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I fear for your future patients

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  • I fear for your future patients

    Panacea mentioned in another thread about doctors having to take bed side manner classes. I have a story of someone who desperately needs those.

    Last summer my former best friend started her masters degree, She is going to be a Cognitive therapist, which I find hilarious because after knowing her for so long she is someone who needs to see a cognitive therapist. She refuses to change her behavior, she once told me that she refused to change for anyone and she is who she is. Even if that meant she would make me cry, or was super flirty and lead guys on, which in some cases got her into a lot of trouble and she has had more then one stalker because of it.

    Anyway here are a few things that make me worry about her future patients: During a low point where I was considering suicide, I went to her because I was scared and knew she could be someone who could get me help, even though at the time I almost didn't want help. She told me I was making her feel bad and I was a bad person for it. She never contacted anyone about it, in fact she didn't speak to me for three days after I left her house, then texted me to see if I wanted to set up a time with my parents so I could talk to them when she was there, basically do you want to set up an appointment. She knew I was at a low point and that she was my last hope since I was too down to go to anyone else. For all she knew I could have been in the hospital or had hurt myself by then. I realize that going to someone and saying there is a high possibility I'm going to kill myself and you are the only one can prevent it, is a very very stressful thing. I know from experience since I was the one who called her family and her therapist when she threatened it herself many years back when we were teens, frankly having to do that at a young age scarred me and is something I will never forget. She is going into this profession, she was starting her masters in it, if you can't help save someone you call your best friend then how can you do it for a patient. At the very least how can you push that person down more when you know they are already at a bad point. At the time she was even considering volunteering for a suicide hotline.

    The next reason I worry is remember how I mentioned she flirts a lot, and she has had stalkers because of it? She has had three, a former boyfriend, and two coworkers, along with friends and guys not wanting to spend time with her because of how flirty she gets with friend's boyfriends and guys in the group. Her work study is working at a boys group home working with boys who have had traumatic experiences and other issues, I forgot exactly what else is treated at the group home. Anyone else seeing bad things happening? She is also the type to refuse to go to supervisors about things like when the coworkers starting to stalk her. Both times I had to go into her work with her and force her to speak to a supervisor to get it taken care of. I'm worried about one of the boys being very (understandably) confused about her behavior and something happening because of it, then her not going to a supervisor.

    She just doesn't have people skills, and when you are supposed to talk to people to help them. You aren't going to help them, especially when you are teaching them how to change their behavior and emotional responses when you can't and refuse to do it yourself.

    If you are wondering I'm still working on my depression, I'm much better since then and have cut her out of my life, so has another friend who was also hurt by her. In fact I'm a lot better since I cut her out of my life, I found that she was starting to worsen my depression by treating me badly and telling me I was relying on my other friends too much and being a burden to them, turns out none of them felt that way.

    I kinda needed to get that out, hopefully this is the right area for it, I thought since she is becoming a doctor it might belong in sickbay.
    Last edited by Squeaksmyalias; 04-13-2011, 06:53 PM.
    I'm the 5th horsemen of the apocalypse. Bringer of giggly bouncy doom, they don't talk about me much.

  • #2
    Your friend sounds like my first boyfriend. Somoene who is wholly unresponsive to the needs of others but expects people to drop everything and run to them.

    I agree, it's interesting what makes people like this want to enter the psychiatric health field. But one thing you can be sure of is that if a patient threatens suicide and she doesn't say something, she will have her lisence yanked and could get into some very serious legal trouble.

