Hello?! I Don't Need My Serial Number!

[Dips]

I got off the phone with a very annoying, entitled woman.

First of all she called and asked for Carl by name. I responded by asking her if it was for tech support and she said it was. Then I asked her for her license number and all hell broke loose. Here's the rest of the convo as best as I can remember:

Me=
SW=sucky woman

SW: I have a question about my [hardware] and Carl helped me before.

[Note: The hardware is a specialized type of equipment which is made by about two dozen different companies, none of them us; our software DOES drive just about every brand and model of this kind of hardware, which means we get a lot of calls about getting the [software]/[hardware] interface to work and we will try to help.]

Me: No problem. Just let me know your [software] serial number and I'll send you on to Carl.

SW: HELLO!!! I SAID I needed help with my [hardware], not with [software].

Oh, no. She didn't. First of all, we feel obligated to help get our software working right with the hardware, but we DON'T owe anyone support on the hardware itself. If we do that, it's a FAVOR. Because Carl is nice like that.

All that said, I'm going to at least make sure you have a legal license for what we DO make before I send you through to get support on something we DON'T make.

So don't piss off the lady who holds the keys to the Kingdom of Carl.

Me: That may be, but we make [software] and I will need your [software] serial number in order to send you through. You can find it in the program by going to Help/About...

SW: Interrupting. Look. This is just a simple question about [Other Company Name][hardware]. I don't see why I need to go through all this. I talked to Carl yesterday and HE didn't make me give him my serial number.

Me: Ma'am, you are calling [My Company]. We make [My company name software]. In order to get technical support from us, I will need to know your [My Company] serial number.

SW: Fine. Where is it? Is it on this paper, these disks? Where?!

I pictured her waving stuff in front of the receiver expecting me to recognize it; not quite as bad as the lady who asked Hanna to read braille over the phone, but...

Me: Open the program and go to Help/About. It will appear in a dialog box.

SW: I don't even have your program open, because, like I told you, this isn't a problem with your program.

[Note: I would usually offer to look the number up with the caller's name at this point or just put them through if I think they're at least trying to co-operate; I'm not heartless slave to procedure. That was not going to be the case here, though.]

Me: Well. As I mentioned, we don't make [hardware]. We make [software]. If the problem is only with the hardware, you should call [Other company, who makes the hardware].

SW: Sheesh. Look. Carl helped me the other day; I just need to follow up with him.

Me: Did you find the serial number?

SW: YES! It's ######.

Me: OK. I see you are eligible for a free update. [Gives instructions for downloading free update.] Being able to let you know about free updates is one of the reasons we look up your serial number.

I wasn't expecting her to be grateful, but hoped it would help her calm down. No such luck.

SW: Can you PLEASE put me through to Carl now?

She had finally complied. I had no excuse not to any more.

Me: Of course. One moment please.

I heard her say some not very nice things while I was transferring her and she thought I couldn't hear her.

She got Carl's voice mail. I hope he's so tied up he can't call her back until Monday.

But seriously. Giving me the serial number isn't hard. I've had customers who are both deaf AND blind using a relay operater who manage to find it and I can have them on their way to Carl in 30 seconds. This woman wasn't disabled in any way. It was only a hassle because she CHOSE to make it one.

[Jadedcarguy]

Then I asked her for her license number and all hell broke loose.

Well, really, that's such an inconvenience. How dare you?

[Skrae]

But seriously. Giving me the serial number isn't hard. I've had customers who are both deaf AND blind using a relay operater who manage to find it and I can have them on their way to Carl in 30 seconds. This woman wasn't disabled in any way. It was only a hassle because she CHOSE to make it one.

Blind people? I am not trying to be a smartass, just curious how blind people use the software and find the number.

[Imogene]

I am not trying to be a smartass, just curious how blind people use the software and find the number.

Braille interfacers. You know how HTML has Alt tags for pictures? Whatever is put into that tag will show up on braille interfacers instead of the picture.

[Pagan]

This woman wasn't disabled in any way.

Actually, she was disabled....she's a non-cooperative, ungrateful b-with-an-itch!

[Dips]

Blind people? I am not trying to be a smartass, just curious how blind people use the software and find the number.

Adaptive software called a screen-reader or text-to-speech software can convert text to speech so blind people can use just about any Windows application, surf the web, use email, etc as long as the program or web site is properly coded.

For people who can't either see or hear most such programs also OEM a braille translator so that the reader can read the output on a braille display.

My co-worker, Carl, that she was trying to reach, is totally blind and uses a screen-reader to do his job. It OEMs the same voice synthesizer as the speech program Stephen Hawking uses to communicate. Carl is so attuned to it that he turns the speed of the speech up really fast, so it sounds like Dr. Hawking took some speed; it really made me giggle the first time I heard it.

[Broomjockey]

I can't believe no one else has thought of this yet, but

"We don't need no stinking serial number!"

It kills me how much time people will waste to try and avoid what they see as "wasting time." Ugh.