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Did you ever know someone always beset by tragedy?

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  • Did you ever know someone always beset by tragedy?

    I've been thinking a lot about life and death lately due to some family things and my own health and I suddenly thought of a pretty strong woman who was in my life since I was a small child until I was in my late teens. She was my mom's best friend. Their husbands worked together. I spent many hours at her house and we were family to her.
    She started out in a difficult relationship with her mother and eventually moved out on her own. I don't know a lot about that but I heard. I know the story from when her second oldest daughter was 11.

    First husband hanged himself in the barn, only to have aforementioned daughter find him when she went out to feed and water the horses one day. The insurance wouldn't pay out because of the nature of the death and so they lived on potatoes and the milk from her cows for months. She finally got the money and was OK.

    Second husband gave her a third daughter and then it was revealed he was a pedophile. The daughter eventually became a handful, dating guys too old for her, etc. The man abused the daughter of her best friend (me). I mean, how do you apologize for that? I'm sure she was especially devastated. As an aside, he was remorseful and while I can't speak for anyone else, I was able to forgive truly from my heart which I'm sure affected him deeply. I think he really wanted to change but we lost him to a car accident. It still makes me sad.

    Third husband loved her so incredibly much and gave her her first son. But life is not perfect and the son was born disabled in some way. She was in her 40s so maybe it was just risky for that reason. He will forever be at a mental level equivalent to the age of 6. She loved that boy so much. It was incredible. She was a really loving person despite everything. She was like a second mom to me and my brother. They were a happy family until one day Husand was driving Son home and had a heart attack in the car. He held on despite the pain so that he could make sure he got the car parked in the driveway so his son was safe. He made it heroically and slumped over the steering wheel after parking.

    Cancer: she had it three times that I know of and the third time was not a charm; it took her from us. She coudn't have been much more than 50. She left behind 3 daughters and a son, and her best friend in the world. My memories of her are of someone who always tried to look at the positive, give people the benefit of the doubt, raise her kids to be disciplined and hard-working, and never lost that hope in true love that she was always looking for. I'm raising my virtual glass to a woman who was a survivor and an overcomer. Here's to you, beautiful B.
    "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

  • #2
    Jesus H. Christ. How much can happen to one person?

    My thing was losing my parents 8 weeks apart. I may or may not have posted about it before. Kinda broke me.

    Also: Sorry to hear about what happened to you. I know people who have had similar events in their youth. Some people grew strong from their experiences, some did not, and at least one effectively self-destructed, and is serving time -- again -- for passing on the hurt in the worst way.
    Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you speak with the Fraud department. -- CrazedClerkthe2nd
    OW! Rolled my eyes too hard, saw my brain. -- Seanette
    she seems to top me in crazy, and I'm enough crazy for my family. -- Cooper
    Yes, I am evil. What's your point? -- Jester

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    • #3
      Thank you. Hugs to you for what you went through! Forgiveness is a healing thing on both ends.
      Yes, our poor friend went through so much. I'd hardly believe it if I hadn't witnessed it all.
      "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

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      • #4
        I have a friend who is young (I think early 30s?) but her body is utterly messed up and continuously trying to kill her. I think she has had three or four bouts with cancer (at least two different kinds), she has severe allergies to a number of common things, her thyroid is messed up so her weight is hard to control, she has mobility issues and back problems and ...

        I mean, damn! That's a whole lot of shitty luck.
        “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged.
        One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world.
        The other, of course, involves orcs." -- John Rogers

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        • #5
          Genetics can make or break you. it's really hard to just live your life when your own body stops you at every turn.
          "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

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          • #6
            My Ex-Wife. Starting in her mid 20' it has been surgery after surgery, medical problem galore colon cancer, heart and lung problems, and the kicker is her Dr.;s have said WHEN (not IF) she has a heart attack she may not survive
            I'm lost without a paddle and headed up SH*T creek.
            -- Life Sucks Then You Die.


            "I'll believe corp. are people when Texas executes one."

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            • #7
              I will lose my mom either to pulmonary fibrosis or diabetes. And I'm at risk for those.
              "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

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              • #8
                Quoth Racket_Man View Post
                My Ex-Wife. Starting in her mid 20' it has been surgery after surgery, medical problem galore colon cancer, heart and lung problems, and the kicker is her Dr.;s have said WHEN (not IF) she has a heart attack she may not survive
                Sorry I just thought of this ------- add in that her older brother abused her (all kinds ) all throughout her childhood

                she did turn our remarkedly good and not too messed up
                I'm lost without a paddle and headed up SH*T creek.
                -- Life Sucks Then You Die.


                "I'll believe corp. are people when Texas executes one."

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                • #9
                  My Late Wife's Grandmother:

                  Since 2005 has had her husband, one of her sons, her daughter(my wife's mother), and her granddaughter(my wife) pass. Her home caught fire, and burned to the ground. Her Daughter (before she passed) spend 3 years in prison and her other granddaughter faced jail time. To be honest, I have no idea how she didn't get any, as this granddaughter's BF ended up spending 8 years as a 'guest' of a state facility for what would've been the same offense.

                  In the same time period, her other son had a bad ATV accident, and almost passed, but did survive. He was going up an embankment, and fell of the back of the ATV he was driving and ended up having it land on his face.

                  For all of the people who passed, everyone of them died overnight and was discovered in the morning. Her Husband, passed from either a stroke or a heart attack, Her son died from injures after getting kicked in the stomach by a horse, and refused to go to the ER. Granddaughter, passed from long term complications from being a paraplegic, and her daughter was an OD.

                  Before 2005, there was her Granddaughter's car accident that put her into a wheelchair for the rest of her life and the related complications of that. To put it in context, She raised this granddaughter like her own daughter, so they were very close. This granddaughter was 16 when it happened.

                  And her prized stud(horse) that got struck by lighting, on the family farm, and passed.
                  Just sliding down the razor blade of life.

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                  • #10
                    It's still difficult for me to not see my problems as bigger than they are, even in seeing all this. Human nature, I suppose.
                    "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

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                    • #11
                      Another one.

                      My little brother (not really; a very close friend, we grew up together) and his family. In a period of a very few years -- 2 to 3 -- his older brother died, his mother died, and his father's house burned down. Oh yeah, and his business (restaurant and microbrew) took a serious hit from the lockdown.
                      Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you speak with the Fraud department. -- CrazedClerkthe2nd
                      OW! Rolled my eyes too hard, saw my brain. -- Seanette
                      she seems to top me in crazy, and I'm enough crazy for my family. -- Cooper
                      Yes, I am evil. What's your point? -- Jester

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        There's multiple levels that can play out on.

                        Some can be genetic, or at least endogenic -- inborn diseases or predisposition to such, mental illness (the gift that keeps on giving :-( ), problematic temperament or cognitive issues.... But being born into a bad environment (pollution/environmental abuse, abusive family environment, etc) can do almost as bad a number on someone.

                        There's also the issue of resilience, both personal (which comes from the above) and structural. E.g., I've got some personal liabilities (autism, depression, anxiety) which eventually put me out of work. But I also have a broad and supportive family, who collectively had and have a lot of resources to support me. That's made a huge difference, ranging from me not being homeless as of 20 years ago, to my being able to quarantine fairly well in the current crisis.

                        And for underclass folks (notably blacks and poor folks in America), there's a lot of structural factors which are "trying" to make sure they're screwed and stay screwed -- "poor taxes", welfare rules, and educational/job "standards" keeping the poor from saving money or otherwise improving themselves, all accruing generation after generation so they can't form their family into a support network like mine.

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