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    • #3
      Quoth NateTheChops View Post
      Your friend sounds like my first boyfriend. Somoene who is wholly unresponsive to the needs of others but expects people to drop everything and run to them.
      That's exactly how she was, I actually would spend hours dissecting conversations she had with people for her, because she thought they were mad at her, or she was confused about their reactions because she would get too emotional. I would have to translate for her basically because she would take everything as emotional. Ex: No your boyfriend isn't mad at you, he just has NO idea you are fighting which is why he isn't discussing it. She and logic didn't get along, that is the best way to describe it, logic VS emotion, emotion won out every time. Which meant I would spend time helping her understand other people's point of view, or deal with her panicking. When it came to me needing advice or help she didn't have time, or I should make an appointment or I was being mean to her for getting upset, and telling me I was being unfair for expecting her to change, like learning to compromise or learning to calm down so I could deal with her when she was panicking. Oddly enough when she would talk about her studies it was %100 by the book and all very clinical.
      I'm the 5th horsemen of the apocalypse. Bringer of giggly bouncy doom, they don't talk about me much.

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      • #4
        As someone who gets suicidal at times - I now see a therapist and am on psychiatrist prescribed anti-depressants - I want to drop kick your ex friend right out of her field.

        Not report someone when they come to you for help? And she's WORKING ON HER MASTER'S?! #*#$^)^%*&@#()$*&_(*$^%+)(&%+)(&^^$%

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        • #5
          Hopefully her mentors in the masters program will recognize this problem she's got (probably she has to do some interactions with patients while under observation) and let her know in no uncertain terms that she's unsuited for the profession she's chosen. Unfortunately this person sounds like she won't take a gentle hint; they probably will have to whap her upside the head with the clue-by-4 to get her attention. Even then expect lots of ranting about how unfair it is.

          (BPD maybe? There was a discussion on bujold-L about the character of Tien Vorsoisson and whether he typified someone with BPD; the consensus was yes, especially by listies who have had to deal with such persons.)

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          • #6
            I hope her mentors notice it, I really am concerned for her patients especially since she is working with teenage boys. Lost of guys would be confused or annoyed if a tall busty pretty blonde asked him if he thought she was pretty, or flirted a lot (it's one thing to be friendly and all that but she is REALLY flirty), then get annoyed and tell him she had a boyfriend if the guy would ask her out or got too flirty himself. She has done that in all sorts of situations, several people have noticed she does it if she is feeling out of place or awkward to make herself feel better, she has said she does it to be funny, I've seen her more then once run up to a stranger on the street and ask him if he thought she was pretty . If you were a already a hurting confused hormone filled teenager boy and she acted like that with you, it's going to cause a hell of a lot more confusion. Not that her looks should really have anything to do with it I'm just letting you know what others have pointed out and I agree with, but really any person who acts like that could get into trouble if they act like that with their patient no matter their looks.
            The guys who have hung out with her have pointed that out, if she doesn't know how to control her behavior with guys now, and she acts even just a little out of line with one of her patients when she is trying to be "funny" at the very least she is going to get into trouble with another doctor. These guys have had her act like that with them, and it made them feel uncomfortable since a) these guys in the group are good guys and b) they know she has a boyfriend and c) she has acted like an icy bitch otherwise. They said she needs to have the attention on her, and they didn't appreciate her acting that way since she has a boyfriend and she is just using them for an ego boost.

            She really should know better, she lost her original therapist and was switched to a female therapist because he explained to her he didn't appreciate her wearing shirts that said " Have you met the twins" and similar shirts making sure to point the words out to him and asking him questions, because it was obvious she was doing it to get a reaction from him. He didn't want to put himself into a situation that could get him into trouble. Her new therapist then tried to work on her behavior about it but apparently it didn't sink in at all. She knew all these things, she told me all of that, yet she does it and she seems to understand it but at the same time she doesn't, and her response to it was she thought it was funny that he dumped her as a patient.

            Shalom, it could be borderline, she has never mentioned having it and the two of us have always discussed that sort of thing, odd I know, but we both went into therapy around the same time so it was something we talked about. She did have a traumatic childhood event, what happened would explain why she relies on men's attention too much, at the same time this behavior a fairly recent thing, her sister once said it was like it hit her that she was a babe and she decided to make sure the rest of the world knew it. Also her boyfriend is a laid back guy, it's like she is trying to make him jealous, I feel bad for him but at the same time he knows how she is and not standing up for himself.
            Last edited by Squeaksmyalias; 04-14-2011, 05:22 PM.
            I'm the 5th horsemen of the apocalypse. Bringer of giggly bouncy doom, they don't talk about me much.

