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Thank you so much for giving our company the pleasure of serving you. I certainly hope you will be getting the most out of the new living room set you purchased from us. I also sincerely hope that you will please refrain from ever visiting our establishment in the future, and allow me just a brief moment of your time to clarify a few points of contention.
Thank you so much for your concern over so called “unfair” business practices and “outrageous” delivery fees. We are honored that in today’s high paced free market society, you made the conscious choice to purchase from us even after expressing displeasure with our company, before you even became a customer and went to somebody else for your furniture needs.
You’re absolutely right. It’s our fault that you weren’t home for delivery of your furniture, despite the fact that we delivered it on the exact day you specified and we even called you a full day in advance to give you your time window. It was our fault for not staying and waiting the half hour it would take you to drive from your work to your residence, when we had thirty other deliveries to make that day. Our drivers should have been more than happy to spend the extra time to wait. After all, if their dinners at home that evening get cold, they can just throw them in the microwave, right?
We’re also sorry that we did not highlight, and remark in 72pt type that if you were not home for delivery you would be charged a full redelivery fee. Apparently, having it written three times on the contract, and once less than an inch from your signature was not enough to grab your attention. I am contacting corporate to see how we can remedy this situation. Perhaps we will put a large sign over the desk area next to the gigantic one that mentions our cancellation policy.
Oh, my bad, it seems that wouldn’t work either, would it. You would miss it, as you missed the existing sign that was already there stating the cancellation. However, you proceeded dauntlessly, refusing to pay the redelivery charge or canceling. You diligently called me back time and time again to remind us of how unfair we were, because we were completely ignoring your obviously legitimate complaint.
I am sorry my associate became short with you after you called harassing her for the fifth day in a row. I am sorry she made you upset to the point where you hung up on her. I also apologize that each time you called us, we had no other solution beside “Cancel and pay the restocking fee” or “Pay for redelivery.” Each day, these options didn’t change.
I am sorry I was unable to give you the answer you wanted as a manager. Our unfair and blatantly obvious terms and condition have a nasty habit of needing to be enforced, and this is what my evil corporation pays me to do. I am sorry that my boss did not waive the entire redelivery fee, as you could obviously not acknowledge that we were going above and beyond the call of duty to make you a satisfied customer, when we had every right to go tell you to pound sand.
I also apologize for the mixup at the warehouse. You see, I was trying to look out for your needs and called the warehouse personally to make sure everything was handled, and in doing so caught a serious manufacturing error with your piece. I would have thought that you would have been happy that we had caught such an error and didn’t send you damaged furniture, but I was in the wrong as you berated me again over it. Thank you for pointing that out.
When I called you the day before the delivery to remind you that you owed us a COD for half of the delivery charge, you pointed out how unfair it was that we would not take a personal check or cash for it, and we would only take a money order or a cashiers check. Thank you for putting me back in my place when I tried to helpfully remind you that when you spoke with my manager three weeks ago and he agreed to work a solution with you, that he pointed out it was the only way we would accept the COD. I certainly did not intend to make you look like the idiot you are with that statement, and I apologize again if my tone came off as incredulous.
And now that you have your furniture, I would like to deeply apologize for how horribly we wronged you during this whole situation. It is not our place as a company to point out the only reason anything went wrong with this was in fact, your fault. The customer, however self righteous, pigheaded, and flat out mentally inept they may be is still, ultimately right. Thank you for taking the time to so often spiritedly and enthusiastically remind us of this fact.
Also, I hope you will be persistent enough on the last statement you made when we spoke, of how you would never be a customer of ours again. We all admired the veracity you approached this situation and know you to be a woman of your word. Please, by all means, uphold this last statement above all.
As a matter of fact, if you ever walk into my showroom again, I will personally go above and beyond the call of duty to remind you that you made this promise, and even help you uphold it in as friendly a manner as I tell you to get the fuck out of my store.
If you have any further nonsensical complaints about our company, please contact our corporate number so a speedy resolution may be found. Call any time, day or night, as we love hearing from you so often.
