Chronicles of a Porn store Vol.2(NSFW)

[SportinGoods]

I have encountered plenty of people in my time at the porn shop which give me more and more faith to start a petition for licenses to breed. Here is a gem.

For a little bit of explanation, I made it a point to inform people on how to properly use different types of contraception before they purchase it. Usually started with "Have you used this before?" if they said yes I left them alone of course.

A girl, literally "just" 18 walks into my shop and comes up to the counter with a handful of flavored condoms.

Me: I just wanted to let you know not to use these for actual intercourse, since they are flavored, they have a little more glycerin than normal condoms and are a bit thinner.
*The girl looks at me, cocks her head and giggles*
Girl: It's okay, I don't usually get pregnant.

......................



I'm still pondering the meaning of that statement to this day.

At our particular store we battery tested anything that required batteries before it went out the door, this was mainly because we had a "no return" policy, but secondly, it was a way for us to show someone how something worked, and if it was a particularly cheap toy we could use this as leverage to up-sell.

Me: Make sure you give this a good washing with some antibacterial soap or toy cleaner before you use it.
Dumb customer: Why?

You know, I may be biased, but sticking something into your body right out of the package that you have no way of knowing the cleanliness of it is a little unnerving. There are very few things that are packaged by machine even in this age of technology, it's a good thing to show caution. If not out of fear of strange hand germies going near your nether regions, but at least the chemicals with which the item was processed.

Random Comments

Re: Plug in vibrators.

These are a relic of the past, they really are, somehow people don't get that introducing an item that is plugged into a wall socket into a wet area is a bad idea.

Vibrators shaped like little people.
These are actually a historical relic, in the 19th century it wasn't acceptable(particularly in Asia) for a woman to have a "sex" toy, so dildo's were made in the shape of dolls, and disguised by dressing them up with doll clothes. For some freaking reason this idea has carried on to present day toys, and things are STILL produced that resemble people and have "faces" soooo creepy.

People that want toys made in the USA
GL with that, unless your ordered custom bondage gear, or go with an extremely crappy brand, your not going to find "Made in the USA" on a toy package.

Men that really really want a blow up doll, but are only willing to spend 20 bucks.
Your going to end up with a pool floatie with a hole to screw. Seamed plastic isn't so comfy.

For some depraved reason at our store we had to call people if their rental movies hadn't returned within a month. We were not allowed to give the name of the business or speak to anyone but the name on the account. Often what happened was we would get the girlfriend, who had no flipping idea their man was renting porn.

Me: Hello, may I speak with x?
Angry Girlfriend: He ain't here right now? Who is this?
Me: I'm sorry, I'll call back at another time.
*click*

The phone inevitably rings and this is what transpires.

Me: *Porn store* How may I help you?
Angry girlfriend: Who the fuck is this? Who the fuck is x? Stay the fuck away from my man or I'll cut you.
Me: I'm sorry Ma'am It appears you have the wrong number.
Angry Girlfriend: Fuck you bitch, why are you fucking with my man? What did he tell you? You better stay away from him or I'll fucking kill you.
Me: I'm sorry ma'am I can't help you.
*click*
We would usually let it ring a few times before we answered again.

"You can't get germs from eating a girls pussy"

Just an FYI, dental dam's if your partners questionable, please, do the world a favor.

"You just gotta pull out and your girl wont get pregnant"

Let's just not mention pre-ejaculatory fluid at all k?


"Just spread some *x brand lube* on her asshole and go to town"

This particular brand had lidocaine in it (A topical numbing agent)

You ever chew on your cheek after you've had your mouth numbed at the dentist? Hurts like HELL afterwards doesn't it? Same applies to other parts of your body.

[poofy_puff]

Re: Plug in vibrators.

These are a relic of the past, they really are, somehow people don't get that introducing an item that is plugged into a wall socket into a wet area is a bad idea.

