Can't really be of much help, but I'll keep a candle lit.
Announcement
Collapse
No announcement yet.
Some abusers just don't quit
Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
-
Quoth Eireann View PostI doubt that contacting his wife would help. Also, since I'm going to sic the law on him, I don't want to do anything that would jeopardize my case. As for his wife, he may well be abusing her, too, and if so, she's probably too afraid to say or do anything.
This guy used to hit me, but not in a way that I could complain to the police. He slapped my hand - hard, and it hurt, and he knew it hurt. He bruised me, and once raised a knot on the back of my hand. Each time he did it, he smiled. And he set me up so that he would have the opportunity to slap my hand.
At the time, though, I still thought he was, more or less, one of the good guys, and I thought that the slapping was just one of those things you don't like about the other person. After I came to realize what a shit he was (and is!), I didn't feel right going to the police. Women have been killed by their significant others; they've had bones broken and teeth knocked out; they've suffered brain damage; they've been scarred physically as well as emotionally. It didn't feel right to go to the police (especially since we were no longer together) and report him as an abuser because he'd done something so minor, as I saw it. And I felt that the police wouldn't take me seriously. I may well have been right.
Quoth Eireann View PostAccountingDrone, one thing I did do was to download an app to my smartphone. When anyone calls me, a little recording icon appears on the screen. It doesn't seem likely that he'll go so far as to call me (I don't think my phone number is online, but I don't know), but if he does, I can record it. And my state allows phone calls to be recorded without the other party to the call being aware of it.
I'm taking full legal action against him. Not only is this harassment, it's an extension of the abuse he used to dish out on a regular basis. I now know his address, and I know his profession. I don't know where he works, but I have a pretty good idea.
As for taking full legal action against him ... go for it. Nail his ass to the wall. His wife might well thank you in her prayers.Customer service: More efficient than a Dementor's kiss
~ Mr Hero
Comment
-
While being out of country gives you a buffer, it's not absolute. Contacting the local authorities is probably a good idea. Get some more advice. Who knows, you might be able to get him on a "no entry" list. Maybe even the do not fly.
Comment
-
So far, he hasn't done anything against the law. I contacted an organization that works with victims of domestic violence, and even they didn't take me very seriously. The woman who answered my email used the word "uncomfortable" in describing my reaction to his attempts to contact me.
The facts of the matter are this: he hasn't threatened me (or anyone else) in any way. He hasn't made any kind of sexual overtures. He hasn't said anything about wanting to visit me, or about wanting to meet with me the next time I'm home. Those are the things the police will point out, I'm sure.
What he has done is to make repeated attempts to contact me, even after I blocked him on Facebook (which, in and of itself, should have been a clear sign that I have no interest in having any contact with him). By his own written admission, he's been looking for me "for some time". And this guy is married; what happily married man spends years trying to contact a former girlfriend? If he wanted to apologize for the way he treated me, he could have done so in the message that he sent on Facebook years ago. Or, he could have apologized in the email he sent last week. But he didn't.
I doubt that I can put him on any kind of Do Not Fly list, since he hasn't broken any laws. This country, unfortunately, doesn't take stalking very seriously, even though there is a law against it.
Yes, I've read (and I own) The Gift of Fear, that Bible for abuse victims everywhere. I kept thinking about something de Becker says in the book - that if someone calls you fifty times before you answer, you've just taught that person that it takes fifty calls to get you to answer. And I have no intention of teaching him that.
I finally remembered that an old friend of the family works in law enforcement. I have contacted this friend, and am awaiting a reply.
I still have that feeling that he'll be able to manipulate others to believe that, hey, he's just an old boyfriend who wanted to know how I was doing, and if I had a problem with it, I could have just told him, no need for all this fuss, wow, she really has a serious problem, doesn't she? Always playing the victim, his actions aren't his own; they're always the fault of someone else.
