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Almost done with my first week of my Corrections Officer training. Not too much to report so far, since this week is all in-classroom training, but I have heard several good stories to share. Most of the stories involve everyone's favorite subject. Trust me, none of you have ever experienced these kind of poo situations.
The worst of the worst inmates are housed in a Segregation unit. One man per cell and they are only allowed out of their cells for 3 hours a week for showers (their are restrained whenever they leave their cells) and for Yard time (their Yard is a fenced in area about the size of a small dog pen through the back door of their cells). They take their meals in their cells, and this is accomplished by opening the Food Pass (a smaller door on their cell door big enough to slide a food tray in, or to have the inmate put their hands out to be cuffed before exiting). This is generally where Officers are hit by various bodily fluids. Almost every instructor has shared similar stories of inmates holding out a cup of poo and throwing it on them or dumping on their food tray before handing it back to them.
But that's not all....
Chief Sitting Bull(sh*t)
One of the inmates' favorite activities is to paint his face like a Native American warrior. They don't have paint, btw.
Can't Touch This
One Lieutenant recounted a story of her first day in the Segregation Unit. At meal time, she opened an inmate's Food Pass and he stuck his "manhood" through it. She slammed the Food Pass shut, and said "manhood" was caught in it. She ran to her Supervisor, fearing she would get in trouble (she didn't - it was considered a reasonable reactionary response to the inmate's behavior). They radioed for Medical to assist, and the Med team wanted to know the situation. They didn't want to say it on the radio and broadcast it to everyone, so they repeated the call. Med team again wanted to know the situation, so they told them what happened. Everyone who was able came running to see it. She said no one ever did that to her again
All By Myself...
A Sergeant was doing the morning count of inmates. He walked by one cell, then took a few more steps before he stopped and went back. He looked in the window of the door and saw the inmate, uh, doing the laundry by hand, and "keeping time through the backdoor with a broom handle." He told the guy, "I'll be back for you when you're finished." After he completed the count, he filled out a Disciplinary Report since this was Lewd Conduct, which is a Class 1 violation. Inmates can choke their chickens all they want, but they can't do it in plain sight where someone might see it. They have to at least cover up.
Taco Hell
An inmate who has been described to us as the worst "poo-flinger" has a life sentence, so we're stuck with him. He spends most of his time at the state Mental Health Hospital, but when they get tired of dealing with him they send him back to us. Then we send him back when we get tired of him, and so forth. One of the Captains told us that he witnessed this inmate lay a flour tortilla on the floor of his cell, take a dump on it, roll it up like a burrito, and eat it
I don't get to find out until Graduation where my Post is, but with my luck it'll be the Segregation Unit. Oh well, there's no shortage of stories there at least.
And back in the world of customers.....
Sigh
Last night, about 10 minutes to close, I was heading back to the break room when I heard a woman start complaining to the cashier. I had to stop and see how it played out.
SW = Sucky Woman
BF = Her non-sucky boyfriend
CS = Cashier
SW: Hey, this ATM ain't takin' his PIN.
CS: I'm sorry.
SW: Y'all need tuh fix it.
BF: They can't fix it because-
SW: It's their machine, they should be able tuh fix it.
CS: You'll have to contact the bank.
SW: But he needs to know how much money he has in his account!
CS: I-
BF: Look-
SW: HOW'S HE SUPPOS'D TUH KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY HE'S GOT IN HIS ACCOUNT IF Y'ALL'S MACHINE AIN'T TAKIN' HIS PIN?
CS: *shrug*
SW: Ugh, well if he ain't gonna help us, then who will?
At this point, the wild assbeast started stomping towards me, but her boyfriend put his hand on her arm and said to forget it because there was nothing we could do. It's too bad, really. I haven't had a good ol' fashioned customer verbal beatdown in over a month....
That's about it for this week. Next week should be fun. Monday we have Self Defense training, so we get to kick the crap out of each other. Tuesday and Wednesday are Firearms training. More Firearms and Self Defense on Thursday. Friday we have "Chemical Agents," which means that I get to be exposed to pepper spray and tear gas.