Fuck you very much, and have a nice day.
Sincerely,
Kusanagi.
Thank you so much for your concern over so called “unfair” business practices and “outrageous” delivery fees. We are honored that in today’s high paced free market society, you made the conscious choice to purchase from us even after expressing displeasure with our company, before you even became a customer and went to somebody else for your furniture needs.
You’re absolutely right. It’s our fault that you weren’t home for delivery of your furniture, despite the fact that we delivered it on the exact day you specified and we even called you a full day in advance to give you your time window. It was our fault for not staying and waiting the half hour it would take you to drive from your work to your residence, when we had thirty other deliveries to make that day. Our drivers should have been more than happy to spend the extra time to wait. After all, if their dinners at home that evening get cold, they can just throw them in the microwave, right?
We’re also sorry that we did not highlight, and remark in 72pt type that if you were not home for delivery you would be charged a full redelivery fee. Apparently, having it written three times on the contract, and once less than an inch from your signature was not enough to grab your attention. I am contacting corporate to see how we can remedy this situation. Perhaps we will put a large sign over the desk area next to the gigantic one that mentions our cancellation policy.
Oh, my bad, it seems that wouldn’t work either, would it. You would miss it, as you missed the existing sign that was already there stating the cancellation. However, you proceeded dauntlessly, refusing to pay the redelivery charge or canceling. You diligently called me back time and time again to remind us of how unfair we were, because we were completely ignoring your obviously legitimate complaint.
I am sorry my associate became short with you after you called harassing her for the fifth day in a row. I am sorry she made you upset to the point where you hung up on her. I also apologize that each time you called us, we had no other solution beside “Cancel and pay the restocking fee” or “Pay for redelivery.” Each day, these options didn’t change.
I am sorry I was unable to give you the answer you wanted as a manager. Our unfair and blatantly obvious terms and condition have a nasty habit of needing to be enforced, and this is what my evil corporation pays me to do. I am sorry that my boss did not waive the entire redelivery fee, as you could obviously not acknowledge that we were going above and beyond the call of duty to make you a satisfied customer, when we had every right to go tell you to pound sand.
I also apologize for the mixup at the warehouse. You see, I was trying to look out for your needs and called the warehouse personally to make sure everything was handled, and in doing so caught a serious manufacturing error with your piece. I would have thought that you would have been happy that we had caught such an error and didn’t send you damaged furniture, but I was in the wrong as you berated me again over it. Thank you for pointing that out.
When I called you the day before the delivery to remind you that you owed us a COD for half of the delivery charge, you pointed out how unfair it was that we would not take a personal check or cash for it, and we would only take a money order or a cashiers check. Thank you for putting me back in my place when I tried to helpfully remind you that when you spoke with my manager three weeks ago and he agreed to work a solution with you, that he pointed out it was the only way we would accept the COD. I certainly did not intend to make you look like the idiot you are with that statement, and I apologize again if my tone came off as incredulous.
And now that you have your furniture, I would like to deeply apologize for how horribly we wronged you during this whole situation. It is not our place as a company to point out the only reason anything went wrong with this was in fact, your fault. The customer, however self righteous, pigheaded, and flat out mentally inept they may be is still, ultimately right. Thank you for taking the time to so often spiritedly and enthusiastically remind us of this fact.
Also, I hope you will be persistent enough on the last statement you made when we spoke, of how you would never be a customer of ours again. We all admired the veracity you approached this situation and know you to be a woman of your word. Please, by all means, uphold this last statement above all.
As a matter of fact, if you ever walk into my showroom again, I will personally go above and beyond the call of duty to remind you that you made this promise, and even help you uphold it in as friendly a manner as I tell you to get the fuck out of my store.
If you have any further nonsensical complaints about our company, please contact our corporate number so a speedy resolution may be found. Call any time, day or night, as we love hearing from you so often.
Fuck you very much, and have a nice day.
Sincerely,
Kusanagi.
I AM the evil bastard!
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