I've Heard this Joke Before

[Gaki]

I've been having a rash of these.

Me: That will be X.XX. *holds out hand for money*
SC: *throws money on the counter right in front of my hand*

Bonus points if it actually brushes my fingertips. I had a 12 year old do this. Of course he probably won't anymore since I violently slammed my hand down on the money and dragged/crumpled it while looking him right in the eyes.

I've also been having another rash of people who refuse to stand at an open register. 2 out of the 3 registers are open and they will choose to stand at the ONLY ONE that has a sign saying that it is not open. And they will try to talk to me while I'm leaning on MY OPEN REGISTER and they get pissy when I won't walk over to get their money because SURPRISE, we have auto change machines, you're gonna have to come over here to get your change anyway.

"My pump doesn't work."
Well of course it doesn't work, you didn't prepay.
Well of course it doesn't work. You didn't hit the grade of gas you wanted.
Well of course it doesn't work, you slid your credit card the wrong way.
Well of course it doesn't work, it's got a bag over it for a reason.
Well of course it doesn't work. You've picked up the diesel handle.

"Will you just come out and help me?"
Yes I can after I've taken care of this whole line.
Yes I can once my partner comes back from going to the bathroom.
Yes I can after I'm finished helping this kind gentleman who asked first.

I.D.

Me: Can I see your I.D.
SC: How old do I look?
Me: ...................................
SC: .................uhmm....I mean. I was just giving you a hard time I mean I know it's your job.
Me: *holds out hand for I.D.*

Me: Can I see your I.D.?
SC: I don't have it. Can I get the cigarillos too?
Me: No.
SC: ...Oh. Gonna be like that huh?
Me: Yep.

I found a giant pile of toilet paper on the floor in the men's room that had been pissed on. I swept it into a dustpan and knocked it right into the men's room garbage can. Then I sprayed the whole place with vanilla body spray and mopped the floor with the same mop I use for the rest of the store. And people wonder how I sleep at night... I sleep fine.

SC: Can I have a carton of [brand of cigs]?
Me: I don't seem to have those right now. I do have the 100s though.
SC: I don't understand, why don't you ever have the cartons?
Me: Because they're not a high selling item so we're only auto-ordered one carton per week and that carton is put on the shelves. The order comes in on [day of the week] and you always come in the day before that when all the packs have been sold out.
SC: ......well you need to tell somebody about this. I'm never coming back.
Me: If you never come back then there's no need to say anything since we would never sell the extra carton we'd order. So would you like me to order another carton or would you like to never come back?
SC: ........hmf! *stomps out*

I work at a gas station. Not a bank or a phone store. I always thought that was pretty obvious but apparently not.

SC: And will that go right back on my card?
Me: If it's debit it should.
SC: No I'm asking you right now. Will that go right back on my card?
Me: That is a question you would have to direct to your bank as I do not work at a bank and could not tell you.
SC:

SC: I'm looking for [phone card].
Me: These are the ones I have.
SC: Those aren't it.
Me: Um...this is what...I have.
SC: Okay I'll look through them.

He comes back after I've waited on a few other people.

SC: Would this be it?
Me: I'm sure I wouldn't know. I don't know what you're looking for and I'm not sure what the differences are between them. I just sell them.
SC: Well is there anyone else who would know about these?
Me: I'm quite literally the only person here right now.
SC: THIS IS TERRIBLE. *throws down cards*
Me: Sir. We don't service phones. If you don't know what kind of phone you have, I can't help you. I don't work in a phone store.
SC: *stomps out*

SC: I want to fill it up.
Me: About how much?
SC: Full?
Me: I need a dollar amount.
SC: You mean I can't just fill my car? Can you just hold my card?
Me: No. If I put money on it from your card it'll go right back on your card if you don't use it all.
SC: ...oh. So...okay. I guess. This is very inconvenient.
Me: Yeah. I know. I've heard it before.
SC: ...I guess so...hmm.

I think next time I hear "I'd like to fill it up" I'll just tell them "I've heard this joke before."

[blas]

Maybe if my ex bf goes to your store, he'll brighten your day with his lame sex jokes and go "Mmm, I'd like to fill you up!"

It's pretty hard to have a conversation with him. He can make anything sexual. But, it's kinda funny and makes the day go by.

[Tama]

Sorry, sir, I'm not a thimble...

[dalesys]

..."Mmm, I'd like to fill you up!"

Will that be a Willie Dixon* or a Mary Poppins spoonful?

*(what an appropriate name!)

[Halo_miles]

I'm still trying to petition my store for the "bang head here" target stickers for the counters. I see this crap on a daily basis, and I wonder how I've not wound up in jail from all the terrible things that I would like to do to people.

