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Someone mentioned training videos on the Sucky Customers forum, so I wanted to provide you with some of the best quotes from those cheesy videos almost all major retailers force their employees to watch. These are all around 2000 vintage (back in the good old VHS days), back when I worked at CVS.
From the Watch out for Shoplifters Video
Narrator: "Shoplifters are often solo, but they can also come in teams, with one person distracting the employee while another grabs an item, as seen here."
Distractor: "Hey, you! What's with the signage in this store? You need to really improve your signage! I can't find anything in here!"
[Employee turns around to find another person taking merchandise]
Employee: "Hey! What are you doing with that?!"
[Team flees]
Narrator: "Remember, it is important to never make any physical contact with the person, or give chase. Leave that to security and the police."
Not mentioned: When the authorities are powerless to do anything, and corporate will blame you for the inventory discrepancy during the next audit. Also, seriously, what is with that ridiculous attempt at distraction? Who the hell says SIGNAGE in everyday usage?!
From the Employee Ethics Video
Narrator: "As an employee, it might be tempting to steal from a CVS. After all, we have some of the greatest selection of health and beauty products."
I've heard of tooting one's own horn, but this is ridiculous.
Narrator: "If you are caught stealing, it doesn't matter how inexpensive the item was, it is an automatic firing. And, if you are a minor, we will call your parents."
Ooooh, well, if getting fired wasn't enough, then surely calling my mommy and daddy will certainly make me think twice.
From the Sexual Harassment Video
Narrator: "Sexual harassment isn't always about excessive flirting or advances. It is any inappropriate or sexist behavior or discussion. Consider this conversation."
Female Worker: "Excuse me, can you hand me a sponge to clean this countertop?"
Creepy Male Worker: (produces a box of maxi pads) "Here. It says on the box they are super absorbent" (wink)
You'd have to see the creep factor to really experience it. Up to this point I was able to contain my laughter, but this really did it for me. The absurdity of the conversation followed by the look of fake shock on the actress's face was too much. I have to wonder how the Z-list actors were able to do this with a straight face... even after 20 takes.
What were some training video disasters you've had to watch?
From the Watch out for Shoplifters Video
Narrator: "Shoplifters are often solo, but they can also come in teams, with one person distracting the employee while another grabs an item, as seen here."
Distractor: "Hey, you! What's with the signage in this store? You need to really improve your signage! I can't find anything in here!"
[Employee turns around to find another person taking merchandise]
Employee: "Hey! What are you doing with that?!"
[Team flees]
Narrator: "Remember, it is important to never make any physical contact with the person, or give chase. Leave that to security and the police."
Not mentioned: When the authorities are powerless to do anything, and corporate will blame you for the inventory discrepancy during the next audit. Also, seriously, what is with that ridiculous attempt at distraction? Who the hell says SIGNAGE in everyday usage?!
From the Employee Ethics Video
Narrator: "As an employee, it might be tempting to steal from a CVS. After all, we have some of the greatest selection of health and beauty products."
I've heard of tooting one's own horn, but this is ridiculous.
Narrator: "If you are caught stealing, it doesn't matter how inexpensive the item was, it is an automatic firing. And, if you are a minor, we will call your parents."
Ooooh, well, if getting fired wasn't enough, then surely calling my mommy and daddy will certainly make me think twice.
From the Sexual Harassment Video
Narrator: "Sexual harassment isn't always about excessive flirting or advances. It is any inappropriate or sexist behavior or discussion. Consider this conversation."
Female Worker: "Excuse me, can you hand me a sponge to clean this countertop?"
Creepy Male Worker: (produces a box of maxi pads) "Here. It says on the box they are super absorbent" (wink)
You'd have to see the creep factor to really experience it. Up to this point I was able to contain my laughter, but this really did it for me. The absurdity of the conversation followed by the look of fake shock on the actress's face was too much. I have to wonder how the Z-list actors were able to do this with a straight face... even after 20 takes.
What were some training video disasters you've had to watch?
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