A Few Stories From This Week

[Chazzie]

This week has been particularly special.

A customer returned a cup cooler shown here:



Reason? Because it smelled like plastic. Nevermind the fact that it's wrapped with the stuff and, oh I don't know... VISIBLY MADE OF PLASTIC.

They're All The Same! Except if You Ask Literally Anyone Else.

A lady wanted half a dozen donuts, which gets a group price. I grab the box that will only fit donuts, and she starts asking for muffins. I tell her that muffins are not considered donuts (it's truly sad how often I have to tell people this), and she answers:

"Oh, well they're ALL donuts to me!"

Sure... But not to anyone else, and certainly not to the register.


Lattes

SC: (holding a latte with the lid off) Excuse me, did you put any milk in this?

A latte is 3/4 steamed milk and 1/4 espresso. Variation was another customer that looked and said "oh, it looks like you put an awful lot of milk in this!"


If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck...

SC: (staring at the Donut case) Like, what's in the chocolate kreme donut??
Me: ... Chocolate Kreme.


I Hate The Local College Kids

SC: Can I get three larges with Cream and sugar??
Me: (Starts making them) sure, anything else?
SC: Can you make one of those larges a small?
Me: (changing cups)
SC: Can I actually get two small one with cream and sugar and the other just cream??
Me: (Changing cups again) So One large with cream and sugar and two small, one cream and sugar one cream only?
SC: Can you make that three large coffees with the two small?
Me: (getting more cups) So three large, two small, all but one cream and sugar, the last cream only, anything else?
SC: No.

They pull up. I use two pots of coffee making their five coffees. They pay while I finish making them. I get back up to the window.

SC: Uhhhhhhh can we get iiiccceeeed???

At this point I'm pissed and there's no way I'm going to give them something more expensive for free while I have to toss five coffees away. I refund the transaction and charge them the difference which was nearly three dollars. To make up for the lady BEHIND THEM'S lost time, I gave her her donuts for free. Freaking college kids.

What Are You Honestly Expecting?

SC: Can I get [drink], [sandwich], oh and a plain muffin?
Me: A... what was that last thing?
SC: A plain muffin?
Me: (You sure about that buddy?) I have blueberry, reduced fat blueberry, bran, corn, coffee cake, pumpkin, and chocolate chip.
SC: Yes please! *drives up to window.*

At that point it's not worth trying anymore and you're better off guessing. We gave him a corn muffin and he didn't come back.

Did I Just Get Threatened?

SC: (as I hand her her coffee) Is my coffee extra extra? Because I won't leave if it isn't.
Me: ... Yes.

Thanks for vaguely threatening me even though I did my job.

[Peppergirl]

JFC! You're a saint. I know I sound like a broken record by now, but damn - I'd be fired in a day or worse, in JAIL (for doing something non CS-approved ) if I had to put up with that crap.

And this is coming from someone who works in an emergency travel call center, for God's sake. I hear people at their worst (pissed at the airlines, etc) and I don't think I could tolerate these coffee psychos for 2 seconds.

[bainsidhe]

I just wanted to offer a thought about the plastic-smelling customer. I'm sensitive to smells and a strong plastic smell would bother me. But smells usually air out and become fainter before long.

[Chazzie]

I just wanted to offer a thought about the plastic-smelling customer. I'm sensitive to smells and a strong plastic smell would bother me. But smells usually air out and become fainter before long.

I suppose it is possible! It just seemed really bizarre to buy something plastic not expecting it to smell like plastic. They returned it having put it back in the original package, so I don't think they kept it for very long.

[Grendus]

I've never understood the people who don't know their coffee orders. Maybe I'm just weird - I drink coffee black, unless it's a dark roast in which case I add cream and sugar - but you'd think with the insane amounts of caffeine we consume in the western world people would have their favorite caffeine cocktails memorized.

[Jester]

SC: (staring at the Donut case) Like, what's in the chocolate kreme donut??
Me: ... Chocolate Kreme.

Long ago, in a job not that far away, we had an item on the menu that resulted in this....

