that could be used for this next story, but alas, it seems like every f*ck in the whole gosh-durn County was unleashed on this one.
Guy came in looking for his f*ckn' car, and told us we better f*ckn' have it. (we did) and then launched on a tirade about how we run a f*ckn' scam, this is f*ckn' ridiculous that he has to pay $115 of his f*ckn' money to get his f*ckn' car back and he didn't do a f*ckn' thing wrong, (except park it illegally) and f*ckn' this and f*ckn' that, and, well, even Joe Pesci's character from Casino would probably have told him to tone it down a notch.
It got so bad that the manager at the counter actually stood up, put a finger in his face and said:
"Enough swearing out of you, you won't talk to me, not like that and not in front of other customers!" (There was a line of similarly-towed victims forming behind him while he ranted, ah.... event weekends.)
Predictably, Mr. F*ckstick's response to that was to tell manager that he "didn't f*ckn' care..."
And that's when he got shown the door and told not to come back until he cooled down......
Geeze, sorry we towed your dick, Bro.
Special Agent Barney Fife, at your Service
I noted, with some rather delicious irony, that the illegally parked car in the lot I was standing next to had a stack of papers on the passengers seat, the topmost was an application for employment to a well-known Federal level law enforcement agency... heh.
Well, just to drive that point home, when the owner came to get the car, he promptly made a right turn out of the lot, with no signal, and no apparent stopping to look for cross traffic.
Then, a block up the street at a traffic light, I saw him make a illegal right-on-red turn (signage there says not to) also without signaling....
Ya know, for what it would cost the Federal Government to train that guy up to a passable level of competency, or how much they'd waste in the endeavor before washing him out, wouldn't it be a better financial bet to just let me buy a nice, new, shiny, meat cleaver and hang it on a hook by the nightstand? Just reimburse me for it on next years taxes, that okay?
I think EVERYONE would come out much safer with that arrangement than issuing a firearm, of any caliber, not even one that shot rubber bands, to that guy.... oh well, anyone needs me, I'll be over here, sleeping insecurely with one eye open.
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