            Comment


            • #7
              I'm confused. Why are you friends with her?
              How was I supposed to know someone was slipping you Birth Control in the food I've been making for you lately?

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              • #8
                Quoth Soulstealer View Post
                I'm confused. Why are you friends with her?
                I'm not anymore, I cut her out of my life. Honestly the only reason I still have her on FB (I don't speak to her at all there) is because I'm friends with her aunt and don't want to drag a really nice lady into potential drama when she sees I've un-friended her niece, when the niece freaks out about what a jerk I am or something, she trash talks people on FB, so far she hasn't cause I'm still there, that I know of at least. I haven't spoken to her since November when It really hit me that I was basically there to make her feel better about herself.
                It shouldn't have taken me so long to realize it, but when you are already in a bad place you start to think your friend is right when she says you are relying too much on other friends and becoming a bother to them. So for a while she was really my only friend because I didn't want to bother others. It mental abuse, I only saw another mutual friend of ours when she wanted to, or her boyfriend because of the way she made me feel. That mutual friend started inviting me to hang out with her group of friends, I realized not everyone hated me and I could make friends with new people so I cut her out of my life, as did that mutual friend because of how I was treated and how the future doctor was acting with the guys in the mutual friend's group when she would see them.

                I'm happier without her, I'm more relaxed and starting to become more outgoing. I still have issues but I'm working on them and I don't plan on ever having her back in my life.
                I'm the 5th horsemen of the apocalypse. Bringer of giggly bouncy doom, they don't talk about me much.

                Comment


                • #9
                  My boyfriend wants to be a physical therapist. I'm really hoping he drops that idea. Of course, the number one reason is the income (and he read somewhere supposedly that they are in high demand and the demand is only going to go up).

                  I don't have the heart to tell him, but there's no way he'd be able to handle it. He already can barely handle taking generals at the local tech school. He's already ripping his hair out over microeconomics and just beyond high school math. That and he doesn't take his medications for his (really really bad) ADHD symptoms. He's not a mean or unprofessional person, but he has absolutely no control over what comes out of his mouth and he never knows when to shut up.

                  I know it's horrible to shit on people's dreams, but I'd fear if he ever did become a physical therapist.
                  You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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                  • #10
                    Quoth blas View Post
                    My boyfriend wants to be a physical therapist. I'm really hoping he drops that idea. Of course, the number one reason is the income (and he read somewhere supposedly that they are in high demand and the demand is only going to go up).

                    I don't have the heart to tell him, but there's no way he'd be able to handle it. He already can barely handle taking generals at the local tech school. He's already ripping his hair out over microeconomics and just beyond high school math. That and he doesn't take his medications for his (really really bad) ADHD symptoms. He's not a mean or unprofessional person, but he has absolutely no control over what comes out of his mouth and he never knows when to shut up.

                    I know it's horrible to shit on people's dreams, but I'd fear if he ever did become a physical therapist.
                    A lot of his difficulties would probably go away if he would just take his ADHD meds.

                    I see this with my students: quite a few have marked improvement on test scores when they start taking their medication on a regular and continued basis.
                    They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

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                    • #11
                      As a patient:
                      Physiotherapists need to be patient, caring people. They need to be able to identify and correctly handle a frustrated cry from a patient who's actually trying as hard as they can, vs a shitfit from an EW who wants things to be easy.

                      The best physios can give the frustrated patient the necessary words of support, and the necessary understanding - and then turn around and 'brick wall' the EW's shitfit and all-but-force them to continue their exercises.

                      IMO, anyway.
                      Seshat's self-help guide:
                      1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
                      2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
                      3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
                      4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

                      "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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