[sms001]

Me: If you never come back then there's no need to say anything since we would never sell the extra carton we'd order. So would you like me to order another carton or would you like to never come back?

That's pure gold right there. Even eight years after leaving the c-store, I feel a lift just reading it.

[raudf]

It's seriously not hard to guesstimate how much your car holds. Really. My car holds about 10 gal, which runs around $35. Heck, if that's too hard, just pull a random number that sounds close to what you usually pump.. assuming you've been paying attention and not farting on the cell phone.. Or just make up a number and go with that.

*sigh* Yeah, I got stuck behind one of these a few days ago. Stupid, stupid person. I should have just shouted a random number and seen if the idiot took the brain bait.

[dalesys]

...seen if the idiot took the brain bait.

Did you put it on a #32 hook?

(aka guppy sized... which may be much too large)

[fireheart]

It's seriously not hard to guesstimate how much your car holds. Really. My car holds about 10 gal, which runs around $35. Heck, if that's too hard, just pull a random number that sounds close to what you usually pump.. assuming you've been paying attention and not farting on the cell phone.. Or just make up a number and go with that.

*sigh* Yeah, I got stuck behind one of these a few days ago. Stupid, stupid person. I should have just shouted a random number and seen if the idiot took the brain bait.

Most car manuals (ie service logs and whatnot) should have in there the information about how much your tank can hold. Mine can hold 45L while my partners can hold 70L. I usually work out that the halfway mark on my car is about 25-30L and fill up. $20 gets me about 15L more or less.

[wolfie]

"My pump doesn't work."
Well of course it doesn't work. You've picked up the diesel handle.

When they prepaid, had they asked for the number on the gas side of that pump, or were you assuming they were going to misfuel their vehicle?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Maybe if my ex bf goes to your store, he'll brighten your day with his lame sex jokes and go "Mmm, I'd like to fill you up!"

It's pretty hard to have a conversation with him. He can make anything sexual. But, it's kinda funny and makes the day go by.

A guy after my own heart!

[sms001]

"My pump doesn't work."
Well of course it doesn't work. You've picked up the diesel handle.

When they prepaid, had they asked for the number on the gas side of that pump, or were you assuming they were going to misfuel their vehicle?

Haven't pulled up to a diesel pump in a while, but I often see them "bundled" in the same housing as standard fuel. My usual place, in fact, makes no distinction between standard and alternative fuels in any part of the process except which handle I choose. Also (as I'm sure you're aware) there are quite a few cars that run on diesel that are indistinguishable from their regular counter-parts. Jettas spring to mind.

[Gaki]

When they prepaid, had they asked for the number on the gas side of that pump, or were you assuming they were going to misfuel their vehicle?

At my store we have four pumps that have both a diesel handle and a regular gas handle. The diesel handle is green and when you pick it up the button you would press for "diesel" lights up. If you pick up the black one then all the different octanes of fuel will light up for you to choose. The diesel nozzle literally CANNOT fit in a non-diesel car. Often when people will lift the diesel handle which says "diesel" on it and all around it and their first response is: "My pump doesn't work, I don't want diesel." Cue me telling them that they need to pick up the black pump if they want anything other than diesel.

[Mikkel]

I'll have to remember that, because it's the opposite here. The diesel handle is black and the rest are green.

[pltkcelestial18]

I've been having a rash of these.

Me: That will be X.XX. *holds out hand for money*
SC: *throws money on the counter right in front of my hand*

Bonus points if it actually brushes my fingertips. I had a 12 year old do this. Of course he probably won't anymore since I violently slammed my hand down on the money and dragged/crumpled it while looking him right in the eyes.

This annoys me to no end, especially if they throw their money on the belt while it's moving. I try to be nice to people, but I know I probably come across as super annoyed when people do this.

SC: I want to fill it up.
Me: About how much?
SC: Full?
Me: I need a dollar amount.
SC: You mean I can't just fill my car? Can you just hold my card?
Me: No. If I put money on it from your card it'll go right back on your card if you don't use it all.
SC: ...oh. So...okay. I guess. This is very inconvenient.
Me: Yeah. I know. I've heard it before.
SC: ...I guess so...hmm.

I think next time I hear "I'd like to fill it up" I'll just tell them "I've heard this joke before."

I work at a grocery store, but I've been out at the fuel center all week because someone's on vacation and have been dealing with this. Every gas station I've gotten gas from in the last 5+ years has been prepay with the exception of one, and they ended up being prepay too shortly after I stopped working there. The store I work at is fairly close to a major airport, so I can understand being from out of town, but that still doesn't change that we're prepay. I also honestly doubt that everyone that complains about prepay is from out of town. Prepay seems so commonplace now that people just need to suck it up and deal with it.