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So, I’m visiting my wolfie this weekend. I worked a short shift at work on Friday, and from there caught a metro to the Greyhound station and zipped off for the weekend. Of course this, being me, means the sailing (er…bussing…) was anything but smooth.
To the Greyhound Station
So, I’m on the city bus to the Greyhound station and the bus is fairly crowded. When it comes to my stop, I go to board, and pull my small suitcase aboard. Aaaand, cue male asshole with baby lecturing me.
AWB: You need to be more careful!
Me: Um, I’m sorry, did I hit you with my bag…? (Entirely possible, it was rather crowded and I was trying, but the aisles on the bus are a bit narrower than can be comfortable.)
AWB: Nonono, you need to be more careful going out dressed like THAT
Me: Um…
AWB: Dressed like that, you’ll end up with one of THESE (he indicates the baby he’s helping)
Me: …
AWB: Although <lllllleeeeeeeeeeerrrss> if you want one o’ these I volunteer to help.
Me: …
AWB: <Leers some more>
Me: Oh. OOohhhhh!!! So…so by calling me slutty and mplying promiscuity and a desire to get pregnant, you’re HITTING on me!
AWB: <Blinks>
Me: <SARCASM ON!> I guess we’re just in two different leagues, because see, to ME, that’s more insulting and degrading and is more like to make me undergo a self hysterectomy with a CHAINSAW!
AWB: <Stares dumbfounded and I beat a hasty retreat to the back of the bus>
Aaand, still on city bus…
So, I’ve moved to the back of the bus, and I’m standing with my suitcase off to the side, and people are crowded on the bus. It’s near one of the main transit centers, so it’s really standing room only. And here comes another guy who ever so slowly is creeping backwards. Every time the bus stops, he takes another step back into me, regardless of whether anyone boards or not.
Finally, the bus empties out enough, and there’s plenty of room. And he keeps backing up. And I get elbowed. I think he was aiming for specific parts, but missed, I got elbowed in the arm, because I turned, but at that point, I employed the choir voice. Meaning I was in theory speaking quietly, but still projecting for everyone around to hear.
“Excuse me, sir!! Can you step forward a bit now that there’s plenty of room? I’m claustrophobic and you’ve already elbowed me once already!!”
He moved rather quickly…
Yay, greyhound, finally! Finally a smooth trip…or not…
So, I’m at the station, I’ve boarded the bus, it looks like we’re all ready to leave. And on time, even!! Wooot!! The bus was scheduled to depart at 2:30 pm. It’s 2:30, and everyone’s on the bus.
Or…not…
Oh, lookie, an EW. This EW showed up late, but still, she had her ticket, so she waltzes up to the bus and tries to climb aboard. The Driver tries to tell her that she can’t board until she lets him get off the bus and gives him her ticket. She’s blathering on her cell phone, and of course, ignores him.
D: Ma’am, you can’t board until you let me off
EW: <blatherblather tries to shove past driver>
D: Ma’am! I need to get off and see your ticket!
EW: <blatherblatherblather>
The driver finally gets her attention, and gets her ticket and she boards. She then tries to roll her bag down the aisle of the bus, and it’s not wide enough. She still tries!!
Of course, then she stops in the middle of the bus and starts looking around. Then:
EW: WHY THERE NO EMPTY SEATS ON THIS BUS!? WHY THERE NO EMPTY SEATS UP FRONT!?!
She was standing right by MY seat, mind you and glaring around. I was near the front, but not in any of the reserved for elderly and handicapped seats. Maybe she thought someone would feel bad for her…?
I don’t know, but she finally FINALLY got herself situated and we were able to get the hell out of Houston, so I could get on the road to see mah wolfie. Yay!!
The saga of GhettoMonkey
So, for the duration of the trip, I was sitting in front of someone I have dubbed GhettoMonkey. GhettoMonkey is every walking stereotypical black man/gangster you’ve ever seen in a movie or rap music video. No, I’m not kidding. How do I know? No, I wasn’t just judging based on appearance, I was going by the snippets of phone conversation I overheard, because, you see, he was on his cell phone THE ENTIRE FRICKIN’ trip.
No, wait. He stopped for 10 minutes here and there, but dayum…
So, snippets from the saga of GhettoMonkey?
“Naw, naw, man, see, my baby mama gon be sleepin’, so I’m gon down there like planned, but my homeboy, he gon be investigatin’.”
“See, naw, I’m gon down there, but I gotta play a role like I don know.”
“Naw, naw, listen to what I’m sayin’, nigga, I’m tryin’ to tell ya, my babymama is sleepin, and I on the way there now.”
And this continued. From what I heard, GhettoMonkey’s having a rough go of it. Something about another woman telling lies and his babymama may or may not be in on it, but he’s got to go to san Antonio and play along because some board is investigating something or other and he has to see if it’s going to play out. Or something.
Buh!
