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Things I am NOT (warning- potentially excessive ranting contained herein)
An ATM
The ATM is over there in the corner, and it doesn't charge. Yes I AM going to charge you for cashback from the till. No I will not give you £11 rather than the £10 you specified because it's "your money"- that £1 ISN'T yours anymore, it's a CHARGE. NO, you CANNOT have a scratchcard with the £1 I've "thieved", IT'S A F---ING CHARGE
Cashback through the till costs our company money, approx £1 for each transaction between our system and your bank account- why should they foot the bill when you CANNOT BE ARSED to walk 10 feet to the actual ATM?
(We can turn the charge off, but it takes a few minutes and is only to be done when the ATM breaks down... which is not exactly rare...)
The Weather Man
I kinda have myself to blame for this one... random customer talking about the weather, says it meant to rain more and more all weekend blah blah blah, i make the mistake of mentioning that I'd looked at the local forecast earlier in the morning which said it would get warmer and sunnier as the week progressed.
OhdeargodwhathaveIdone?
Now every 5 minutes random customers are asking for random meteorological information... "will it be wet sunday morning?" "x/y/z sports fixture in s---hole-next-town-over, will it be sunny?"... must've been a town meeting to declare me weatherologist of science or something...
Fmybrain
A Road Atlas
If you want directions within this little spit on the map, I can usually help, I've been all over and know 90% of this town perfectly. IF however you want directions to some town/village/hamlet/service station, you do not get mardy with me when I tell you to get on the main road (situated outside the door you just walked in 5 seconds ago) and follow the signs. Or worse still, never heard of the place. Or even better, looking for directions to a completely fictitious location...
And finally...
The things I get called instead of my name. Certain customers use my name- some I'm fine with, some I'm not (I'm sure a lot of people here will understand this), but generally I get called other things. Most things, I'm fine with; mate, pal, bud, buddy, my friend (additional points for this one in a foreign language!),dude, sir (wtf?), even squire is fine by me (although I reserve the right to chuckle to myself about you, you friendly wanker), because I understand them, I know what they mean, I use them myself (well... most of them)
BUT I cannot for the LIFE of me understand the myriad colloquialisms! It irks me. It irks me good. Or maybe bad. I'm not sure... The point is, it gets on my nerves for some reason when I get called things like:
me'duck
me'chuck
me'ode duck
me'china
and the winner by a country mile...
me'ode chuckie egg
I just... I... I just don't get it... What does it MEAN? What does ANY of it MEAN??
I know, it's not insulting or malicious, it's supposed to be endearing or something, and there is a lot worse I could moan about, but sometimes the little things keep digging and digging and you just gotta vent.
The ATM is over there in the corner, and it doesn't charge. Yes I AM going to charge you for cashback from the till. No I will not give you £11 rather than the £10 you specified because it's "your money"- that £1 ISN'T yours anymore, it's a CHARGE. NO, you CANNOT have a scratchcard with the £1 I've "thieved", IT'S A F---ING CHARGE
Cashback through the till costs our company money, approx £1 for each transaction between our system and your bank account- why should they foot the bill when you CANNOT BE ARSED to walk 10 feet to the actual ATM?
(We can turn the charge off, but it takes a few minutes and is only to be done when the ATM breaks down... which is not exactly rare...)
The Weather Man
I kinda have myself to blame for this one... random customer talking about the weather, says it meant to rain more and more all weekend blah blah blah, i make the mistake of mentioning that I'd looked at the local forecast earlier in the morning which said it would get warmer and sunnier as the week progressed.
OhdeargodwhathaveIdone?
Now every 5 minutes random customers are asking for random meteorological information... "will it be wet sunday morning?" "x/y/z sports fixture in s---hole-next-town-over, will it be sunny?"... must've been a town meeting to declare me weatherologist of science or something...
Fmybrain
A Road Atlas
If you want directions within this little spit on the map, I can usually help, I've been all over and know 90% of this town perfectly. IF however you want directions to some town/village/hamlet/service station, you do not get mardy with me when I tell you to get on the main road (situated outside the door you just walked in 5 seconds ago) and follow the signs. Or worse still, never heard of the place. Or even better, looking for directions to a completely fictitious location...
And finally...
The things I get called instead of my name. Certain customers use my name- some I'm fine with, some I'm not (I'm sure a lot of people here will understand this), but generally I get called other things. Most things, I'm fine with; mate, pal, bud, buddy, my friend (additional points for this one in a foreign language!),dude, sir (wtf?), even squire is fine by me (although I reserve the right to chuckle to myself about you, you friendly wanker), because I understand them, I know what they mean, I use them myself (well... most of them)
BUT I cannot for the LIFE of me understand the myriad colloquialisms! It irks me. It irks me good. Or maybe bad. I'm not sure... The point is, it gets on my nerves for some reason when I get called things like:
me'duck
me'chuck
me'ode duck
me'china
and the winner by a country mile...
me'ode chuckie egg
I just... I... I just don't get it... What does it MEAN? What does ANY of it MEAN??
I know, it's not insulting or malicious, it's supposed to be endearing or something, and there is a lot worse I could moan about, but sometimes the little things keep digging and digging and you just gotta vent.
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