Well, what was supposed to be the best day of the year for me has turned into easily one of the worst in my life, and honestly, at points, wished it was the last day of my life, which isn't true, quite honestly, I wish I had been aborted.
Today was supposed to be, or what I was told, was going to be the first day of my dream job. The staffing company I worked with twice confirmed to me that I started Monday, September 24th, and 8am. That is when I showed up to the job site only to be told, we fired you for no calling no showing all of last week when you were supposed to start.
So, now, I have no job (my old job has a 6 month reapply policy, so can't go back for at least 6 months, not that I'd want to go back), no prospects for a job (the staffing agency gave me a woops and we'll try to find you something else, which I know there isn't. My degree isn't worth the paper it's printed on, because honestly, employers don't give half a shit about education, all they care about is experience, and I have absolutely none, unless I want to go back to customer service and live in poverty the rest of my life as I pay off said useless degree), and a husband and a mother telling me I should go on the war path against the staffing agency, as if in a right to work state that will get me anywhere except frustrated and even more depressed than I am already. As it is, I give it two months, maybe three of unemployment, before I have to apply for foodstamps, the beautiful thing about that though is the card can be sharped enough to kill myself with, which I think is the entire point (culturally in Utah suicide is viewed better than being on public assistance. The dominant religious belief in this state is that you must help the needy, but you are going to hell if you ever become one and fail your God given obligation to support yourself and your family).
And the worst part of all of this, is my mother is supporting me, she refuses to tell me that I've failed, despite the fact that all the evidence says otherwise. I failed to get into a school who's degrees are worth anything (in Utah there is but one university, and depending on who you ask, that is BYU or UofU). I failed to find a job on my own, instead depending on a staffing agency. And I failed to use better judgement in who to trust, getting myself into this situation. Sounds like an awful lot of failure on my part, and it sickens me to hear people talk of how great I am, when I know it's all a lie.
And before anyone freaks out, no, I'm not even close to killing myself, I'm far too cowardly to actually do that, because I know that hell will await me if I do... at this point it may be unavoidable, but I sure as hell (is there a pun there, wasn't intended if there was) plan on putting it off as long as I can.
Today was supposed to be, or what I was told, was going to be the first day of my dream job. The staffing company I worked with twice confirmed to me that I started Monday, September 24th, and 8am. That is when I showed up to the job site only to be told, we fired you for no calling no showing all of last week when you were supposed to start.
So, now, I have no job (my old job has a 6 month reapply policy, so can't go back for at least 6 months, not that I'd want to go back), no prospects for a job (the staffing agency gave me a woops and we'll try to find you something else, which I know there isn't. My degree isn't worth the paper it's printed on, because honestly, employers don't give half a shit about education, all they care about is experience, and I have absolutely none, unless I want to go back to customer service and live in poverty the rest of my life as I pay off said useless degree), and a husband and a mother telling me I should go on the war path against the staffing agency, as if in a right to work state that will get me anywhere except frustrated and even more depressed than I am already. As it is, I give it two months, maybe three of unemployment, before I have to apply for foodstamps, the beautiful thing about that though is the card can be sharped enough to kill myself with, which I think is the entire point (culturally in Utah suicide is viewed better than being on public assistance. The dominant religious belief in this state is that you must help the needy, but you are going to hell if you ever become one and fail your God given obligation to support yourself and your family).
And the worst part of all of this, is my mother is supporting me, she refuses to tell me that I've failed, despite the fact that all the evidence says otherwise. I failed to get into a school who's degrees are worth anything (in Utah there is but one university, and depending on who you ask, that is BYU or UofU). I failed to find a job on my own, instead depending on a staffing agency. And I failed to use better judgement in who to trust, getting myself into this situation. Sounds like an awful lot of failure on my part, and it sickens me to hear people talk of how great I am, when I know it's all a lie.
And before anyone freaks out, no, I'm not even close to killing myself, I'm far too cowardly to actually do that, because I know that hell will await me if I do... at this point it may be unavoidable, but I sure as hell (is there a pun there, wasn't intended if there was) plan on putting it off as long as I can.
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