But, yaaaay, I finally made it to San Antonio, relatively unscathed. And now, stay tuned for my next thread, “Fiesta Follies: Or, Lupo and Wolfie vs. Carnies, Kids and Idiot Parents”
To the Greyhound Station
So, I’m on the city bus to the Greyhound station and the bus is fairly crowded. When it comes to my stop, I go to board, and pull my small suitcase aboard. Aaaand, cue male asshole with baby lecturing me.
AWB: You need to be more careful!
Me: Um, I’m sorry, did I hit you with my bag…? (Entirely possible, it was rather crowded and I was trying, but the aisles on the bus are a bit narrower than can be comfortable.)
AWB: Nonono, you need to be more careful going out dressed like THAT
Me: Um…
AWB: Dressed like that, you’ll end up with one of THESE (he indicates the baby he’s helping)
Me: …
AWB: Although <lllllleeeeeeeeeeerrrss> if you want one o’ these I volunteer to help.
Me: …
AWB: <Leers some more>
Me: Oh. OOohhhhh!!! So…so by calling me slutty and mplying promiscuity and a desire to get pregnant, you’re HITTING on me!
AWB: <Blinks>
Me: <SARCASM ON!> I guess we’re just in two different leagues, because see, to ME, that’s more insulting and degrading and is more like to make me undergo a self hysterectomy with a CHAINSAW!
AWB: <Stares dumbfounded and I beat a hasty retreat to the back of the bus>
Aaand, still on city bus…
So, I’ve moved to the back of the bus, and I’m standing with my suitcase off to the side, and people are crowded on the bus. It’s near one of the main transit centers, so it’s really standing room only. And here comes another guy who ever so slowly is creeping backwards. Every time the bus stops, he takes another step back into me, regardless of whether anyone boards or not.
Finally, the bus empties out enough, and there’s plenty of room. And he keeps backing up. And I get elbowed. I think he was aiming for specific parts, but missed, I got elbowed in the arm, because I turned, but at that point, I employed the choir voice. Meaning I was in theory speaking quietly, but still projecting for everyone around to hear.
“Excuse me, sir!! Can you step forward a bit now that there’s plenty of room? I’m claustrophobic and you’ve already elbowed me once already!!”
He moved rather quickly…
Yay, greyhound, finally! Finally a smooth trip…or not…
So, I’m at the station, I’ve boarded the bus, it looks like we’re all ready to leave. And on time, even!! Wooot!! The bus was scheduled to depart at 2:30 pm. It’s 2:30, and everyone’s on the bus.
Or…not…
Oh, lookie, an EW. This EW showed up late, but still, she had her ticket, so she waltzes up to the bus and tries to climb aboard. The Driver tries to tell her that she can’t board until she lets him get off the bus and gives him her ticket. She’s blathering on her cell phone, and of course, ignores him.
D: Ma’am, you can’t board until you let me off
EW: <blatherblather tries to shove past driver>
D: Ma’am! I need to get off and see your ticket!
EW: <blatherblatherblather>
The driver finally gets her attention, and gets her ticket and she boards. She then tries to roll her bag down the aisle of the bus, and it’s not wide enough. She still tries!!
Of course, then she stops in the middle of the bus and starts looking around. Then:
EW: WHY THERE NO EMPTY SEATS ON THIS BUS!? WHY THERE NO EMPTY SEATS UP FRONT!?!
She was standing right by MY seat, mind you and glaring around. I was near the front, but not in any of the reserved for elderly and handicapped seats. Maybe she thought someone would feel bad for her…?
I don’t know, but she finally FINALLY got herself situated and we were able to get the hell out of Houston, so I could get on the road to see mah wolfie. Yay!!
The saga of GhettoMonkey
So, for the duration of the trip, I was sitting in front of someone I have dubbed GhettoMonkey. GhettoMonkey is every walking stereotypical black man/gangster you’ve ever seen in a movie or rap music video. No, I’m not kidding. How do I know? No, I wasn’t just judging based on appearance, I was going by the snippets of phone conversation I overheard, because, you see, he was on his cell phone THE ENTIRE FRICKIN’ trip.
No, wait. He stopped for 10 minutes here and there, but dayum…
So, snippets from the saga of GhettoMonkey?
“Naw, naw, man, see, my baby mama gon be sleepin’, so I’m gon down there like planned, but my homeboy, he gon be investigatin’.”
“See, naw, I’m gon down there, but I gotta play a role like I don know.”
“Naw, naw, listen to what I’m sayin’, nigga, I’m tryin’ to tell ya, my babymama is sleepin, and I on the way there now.”
And this continued. From what I heard, GhettoMonkey’s having a rough go of it. Something about another woman telling lies and his babymama may or may not be in on it, but he’s got to go to san Antonio and play along because some board is investigating something or other and he has to see if it’s going to play out. Or something.
Buh!
But, yaaaay, I finally made it to San Antonio, relatively unscathed. And now, stay tuned for my next thread, “Fiesta Follies: Or, Lupo and Wolfie vs. Carnies, Kids and Idiot Parents”
I'm gonna go smooch with my man for a while now 
I just knew after a bit that we'd HAVE to take different busses after Atlanta, because he was going east and I was going west, and I never gave him my destination or phone number.
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