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Just once I would like to be able to rewind time so that I could spend one day on the phone saying what I really want to say. Then, as they are coming to escort me off the floor, I would rewind time, get back on the phone and be a model CSR. If only...
SC: Am I gonna get my water today?
Me: No way!
SC: Why not?
Me: Because you're irritating me and I'm not going to do a single thing to help you!
SC: Tell your manager I hate that automated system and I'd rather just talk to a person when I call!
Me: Ok. Well actually, I am not going to. Do you know why? Because he spent thousands of dollars on it and the majority of the time it keeps people like you from getting through to a person thereby making his bottom line lower so he doesn't care if you don't like it. And frankly, in order to have you just "talk to a person" he'd have to hire one person for all of our customers which would equal literally hundreds of thousands of CSRs working probably 24 hours a day which would likely bankrupt us. Also, because he smells funny and I don't want to get that close.
SC: Where's my driver? Where is he!?
Me: Well let me see...according to the GPS he's...jerking off. What else can I help you with today?
SC: I want to talk to your supervisor.
Me: Okay, hang on. *puts headset down, then picks it up and talks in a squeaky voice* Helllloooo? This is Aquagirl's supervisor? Do you have a problem?
SC: I don't understand my bill!
Me: Wow, you must be an idiot!
SC: I am out of water!
Me: That sucks. I'm gonna go eat mayonaise now.
Me: May I have your telephone number?
SC: I'll give you my account number.
Me: Ehh! Ehh! Wrong answer! Try again later! I will disconnect this call in three...two...one...bye-bye!
or
Me: May I have your telephone number?
SC: I don't know that.
Me: Then you should probably just hang up now.
or
Me: May I have your telephone number?
SC: *gives OUR telephone number* (this happens daily)
Me: WTF!?
SC: I don't want to pay you yet, but I want my water!
Me: Well, I want to hang up on you, but my company policy says I can't so we're both royally screwed, huh?
SC: blahblahblah
Me: Hello?
SC: BLAHBLAHBLAH!!!
Me: Huh, I can't hear you. Try again later, please.
SC: Am I gonna get my water today?
Me: No way!
SC: Why not?
Me: Because you're irritating me and I'm not going to do a single thing to help you!
SC: Tell your manager I hate that automated system and I'd rather just talk to a person when I call!
Me: Ok. Well actually, I am not going to. Do you know why? Because he spent thousands of dollars on it and the majority of the time it keeps people like you from getting through to a person thereby making his bottom line lower so he doesn't care if you don't like it. And frankly, in order to have you just "talk to a person" he'd have to hire one person for all of our customers which would equal literally hundreds of thousands of CSRs working probably 24 hours a day which would likely bankrupt us. Also, because he smells funny and I don't want to get that close.
SC: Where's my driver? Where is he!?
Me: Well let me see...according to the GPS he's...jerking off. What else can I help you with today?
SC: I want to talk to your supervisor.
Me: Okay, hang on. *puts headset down, then picks it up and talks in a squeaky voice* Helllloooo? This is Aquagirl's supervisor? Do you have a problem?
SC: I don't understand my bill!
Me: Wow, you must be an idiot!
SC: I am out of water!
Me: That sucks. I'm gonna go eat mayonaise now.
Me: May I have your telephone number?
SC: I'll give you my account number.
Me: Ehh! Ehh! Wrong answer! Try again later! I will disconnect this call in three...two...one...bye-bye!
or
Me: May I have your telephone number?
SC: I don't know that.
Me: Then you should probably just hang up now.
or
Me: May I have your telephone number?
SC: *gives OUR telephone number* (this happens daily)
Me: WTF!?
SC: I don't want to pay you yet, but I want my water!
Me: Well, I want to hang up on you, but my company policy says I can't so we're both royally screwed, huh?
SC: blahblahblah
Me: Hello?
SC: BLAHBLAHBLAH!!!
Me: Huh, I can't hear you. Try again later, please.
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