That is not entirely correct. While it may be true that some cheap jobbies may have been carelessly immersed, these vibrators http://www.a-womans-touch.com/catego...ttachment.html
are designed so that the parts that get wet are far away and properly sealed from the parts that meet electricity. There are plenty of appliances that contact water or moisture but are electrically powered. Of course, you shouldn't use the vibrator(s) outdoors or in the bathtub, but that goes for the battery-operated products as well. I have the Hitachi Magic wand with the G-spot attachment, and the only problem with it is if you run it for too long it gets pretty warm and that's not good for the bearings A friend of mine got the Eroscillator as a gift, and as you can see it is specially designed to be used in the manner implied by its name. Battery-operated vibrators should be called "Battery-Drainers", not sex toys.

[SportinGoods]

By plug in vibrators I mean the "60's" type(Usually running 9.99). The ones in unattractive shrink wrap with no re-enforced wiring whatsoever. I understand that some are made for this sort of thing, but we never sold any that well crafted.

To elaborate, plug in dildo's would be a better example. it was just cheap jelly with an egg inserted and a wire comming out the end that plugged into the wall. I have nothing against the old school "personal" messagers with attatchments, they don't bring your hoo ha that close to a dangerous electrical current like the other models do.

Also depends on what you want, some women are specific about the frequency of the vibration that makes them happy. Batteries are convenient for me, and I don't have to worry about spending a decent amount of money on something that's limited by the length of it's cord. (Unless you don't care about a long extention cord for your sex toys :P) I also have all waterproof for less complicated cleaning. All waterproof really means in most cases is the rubber gasket that keeps water out of the battery case. Things can be submerged, but you have to be careful of which toys are Okay for that sort of thing. Part common sense, part education.

I'm just nitpicking either way, I should have clarified my meaning in my original post.

[poofy_puff]

I did have the feeling that was the case, but I wanted to make it clear so that anyone reading it who was planning on purchasing a plug-in vibrator would be steered in the proper direction and not change their mind for the wrong reasons.

[phoenix_rising]

The way you write, it sounds kind of like the Lions Den. I've been in several stores, some more shady than others, but I think the Lions Den was the best so far. Organized and (haha) well lit. Pretty good selection, too.
Honestly, though, the thing I find funniest about nearly all the shops I've been in is that they've been run by little ol' ladies. I like to stop and think about why people are at the job they're in, and I always wonder about these women. The world may never know...

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I did have the feeling that was the case, but I wanted to make it clear so that anyone reading it who was planning on purchasing a plug-in vibrator would be steered in the proper direction and not change their mind for the wrong reasons.

Thanks for the information . . . it sounds to me like it would be safer though to stick with battery-operated items.

[Peppergirl]

The way you write, it sounds kind of like the Lions Den. I've been in several stores, some more shady than others, but I think the Lions Den was the best so far. Organized and (haha) well lit. Pretty good selection, too.
Honestly, though, the thing I find funniest about nearly all the shops I've been in is that they've been run by little ol' ladies. I like to stop and think about why people are at the job they're in, and I always wonder about these women. The world may never know...

Isn't that at the same exit off I-71 where the Prime outlets are?

Never been in there, but the outside of the place looks kinda creepy. Looks can be deceiving, I suppose.

[earl colby pottinger]

Plug-ins

While I know nothing about the devices you are talking about, as a computer tech I have seen what people do with wall-powered devices. The idea of such close contact with equipment abused the way I have seen them handled and what had been done to them is scary.

Most common problem is people breaking off the third pin, but now the device may be poorly grounded. And it will not take much current to do one in.

Second, bad storage/wrapping up of the power cord ends up stressing the point where the cord enters the device, either breaking the seal at this point or fraying the wire/insulation.

Plus I have seen, poorly made extensions of the main power cord itself, animals chewing on the power cord, and people always dropping devices to the point that what inside breaks and may no long be safe (and I mean people insisting on using a device that makes sparking noises or smokes).

[Dreamstalker]

Re: Plug in vibrators.

These are a relic of the past, they really are, somehow people don't get that introducing an item that is plugged into a wall socket into a wet area is a bad idea.

