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A Phoenix's Fight.

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  • #31
    *crying/sobbing*

    I had an offer to go to Oregon. That got shot down.

    It's a long story, but my friend's mom said no to me being in his house (she owns it, I guess?). Apparently he has a trailer, but, like...I don't know where he's going to put it.

    I have a case of the depression-driven stupids, I'm sure.

    Why the hell can't I stay here? Why does it feel like everyone's saying no?

    Everybody's just now getting in on fixing this. I have until the 31st.

    Why do I think everything's gonna get perfect two weeks into September....when I'm long gone from SLC and it won't make a difference.

    That's how God works, I guess. Makes miracles long long LONG after you need the damn things. I don't know why I deal with Him if that's all that happens to me.

    Tell me why I'm alive. Tell me life is more than just getting my efforts stomped on.

    I moved here needing help, asking for help. I got told I was just lazy.

    Just like my entire life.
    Lazy, yep! That's me! I'm never sick! (just ignore that doctor!) I'm just a sponging asshole waiting to suck your life dry of any happiness! Nevermind that I applied to get the help I need. Nevermind that I tried everything I thought I could do.

    I DON'T HAVE IT ANYMORE.
    Last edited by RootedPhoenix; 08-23-2011, 04:01 AM. Reason: adding stuff
    1129. I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every police box we pass.
    -----
    http://orchidcolors.livejournal.com (A blog about everything and nothing)

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    • #32
      Quoth RootedPhoenix View Post
      Tell me why I'm alive. Tell me life is more than just getting my efforts stomped on.
      *Snooglies*

      You is here to halp me eat the bacons.

      Life is more than getting your efforts stomp-ed. It wants you someplace specific for a specific thing to happen to you first. It might be a Life Lesson, it might be crossing the path of a stranger for ten minutes, it might be ordering a coffee in a gas station and picking up a Penny Pinchers paper and finding your dream house. But Life, that bitchy annoying conniving little Woman, wants you to see something or do something and the path to seeing/doing that something might lie in Kingmen.

      Humans are a very transit species, they don't sit still for very long. You will miss your City you've grown to love and the people you've grown to love, yes. But you probably weren't meant to sit in Salt Lake forever.

      Or, mayhaps, you got there too soon. There are certain things you have to do in order to grow and live and love as a person. Some paths are a little more scenic than others (I know mine is, 12 states and counting).

      Bounce on over to the city-data forums, you don't have to be a member to do a little reading. I've looked Kingmen over and while it's not as nice as Salt Lake, you might enjoy the slightly slower pace. There isn't a whole lot of people (66K with the surrounding towns) and it gets very hot in the summer. But it doesn't get below freezing and the people are nice (by what I've read, at any rate). Rent looks to be fairly cheap as well ($300-$400 for someplace nice, for a 1/1, could go to the $550 neighbourhood for a 2/2 if you wanna get a roomie).

      You is lurved.
      Now a member of that alien race called Management.

      Yeah, you see that right. Pink. Harness.

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      • #33
        You are here because you are meant to be here. God doesn't make mistakes.

        Keep praying for guidance. I've always had good luck praying to St. Anthony and St. Jude. Ask for guidance from your guardian angels as well.

        Stay strong and hang in there. Something will come through.

        Also, Google "Footprints in the Sand"
        Last edited by BrightEyedKitty; 08-23-2011, 07:30 AM.
        You're focusing on the problem. If you focus on the problem, you can't see the solution. Never focus on the problem! --From Patch Adams

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        • #34
          RW is wise, so damn well listen! Try to think of all of this as a lesson: it's hard, horrible and stressful but there's something/s important that has to be learnt. I don't believe that God would allow it to happen otherwise. (Personal belief, not trying to convert). I'll be praying for you, I'm only ever a PM away.

          Besides, think of the bacon....why won't you think of the BACON??? *huge hugs*
          Don't tempt pixies, it never ends well.

          Avatar created by the lovely Eisa.

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          • #35
            You and me, Phoenix. We both know what it means to fight something as nebulous as depression especially when it seems the world wants to join it against you or doesn't seem to care. I have no words of help, just encouragement.