FEMALE CUSTOMER: "What kind of fish is the Key West Grouper?"
JESTER: "Umm....grouper....?"
FC'S HUSBAND: (trying desperately not to laugh)

SC: (as I hand her her coffee) Is my coffee extra extra? Because I won't leave if it isn't.

I don't drink coffee, but I DO prefer my beer to be extra extra.

...you'd think with the insane amounts of caffeine we consume in the western world people would have their favorite caffeine cocktails memorized.

Logic.

Customers.

Really?

[Food Lady]

Logic.

Customers.

Really?

Mine don't have any logic either. The other day a woman held up a bottle of water to me and asked, "Is this water?" I had to stifle myself.

[dalesys]

FEMALE CUSTOMER: "What kind of fish is the Key West Grouper?"

Aquatic version of the Key West Groper.

[Ghel]

A couple weeks ago, I went to the local store for my favorite coffee chain, and the employee was taking a drive-through order, so I waited patiently, reading the menu. I didn't really have to read it, though, since the customer at the drive-through had so many questions, the employee basically read the whole menu to her. By the time he was done, I knew exactly what I wanted.

[Grendus]

Mine don't have any logic either. The other day a woman held up a bottle of water to me and asked, "Is this water?" I had to stifle myself.

No maam. It's non-alcoholic vodka with water flavoring.

[Jay 2K Winger]

No maam. It's non-alcoholic vodka with water flavoring.

Heh. I've used a variant of this when I kept a bottle of water on hand at the wholesale club.

Customer: (joking) "They let you drink on the job?"
J2K: (grin) (Russian accent) "What's funny is you think this is water."
Customer:

[RootedPhoenix]

Mine don't have any logic either. The other day a woman held up a bottle of water to me and asked, "Is this water?" I had to stifle myself.

I must be having a silly moment, but I thought these responses were funny.

-No, it's bottled comet trails.
-No, it's unicorn growth hormone.
-No, it's hoverboard fuel.
-No, it's elbow grease/blinker fluid/magic love potion.

I don't know either. But I hope you laugh.

[freespirit114]

Mine don't have any logic either. The other day a woman held up a bottle of water to me and asked, "Is this water?" I had to stifle myself.

When I can get away with it I love messing with people like this. To the above question I would widen my eyes, look straight at her and say something like this-Oh, like, ummmm.... what? Water? I...ummm...dunno.... let me look at it. Well, like, it says water but I'm not sure, I mean, like I guess so, right? But it says (whatever else is on the bottle like brand, spring or something) too! I...ummmm.... this is confusing. I guess maybe you can, like, ask someone else? I'm confused and don't wanna give you the wrong info! Let me know when you get an answer k? I wanna know!
Some people I work with know I do this so they know if a customer comes up to them talking about this kind of thing they go with it. I don't get the chance to get away with it often though.
BTW- I am in my 30's, so most of the time this act creeps people out as well as annoying them. Bonus! They usually can't figure out if I'm making fun of them or really am just that stupid so they usually just walk away.

[wolfie]

It's water, but I'll need to check the batch number before I can sell it to you - we just got word that a few batches of that brand were contaminated with Dihydrogen Monoxide.

[Jester]

Heh. I've used a variant of this when I kept a bottle of water on hand at the wholesale club.

Customer: (joking) "They let you drink on the job?"
J2K: (grin) (Russian accent) "What's funny is you think this is water."
Customer:

Classic!

I don't drink soda, so I bring my own personal supply of Gatorade to work with me, and I keep it one of the beer coolers. (Two cardinal rules at The Bar: don't mess with Curly Sue's coffee creamer, and don't mess with Jester's Gatorade.) So invariably, when I'm taking a slug from the clearly labeled bottle of Gatorade, a smartass guest will say, "Ohhh, what did you spike THAT with, hmmm?" One of the few times I'm not a smartass. "Just Gatorade. Best stuff to drink at work, especially when your running around at the speeds I run around at!" Not really sure why I never fuck with people on this one.

On the flip side, whenever people suggest I drink water, I tell them I drink it all the time: barley water!