The ex told me he'd "build me something" for V-day O_o (yes, along those lines) O_O You know not what you're doing when it comes to electrical items. I'm not touching that with a ten-meter cattleprod (I offer up for evidence the Frankenlight of yore he sent me, a C-cell flashlight rigged to accept AC power by way of an old electric-blanket transformer...by his own admission it would catch fire after 30 seconds--no I didn't even try turning it on) Pointed queries as to why one does not usually see those anymore failed to jumpstart the gray matter. (is it callous that I expect him to either get in the running for or win a Darwin Award soon?)

Vibrators shaped like little people.
These are actually a historical relic, in the 19th century it wasn't acceptable(particularly in Asia) for a woman to have a "sex" toy, so dildo's were made in the shape of dolls, and disguised by dressing them up with doll clothes. For some freaking reason this idea has carried on to present day toys, and things are STILL produced that resemble people and have "faces" soooo creepy.

I've heard a few rumors (unfounded, possibly based on a combination of the above fact and that some kokeshi are tall and thin) that some kokeshi were produced for that reason
Cthulhu Dildo Cozy

[poofy_puff]

Thanks for the information . . . it sounds to me like it would be safer though to stick with battery-operated items.

It's not really that much safer (neither type is really UNSAFE unless you are using them IN THE WATER in which case, you might as well use a battery-operated hair-dryer FWIW), but the PLUG-IN vibrator NEVER runs out of...JUICE (no pun intended, but appropriate) at the CRITICAL MOMENT.

Seriously. I'm sure if people were being electrocuted by sex toys as much as these posts imply, we'd hear about it. *I* definitely wouldn't be here to type this if it were in fact so.

[Misanthropical]

Me: Hello, may I speak with x?
Angry Girlfriend: He ain't here right now? Who is this?
Me: I'm sorry, I'll call back at another time.
*click*

The phone inevitably rings and this is what transpires.

Me: *Porn store* How may I help you?
Angry girlfriend: Who the fuck is this? Who the fuck is x? Stay the fuck away from my man or I'll cut you.
Me: I'm sorry Ma'am It appears you have the wrong number.
Angry Girlfriend: Fuck you bitch, why are you fucking with my man? What did he tell you? You better stay away from him or I'll fucking kill you.
Me: I'm sorry ma'am I can't help you.

Seriously, WTF? Why wouldn't she cut him for cheating? I don't get women that blame the other woman.

I get jealous women on the phone all the time. I can only speak to the person who's name is on the bill, I can not speak to anyone else without that person's permission.

So, yes, I have been called all kinds of names because the wife or girlfriend just assumes I'm the other woman out to steal their man.

[Snowbird]

but the PLUG-IN vibrator NEVER runs out of...JUICE (no pun intended, but appropriate) at the CRITICAL MOMENT.

And this is why it's so good to invest in one that has a rechargeable plug in station.

Also, I have to wonder how long that last guy kept his girlfriends. Insensitive prick. Maybe if he let his girl try that tactic on him with a dildo and that cream, he'd be singing another song. A really high noted one.

[poofy_puff]

And this is why it's so good to invest in one that has a rechargeable plug in station.

That sure would be good for camping trips (not during a thunderstorm, though)! I am not sure if there are any good ones like that on the market. Most of the sex toys you see in typical porn-shops are on the order of gag-gift (again no pun intended!) quality. If you want something decent, expect to spend $50-$100 at the low end. And of course there's always the produce section of the supermarket.

[Gurndigarn]

Isn't that at the same exit off I-71 where the Prime outlets are?

Never been in there, but the outside of the place looks kinda creepy. Looks can be deceiving, I suppose.

Lion's Den is a chain. I know of at least three in Ohio. The one off I-71 is the smallest, the creepiest looking from the outside, and happens to be right next to a quicky motel and several major truck stops, which doesn't help the image any. I haven't been inside any of them, though, so I can't give you "inside" information.

[Becks]

I have the urge to go porn shop hopping again.