Then I think of the people who work in law enforcement, and all of the stories they've heard over the years. And this guy is a classic example of the Dunning-Kruger effect - stupid and untalented, yet with an unshakable belief that he has a genius IQ and more talent than the rest of the planet put together. He can't manipulate everybody. Not everyone is going to fall for that bullshit act.
Comment
-
Have I read it right, Eireann, that this lemon is currently living in the States?Engaged to the sweet Mytical He is my Black Dragon (and yes, a good one) strong, protective, the guardian. I am his Silver Dragon, always by his side, shining for him, cherishing him.
Comment
-
Hey! Lemons have excellent manners and behaviour and should in no way be maligned by being associated with this specimen.
If I may hand over to the cast of All's Well That Ends Well for their thoughts on him..
Second Lord:'He's a most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise-breaker, the owner of no one good quality.'(Act 3 sc 6)
And Mr.Lafeu your opinion of him?:'Methinks thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee'(Act 2 sc 3)
And finally to the Earl of Kent from King Lear...
'Thou art a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy,
worsted-stocking knave; a lily-liver'd, action-taking, whoreson,
glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue;
one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd in way of
good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave,
beggar, coward, pander, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch'(Act 2 sc 2)
And all of us agree!The Copyright Monster has made me tell you that my avatar is courtesy of the wonderful Alice XZ.And you don't want to annoy the Copyright Monster.
Comment
-
Marmalady, yes, he's living in the States. I found his address so that I can file a complaint with the relevant authorities if this situation escalates.
Kit-Ginevra, I LOVE it! That's exactly what he is!
I got an email from our friend in law enforcement, and said friend asked for this guy's name, which I was happy to give. I don't know what will happen as a result.
Has anyone else ever dealt with something like this? I've read many a story of stalking, but never one quite like the situation in which I find myself.
Comment
-
Quoth Eireann View Post
Has anyone else ever dealt with something like this? I've read many a story of stalking, but never one quite like the situation in which I find myself.EVE Online: 99% of the time you sit around waiting for something to happen, but that 1% of action is what hooks people like crack, you don't get interviewed by the BBC for a WoW raid.
Comment
-
Quoth Eireann View PostHas anyone else ever dealt with something like this? I've read many a story of stalking, but never one quite like the situation in which I find myself.
Yeah, except then he started calling me. In the mornings. "Just to see how you're doing." I am NOT a morning person and finally lost my temper and told him to knock it off.
Then he started calling me for advice about his relationship with his NEW girlfriend ... AND sent me an invite to the wedding! I was seeing a counsellor at the time and she asked me why I thought he'd sent me an invite ... she said in her opinion, he was expecting me to rush in and "rescue" him ....
Fat chance. I sent them a lovely card and that was it. If he married the girl he was seeing while he was asking me for advice, I am sorrier for her than I can express, because one of his questions was something along the lines of whether she was "suitable" ... because she had a cleft lip.
Seriously, you asshole, if you have to ASK somebody about that, you obviously don't love her and need to go invest in a blowup doll.Customer service: More efficient than a Dementor's kiss
~ Mr Hero
Comment
-
No news. I haven't heard back from the friend who works in law enforcement. I did find Asswipe on LinkedIn, and blocked him there. He's now blocked twice on Facebook, on LinkedIn, and on my email. He damned well better get the hint.
Comment
-
Quoth Eireann View PostNo news. I haven't heard back from the friend who works in law enforcement. I did find Asswipe on LinkedIn, and blocked him there. He's now blocked twice on Facebook, on LinkedIn, and on my email. He damned well better get the hint.Customer service: More efficient than a Dementor's kiss
~ Mr Hero
Comment
-
-
Quoth Eireann View PostYou can't block someone on your professional Facebook page unless the person posts something negative, abusive, inflammatory, etc. He sent me a PM. Facebook needs to get its ass in gear.Customer service: More efficient than a Dementor's kiss
~ Mr Hero
Comment
Comment