This can't be your first rodeo, it's 2018

[icmedia]

I sell cellphones, among other things.

Anyone who has ever gotten a new cellphone, whether it was the first time or an upgrade, knows that next bill is going to be a doozy; you have activation fees, new phone payments, probably some proration if it happened in the middle of their bill cycle, and promotional bill credits always take a couple of months to kick in.

However. I assume that each and every one of my customers has been living under a rock since cellphones were invented, even if their account history tells me otherwise. I explain each and every charge, why it's going to be there, and even make a joke with EVERY customer that the first bill is what I call the "Heart Attack Bill." I do my best to give them a rough estimate of what to expect, and why. I even stop at three separate points to have them sign that they understood what I was telling them, and reiterate exactly what the signature is for.

Do you want to guess how many of them come back a few weeks later, bill in hand, to scream at me about the cost of their bill?

Today, I had a fine fellow offer to shove his new phone up my ass, so that's fun.

[Food Lady]

I go through similar when they are getting to the end of their contract rather than the beginning, or when they want to cancel early. They want to know why their contract ends next year and not now because they signed the renewal contract on X date and it was for so many months which end now. You have to finish out your first contract before renewing it and it says that right on the document you signed. In fact, you signed your name right underneath it. Those early cancellations are a chunk of money: a penalty on top of all the months you signed for and haven't paid yet. I've seen them up to $10,000. And no, it doesn't matter that the signer no longer works for your company. The company is still responsible. ugh