The worst of the worst inmates are housed in a Segregation unit. One man per cell and they are only allowed out of their cells for 3 hours a week for showers (their are restrained whenever they leave their cells) and for Yard time (their Yard is a fenced in area about the size of a small dog pen through the back door of their cells). They take their meals in their cells, and this is accomplished by opening the Food Pass (a smaller door on their cell door big enough to slide a food tray in, or to have the inmate put their hands out to be cuffed before exiting). This is generally where Officers are hit by various bodily fluids. Almost every instructor has shared similar stories of inmates holding out a cup of poo and throwing it on them or dumping on their food tray before handing it back to them.
But that's not all....
Chief Sitting Bull(sh*t)
One of the inmates' favorite activities is to paint his face like a Native American warrior. They don't have paint, btw.
Can't Touch This
One Lieutenant recounted a story of her first day in the Segregation Unit. At meal time, she opened an inmate's Food Pass and he stuck his "manhood" through it. She slammed the Food Pass shut, and said "manhood" was caught in it. She ran to her Supervisor, fearing she would get in trouble (she didn't - it was considered a reasonable reactionary response to the inmate's behavior). They radioed for Medical to assist, and the Med team wanted to know the situation. They didn't want to say it on the radio and broadcast it to everyone, so they repeated the call. Med team again wanted to know the situation, so they told them what happened. Everyone who was able came running to see it. She said no one ever did that to her again
All By Myself...
A Sergeant was doing the morning count of inmates. He walked by one cell, then took a few more steps before he stopped and went back. He looked in the window of the door and saw the inmate, uh, doing the laundry by hand, and "keeping time through the backdoor with a broom handle." He told the guy, "I'll be back for you when you're finished." After he completed the count, he filled out a Disciplinary Report since this was Lewd Conduct, which is a Class 1 violation. Inmates can choke their chickens all they want, but they can't do it in plain sight where someone might see it. They have to at least cover up.
Taco Hell
An inmate who has been described to us as the worst "poo-flinger" has a life sentence, so we're stuck with him. He spends most of his time at the state Mental Health Hospital, but when they get tired of dealing with him they send him back to us. Then we send him back when we get tired of him, and so forth. One of the Captains told us that he witnessed this inmate lay a flour tortilla on the floor of his cell, take a dump on it, roll it up like a burrito, and eat it
I don't get to find out until Graduation where my Post is, but with my luck it'll be the Segregation Unit. Oh well, there's no shortage of stories there at least.
And back in the world of customers.....
Sigh
Last night, about 10 minutes to close, I was heading back to the break room when I heard a woman start complaining to the cashier. I had to stop and see how it played out.
SW = Sucky Woman
BF = Her non-sucky boyfriend
CS = Cashier
SW: Hey, this ATM ain't takin' his PIN.
CS: I'm sorry.
SW: Y'all need tuh fix it.
BF: They can't fix it because-
SW: It's their machine, they should be able tuh fix it.
CS: You'll have to contact the bank.
SW: But he needs to know how much money he has in his account!
CS: I-
BF: Look-
SW: HOW'S HE SUPPOS'D TUH KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY HE'S GOT IN HIS ACCOUNT IF Y'ALL'S MACHINE AIN'T TAKIN' HIS PIN?
CS: *shrug*
SW: Ugh, well if he ain't gonna help us, then who will?
At this point, the wild assbeast started stomping towards me, but her boyfriend put his hand on her arm and said to forget it because there was nothing we could do. It's too bad, really. I haven't had a good ol' fashioned customer verbal beatdown in over a month....
That's about it for this week. Next week should be fun. Monday we have Self Defense training, so we get to kick the crap out of each other. Tuesday and Wednesday are Firearms training. More Firearms and Self Defense on Thursday. Friday we have "Chemical Agents," which means that I get to be exposed to pepper spray and tear gas.
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