            You're not alone. You're not forgotten. Fight, and you never will be. It's all we can do.
            I have a...thing. Wanna see it?

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            • #36
              I hope it's okay to bump this thread with new news.

              I was able to stay in Salt Lake.

              I'm so grateful to be able to stay here. I'm thankful to God. I believe he made it possible.

              And I'm really glad for everybody who thought of me and sent prayers for me, sent me good thoughts, or even pent a passing moment thinking about me. It all helped.

              The place I found will only be there 'til January, but that's loads of time I didn't have before.

              *lets out sigh of relief*

              Now I can call the doctor and get the anxiety/depression/ADD mixture dealt with. I want out of this mental pit!
              Last edited by RootedPhoenix; 08-28-2011, 10:39 PM. Reason: clarification
              1129. I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every police box we pass.
              -----
              http://orchidcolors.livejournal.com (A blog about everything and nothing)

              Comment


              • #37
                I'm so glad for you! Good luck! And glad you'll be able to get the help you need.
                Driver Picks the Music, Shotgun Shuts His Cakehole.
                Supernatural 9-13-05 to forever

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                • #38
                  I've faced some days, where I've wondered why I am still alive. Just too stubborn I guess. If you ever need somebody to talk to, pm me. It's always darkest before the dawn, and I either I can give you some tips on being stubborn, or you can give me some
                  Engaged to the amazing Marmalady. She is my Silver Dragon, shining as bright as the sun. I her Black Dragon (though good honestly), dark as night..fierce and strong.

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                  • #39
                    I'm so happy for you! *hugs* Somewhere to stay until January gives you a lot more options and just that little bit more time to figure out how to get what you want. Thank you for holding on and toughing it out just that little bit longer, and thank you for organising a visit to the doctor. *Huge hugs* Still praying for you.
                    Don't tempt pixies, it never ends well.

                    Avatar created by the lovely Eisa.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      I'm still in Salt Lake.

                      Can't go to the doctor. No money at all.

                      Everything I do seems like it's wrong. I get told I "just don't want to do anything" when all I asked for was a little bit of assistance IRL.

                      I..I don't understand. What am I missing? Do I really need to call the wahhhhmbulance for myself, or...

                      I'm still keeping my head above water. Haven't tried anything stupid yet, so...small victories and all.
                      Last edited by RootedPhoenix; 09-13-2011, 03:46 AM. Reason: adding
                      1129. I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every police box we pass.
                      -----
                      http://orchidcolors.livejournal.com (A blog about everything and nothing)

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Is there state insurance you can get on?
                        "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

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                        • #42
                          I tried. I'm not disabled enough.

                          Thanks for the suggestion though
                          1129. I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every police box we pass.
                          -----
                          http://orchidcolors.livejournal.com (A blog about everything and nothing)

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            what doctors have you tried? some take sliding scale. some can volunteer their time. and get you medication samples..... have you tried volunteering? not only will that get you out (outside and out of your head), it's a good way to meet people -- someone who might be able to help you out or refer you to someone who can. someone who is moved to do so because of your actions and perseverance.

                            glad you've kept us updated. happier still you haven't done anything stupid. keep putting one foot in front of the other. even if it's only baby steps -- it's steps forward in the right direction! and celebrate your accomplishments! some days my biggest accomplishment is getting out of bed...... *wry grin*
                            Your story may not have such a happy beginning, but that doesn't make you who you are. It is the rest of your story who you choose to be. So who are you? - Kung Fu Panda 2

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                            • #44
                              Quoth RootedPhoenix View Post
                              I tried. I'm not disabled enough. Thanks for the suggestion though
                              I had it in California, without any disability. It was based on income. Of course, every state is different.
                              "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

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                              • #45
                                I can understand the disability issue. Find myself in the same boat. Need insurance to afford the test to prove I have a problem, need the test to prove I need the insurance.
                                Engaged to the amazing Marmalady. She is my Silver Dragon, shining as bright as the sun. I her Black Dragon (though good honestly), dark as night..fierce and strong.

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